Illegally Downloading Music


If you’ve ever used LimeWire to illegally download a very low quality MP3 of Akon’s ‘Smack That’ that’s actually Afroman’s ‘Because I Got High’ but also the file is mislabeled as Sandstorm by Stan, with Eminem in parenthesis and oh! No wait, nevermind, it’s actually just twelve viruses in a trench coat disguised as a song, I have one question to ask you! YOU WOULDN’T DOWNLOAD A FUCKING CAR, WOULD YOU??!? The year is and I am five years old. Aw! Look at his giant head! As I play Space Cadet Pinball on my father’s very heavy-set Windows 98 off-white desktop computer, while farting and-and cumming, over in Massachusetts, Sean Fanning and Shaun Parker, portrayed by Justin Timberlake obviously, launch a little application called Napster. And Napster says: “Hi music industry, I’m Napster and um, I’m gonna set you on fire”. For the very first time there is an easy-to-use tool available to the masses that lets you download all of the music, in all of the lands, and for [bad British accent]
Oh my god, that’s crazy. And this is pretty monumental because music had existed since the- the first time Adam was like, “everybody clap your hands” and Eve was like, “stop it, what is happening? S- cut it out!” And now, thanks to the a.k.a. the MP3 if you didn’t go to college, you didn’t have to buy a physical record or cassette or CD just to listen to one song. CD? More like do you see these songs on my computer? Ya know what I’m sayin’? Now Napster is super important not just because it lets you download “Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down really slowly and for free, but because it introduced peer-to-peer or P2P file-sharing to the masses. What peer-to-peer means is that instead of one person uploading a file to a central server and then another person downloading that file from a central server, peer-to-peer takes out the middleman and just lets people share files and dirty little secrets directly with each other, dirty little secret obviously being a reference to the All-American Rejects’ smash hit uhh, “Move Along” *awkward laugh* moving-moving along! p2p can be used to transfer all sorts of files, not just MP3s and eventually it will! like… a l-like a lot Laa.. Like a lot of porn. But Napster only let you do MP3s, and Napster gets crazy popular, eventually reaching like, 80 million registered users at its peak, which if you know simple math, you know that that’s more than four! But the AKA RIAA, isn’t having any of that shit. On December 7th, 1999, only months after the launch of Napster, RIAA filed suit on Napster’s buttcheeks on behalf of the 5 major record labels: UMG, SME, WMG, EMI, BMG, KFC, CKY. Between it’s launch in 1999 and its shutdown in 2001, basically everyone and their dog tried to sue Napster. A&M Records, Metallica, Dr. Dre, who is- uh he famously said; But this was a ton of publicity for the app and it only led to more and more people sprinting towards Napster to take advantage of the service before it would inevitably be taken down. The service finally shut down on July 11th, 2001, but dog, it was too late – the effects were irreversible. The entire internet had done a sick-ass Superman seat grab and completely transformed almost overnight. But with no Napster where did people turn? Allow me to introduce you to my friend Kazaa. Oh, have you met Limewire? This is my very lightweight, tiny friend who’s eventually gonna kind of be a huge deal… And his name is BitTorrent! While Kazaa and LimeWire were the apps that were the most popular immediately after Napster’s death in 2001, both of them were a little bit… goofy – um uh-, a lil’, a lil’ Lil’, lil’ A little drunk. Maybe, maybe they were hitting grandma’s bottle cabinet. I don’t know. LimeWire was released in May of 2000 by a dude named Mark Gorton, who has degrees from Harvard, Yale and Stanford and apparently all of them meant nothing when he made LimeWire. And Kazaa was released in 2001 and was developed by some Scandinavian dudes whose names I’m not even gonna attempt to pronounce, but they also would later go on to help develop Skype. What is this, the fucking History Channel? I don’t look like an ice road trucker. But also more extra importantly, both of these were absolute garbage for your computer. I want to talk specifically about Kazaa first. Kazaa here was closed source, which means to this day, people don’t know like exactly how everything worked. For example, the algorithm used to double-check that two files are actually the same thing. Like if two dudes both upload “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child and it’s trying to like double check that they’re both the same thing so we can organize them, Um, it did not do a good job. Which means that, You could download what you thought was “It’s Been Awhile” by Staind, but surprise, fucker, that’s Weird Al. If you’re downloading some software or video games that have some “.exe”s in them, Um, please dot “Ex”cuse me from my computer before I invite 17 really cool viruses into my home. And hey, you remember our pal RIAA? They were doing it too, yeah! They were fighting the war on illegally downloading music by spreading fake ass corrupt files on Kazaa. Isn’t the Internet so crazy!? Another small, but also like kind of huge bad thing about the app. Um, it was riddled with adware. And malware, and spyw- Basically every “ware” you could think of it-it had it. Warioware? Ace Hardware? But regardless, Kazaa is popping off hard, from like 2001 to 2004 ish So hard that in 2003 are our favorite pal RIAA over here says “you know what?” “Fuck it, if we can’t sue Kazaa, We’re just gonna start suing a bunch of Kazaa users directly for a shit ton of money, like college students. Why? FUCK EM. That’s why. You don’t need a fucking business degree! Society is a lie! Anarchy! dude, gamers are the government!” As you could imagine, traffic starts to die down on Kazaa because users are getting afraid of going to jail and while users scattered to other p2p services like LimeWire, in 2006 Kazaa’s parent company, Sharman is sued by MGM in this huge lawsuit and ends up settling for the little tiny baby amount of a hundred million dollars, which is a lotta – I’ll – I mean I’ll rephrase it for my younger viewers so they could better understand it. It’s like – it’s like if you took four of your mom’s credit cards, yeah, yeah, like, like “So – so many V-bucks!” You get it, i- yeah. I’m proud of you. Okay, so anyways what Kazaa and LimeWire had in common is… all of the bad stuff. Mislabeled files. Viruses Malware. A really cool feature where every song is actually just Bill Clinton saying “I did not have sexual relations with that woman! Miss Lewinsky.” Limewire would even eventually release a version that you could pay for called LimeWire Pro that promised better search results and faster downloads, but because life is hilarious and pirates always find a way around stuff, you could just download LimeWire Pro with LimeWire, which is the funniest thing in the world! It wasn’t perfect. It was probably gonna require your parents computer to go to Planned Parenthood and get tested for every STD imaginable. But goddamn it bro. I gotta download that new Avril Lavigne though! Even though it was a beautiful disaster, LimeWire had a good long run from 2000 till it’s ordered shut down in 2010. when the US District Court claimed that LimeWire and it’s Ivy League creator, Mark Gorton were both found guilty of copyright infringement and unfair competition. Hey, you remember your super low-key chill friend who’s so hilarious and chill! Especially when he suggested that LimeWire owes him 72 TRILLION DOLLARS in damages to the music industry which is more money than the Earth had at that time. Which luckily the judge thought was ridiculous, and they settled for a hundred five million which is like practically nothing. And overtime, music, movies, and TV shows gradually figured things out and evolved with piracy. Unlimited music for like, 10 bucks a month on Spotify is a pretty beautiful evolution of the Internet’s capabilities, and it’s way better than running the risk of downloading the Soulja Boy Travis Barker remix on LimeWire and running the risk of infecting your dad’s computer with a funny disease and also potentially getting sued by RIAA for downloading a Travis Barker production. So what the fuck is the point of all of this? Well, okay. So yeah, people are always gonna want shit for free and that’s never gonna change, but also a lot of people are willing to pay money and support content that they care about If they feel like there’s trust and respect shown on both sides, but more importantly, you can get LimeWire Pro with LimeWire! That’s it for today. I really do hope you’re doing well, and please stay tuned for a message from our sponsor. thank you for viewing the captions Do your clothes look bad? Do your clothes make you feel like when you look at em, you go, “Ah, F***!” Well here at Jakey, Jakey and Jakey, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, WE CAN HELP. We have clothes that can protect you from situations of hazard, such as going to the mall and the guy at the Dairy Queen saying “Hey… we don’t serve bozos like you here, wearing shirts like that!” Or when you go to Ace Hardware and you’re trying to get a lug nut and the guy says “Mmm, nice try, bozo shirt!” Jakey, Jakey and Jakey ATTORNEYS AT LAW can protect you from all of this! Shirts like the “NAKEY & JAKEY SPECIAL VIDEOS UNIT” to let people know when you wear that; “Hey man, I’ve seen a guy die before! I’ve seen a man get boiled, like a hard boiled egg!” *starts losing it* or the “JAKEY, JAKEY AND JAKEY ATTORNEYS AT LAW” logo t-shirt featuring our many mantras that we say as a sort of a cheat sheet. In situations where you don’t know what’s legally going on such as: And we have other shirts now, too and we had them before as well. But they’re still there. If you feel like we can give you the protection that you require today, head on over to: And have Jakey, Jakey and Jakey ATTORNEYS AT LAW handle… *exhales* your case… please buy my merch. I’m gonna go to sleep now.

100 Replies to “Illegally Downloading Music

  1. When I was like 8 I tried to download a illegal song and a thing popped up saying I had a virus and it left a number to call so I called the number scared out of my mind that I broke my family computer. Some Indian guy picked up and he kept telling me to plug stuff in and look stuff up and download things until he had full control over my computer. He was the only one who could move the mouse and he started opening files and stuff. I screamed “STOPPP” and then broke the computer.

  2. Yoooo i fucking grew up with space codet pinball, also a diablo game, my grandpa would let me play those two games on his computer also halo 1 sometimes, but my grandma thought it was too bloody

  3. Lulz. Say what you want about the guy but Jakey can really make history lessons feel like the final boss battles of Devil May Cry or Metal Gear(which translates to very interesting/exciting/funny).

  4. You give off such little brother energy. I wanna both protect you with my life but also call you a dork in front of your friends.

  5. And the thing that really started all of this? The music industry being told that the Internet was the future and that purchasing music online was something a lot of people wanted, and they refused. When limited their growth and held us back for far too long.

    The music industry said no. Some p2p services said yes. The music industry went all Pikachu face on us when we decided a yes was better than a no. And I'm not sure they ever recovered, because no self promoted musicians are finding a lot of success and big names have to keep pushing their image onto these services to stay relevant.

  6. it's crazy that now all u can do is go to you youtube ,find the music search mp3 converter on google and download on spot the music.

  7. All of the music but non of the Gigs. Now we have over 9000 gigs but nobody gives a fuck about downloading music because everyone loves their $9.95 music subscriptions with no ads.

  8. I have memories of LimeWire, and trying to download songs when I was like 8, only for the music file to be some guy saying that he didn't have sexual relations with some woman but he told us to go into some I free club website

  9. Hell. I used both limewire and FrostWire. But I learned real quick about the viruses. I listened to most of the song before even letting my computer get it.
    FrostWire was that weird cousin of the lime…
    As far as torrents went, I would search for the most seeds. The more seeds, the faster the download.
    However, I eventually quit using p2p software (bless my poor, literal poor, heart) when I received a letter in the mail from the ISP 😱
    Now I use Hulu, Netflix and Spotify. Not bad but…
    I remember when Hulu was young and I fucking hated it.
    Also. Love having ad blocker when going to free streaming websites lol

  10. Man cky is my favorite bands ever thank you for making subtle references to tony hawk games I’ll give you a kiss

  11. I love how I'm 6 years older than you and we basically had the same exact experiences, but trends ended at completely different parts of our lives. lmao

  12. I'm turning 30 in a month, watching this channel from a random YouTube recommendation, and am actually pretty entertained. Idk how to feel about myself, is this too childish for my age, do I jusy want to feel nostalgic? Am I having a midlife crisis? Why am I sitting here drinking wine in a dark kitchen with a half eaten cooked frozen pizza? You know why, because life is fucking epic.

  13. Between the death of napster and the popularity of kazaa and limewire there was one called galaxy5 and after limewire a popular one was called ares that went down history by the same path as kazaa and limewire to be just full of malware

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