Jimmy Kimmel Breaks Down Democratic Debate


[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THOSE OF YOU WHO WATCHED THE DEBATE EARLIER TONIGHT HERE ON ABC AND FORGOT TO TURN THE TELEVISION OFF, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. YOU KNOW, TONIGHT WE WATCHED THE THIRD DEMOCRATIC DEBATE, THIS TIME FROM HOUSTON, TEXAS. IT WAS EXCITING, YOU KNOW, WATCH BEING THE CANDIDATE THE TACKLE ISSUES IS AS CLOSE AS WE GET TO FOOTBALL. THEY ALL TRIED TO STAND OUT AND AVOID BEING ELIMINATED UNDER EXTREME TIME PRESSURE IN A TELEVISED EVENT. NOW LET’S PUT 45 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND GO. THIS WAS A LARGE CAST OF CHARACTERS. TO HELP VIEWER KEEP TRACK OF WHO WAS WHO, ABC DID SOMETHING SPECIAL. ♪ THE ELECTION IS QUICKLY APPROACHING ♪ ♪ AND WE’VE GOT DECISIONS TO MAKE ♪ ♪ WITH SO MANY PEOPLE TO CHOOSE FROM ♪ ♪ WE DON’T WANT TO MAKE A MISTAKE ♪ ♪ WE CAN ONLY SEND ONE TO THE WHITE HOUSE ♪ ♪ AND THE OTHERS WILL HAVE TO GO HOME ♪ ♪ DEMS THE BREAKS ♪ ♪ YEAH, DEMS THE BREAKS ♪ ♪ WHOEVER GOES HOME WILL SAY DEMS THE BREAKS ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: I WOULDN’T WATCH THAT SHOW. IT IS WEIRD THAT THEY PUT TEN CANDIDATES ON THE STAGE. HERE’S HOW, I’D PUT THE FOUR FRONT RUNNERS AT THE CENTER OF THE STAGE AND LET THE OTHER SIX DANGLE OFF THE STAGE BY THEIR FINGERTIPS. MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG WAS UP WAY PAST HIS BEDTIME. HE ALMOST DIDN’T MAKE IT TO THE DEBATE. YOU CAN SEE HE GOT STUCK IN THE CLAW MACHINE AT THE DAVE AND BUSTERS AT THE BAY BROOK MALL, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS ABLE TO FISH HIM OUT. THE MODERATORS TONIGHT WERE GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, DAVID MUIR AND JORGE RAMOS. THEY HIT THE CANDIDATES WITH ALL THE TOUGH QUESTIONS LIKE, IF ELECTED, HOW DO WE KNOW YOU WON’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’ROURKE SPEAK SPANISH DURING THE DEBATE. HE DID. WILL JOE BIDEN CHOKE ON HIS TEETH DURING THE DEBATE. HE ACTUALLY DID. JOE BIDEN DID, HE DID WELL TONIGHT. HE WAS FACING THE RIGHT DIRECTION. HIS PANTS WERE ON. IT WAS, IT WAS A GOOD OUTING FOR HIM. YOU KNOW, THERE WERE THREE WOMEN ON STAGE. IF ANY OF THESE WOMEN ARE ELECTED, IT WOULD BE HISTORIC, AND IF, IF BERNIE OR BIDEN WERE TO WIN, IT WOULD BE PREHISTORIC. BUT BERNIE WAS — [ APPLAUSE ] BECAUSE HE’S SO OLD IS WHAT I’M SAYING. THEIR AGE. BERNIE WAS VERY BERNIE TONIGHT. HE CAME RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE YELLING. HIS VOICE WAS CRAZY. IT SOUNDED LIKE HE SWALLOWED A FROG. HE WAS SCREAMING LOUDER THAN CAM NEWTON AT THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE. HE GAVE A STRONG WARNING TO GIVING AMERICANS AFFORDABLE THROAT LOZENGES.>>IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WE ARE SPENDING TWICE AS MUCH PER CAPITA ON HEALTH CARE AS THE CANADIANS OR ANY OTHER MAJOR COUNTRY ON EARTH.>>Jimmy: HE HAD HIS TURN SIGNAL ON FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. THAT WAS EMBARRASSING. I FELT BAD FOR HIM. [ APPLAUSE ] THIS WAS THE FIRST DEBATE WHERE JOE BIDEN AND ELIZABETH WARREN WERE ON STAGE TOGETHER. THEY’VE BEEN DESCRIBED AS FRENEMIES. IT’S A WEIRD SITUATION. ELIZABETH WARREN IS THE CANDIDATE MOST DEMOCRATS SAY THEY’D LIKE TO VOTE FOR, BUT THE MAJORITY OF DEMOCRATS THINK JOE BIDEN IS THE GUY THE COUNTRY WOULD VOTE FOR. BUT I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T THINK IT’S A GREAT IDEA TO TRY TO GUESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT. THAT’S HOW YOU WIND UP EATING AT GOLDEN CORRAL. I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO COME HERE. MOST OF WHAT HAS THE DEMOCRATS WORRIED IS AFTER HILLARY, WILL ANOTHER FEMALE CANDIDATE BE ABLE TO BEAT DONALD TRUMP? WILL IT BE TOO RISKY? I THINK A FEMALE HAS A BETTER CHANCE AGAINST TRUMP, ESPECIALLY IN A DEBATE. WOMEN ARE MUCH BETTER AT HANDLING BABIES THAN MEN. IT’S A BIOLOGICAL FACT. SOME MADE WAVES, MOST NOTABLY, THE BUSINESSMAN, ANDREW YANG. HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER SAID HE’D BE DOING SOMETHING NO PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE HAS EVER DONE BEFORE, WHICH IS EXCITING TO HEAR, BECAUSE THERE CAN BE SO MANY THINGS. MAYBE HE WAS PLANNING TO EAT A TIDE POD ON CAMERA. OR RIDE IN ON AN OSTRICH. WHO KNOWS. BUT ANDREW YANG DID NONE OF THOSE THINGS. INSTEAD, HE GAVE AWAY CASH.>>I’M GOING TO DO SOMETHING UNPRECEDENTED TONIGHT. MY CAMPAIGN WILL NOW GIVE A FREEDOM DIVIDEND OF $1,000 A MONTH FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR TO TEN AMERICAN FAMILIES. SOMEONE WATCHING THIS AT HOME RIGHT NOW. IF YOU BELIEVE THAT CAN YOU SOLVE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS BETTER THAN ANY POLITICIAN, GO TO YANG2020.COM AND TELL US HOW $1,000 A MONTH WILL HELP YOU DO JUST THAT.>>Jimmy: LIKE A RADIO STATION CONTEST. THIS THOUSAND DOLLAR THURSDAY. THAT MAY BE THE MOST RIDICULOUS PROPOSAL I’VE SEEN ON THIS NETWORK, AND I’VE WATCHED EVERY EPISODE OF THE BACHELORETTE. HE ALSO HAD FUN WHEN HE TOOK THE STAGE TONIGHT.>>ENTREPRENEUR ANDREW YANG. [ APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: I’D LIKE TO SEE JOE BIDEN DO THAT. SOME OF THE CANDIDATES WENT AFTER JOE BIDEN, LIKE HE WAS SOME KIND OF DEAD BEAT DAD ON THE MAURY POVICH SHOW. JULIAN CASTRO IN PARTICULAR. THERE WAS ONE MOMENT WHEN CASTRO LASHED OUT AT BIDEN FOR FORGETTING SOMETHING, WHICH HE DIDN’T FORGET, BY THE WAY, AND BERNIE APPEARED TO LEAN OVER AND HELP JOE OUT. IT WAS KIND OF ENDEARING. IT MADE ME HOPEFUL FOR A REBOOT OF GRUMPY OLD MEN. B BETO O’ROURKE HAD A BETTER NIGHT. O HE LOOKS LIKE THE HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER YOU KNOW HAS WEED IN HIS DESK. HE CALLED DONALD TRUMP A WHITE SUPREMACIST AND ANNOUNCED A PLAN FOR A REPARATIONS BILL AND A NEW MADEA MOVIE BY THE END OF THE YEAR. CORY BOOKER WAS THE ONLY UNMARRIED CANDIDATE IN THE DEBATE. THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING, A SINGLE PRESIDENT. YOU SEE HIM ON TINDER. CAN’T SWIPE RIGHT ON A DEMOCRAT. HAVE TO SWIPE LEFT ON THEM, RIGHT? HE’S DATING ROSARIO DAWSON, THE ACTRESS. BUT EVEN THOUGH THEY LIVE TOGETHER A LOT OF THE TIME, UNTIL THREE DAYS AGO, SHE HADN’T OFFICIALLY ENDORSED HIM, WHICH IS, I MEAN, HOW MANY DISHES MUST THIS GUY LEAVE IN THE SINK? OVERALL, I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD DEBATE. I THOUGHT ABC NEWS DID A GREAT JOB. I DON’T KNOW WHO WON THE DEBATE, BUT WATCHING CANDIDATES DISCUSS THE ISSUES INTELLIGENTLY, USING REAL FACTS, I’D FORGOTTEN WHAT IT WAS LIKE. IT WAS LIKE WALKING OUT OF NORTH KOREA AND INTO A COSTCO. IT WAS THAT SAME. PRESIDENT TRUMP TOLD REPORTERS HE WOULD NOT WATCH THE DEBATE LIVE TONIGHT. SAID HE WAS GOING TO TAPE IT AND WATCH IT LATER AS A RERUN. THIS IS WHAT HE WAS DOING DURING THE DEBATE.>>THE LIGHT BULB. PEOPLE SAID WHAT’S WITH THE LIGHT BULB. I SAID HERE’S THE STORY. I LOOKED AT IT, THE BULB WE’RE FORCED TO USE, NUMBER ONE, MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE LIGHT’S NO GOOD. I ALWAYS LOOK ORANGE.>>Jimmy: YEAH. IT’S THE LIGHT BULB THAT MAKES YOU LOOK ORANGE. NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TAN IN A CAN. [ APPLAUSE ] TRUMP ALSO ENTERTAINED THE GANG OF THE INSTITUTE WITH A ROUTINE ABOUT SLEEPY JOE BIDEN AND PRESIDENT XI. WE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO SLOW IT DOWN FOR TONIGHT’S EDITION OF DRUNK DONALD TRUMP.>>HE WANTS SLEEPY JOE. CAN YOU IMAGINE THOSE TWO GUYS IN A ROOM? XI, HA, AND HERE’S SLEEPY JOE, WHAT? WHERE AM I? WHERE AM I? JUST SIGN HERE, SLEEPY JOE. JUST SIGN HERE. ♪ ♪ [ APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: SO, IN BETWEEN HIS STANDUP FIGURES SHALL THE PRESIDENT IS STILL FIGURING OUT WHO’S GOING TO REPLACE HIS NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER. THERE WERE REPORTS TODAY THAT HE WAS THINKING ABOUT GIVING THE JOB TO MIKE POMPEO WHO WOULD THEN HAVE TWO JOBS TO BE FIRED FROM IN THREE MONTHS, WHICH WOULD BE UNUSUAL BUT NOT UNPRECEDENTED. THERE WAS ONE OTHER SECRETARY OF STATE WHO ALSO ACTED AS NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER, HENRY KISSINGER, WHICH WOULD MAKE SENSE FOR TRUMP, BECAUSE NOBODY KISSINGER KISSINGER KISSINGERS HIS ASS LIKE MIKE POMPEO. HE MADE IT CLEAR HE HAS MANY OPTIONS TO FILL THIS MOST RECENT HOLE.>>A LOT OF PEOPLE WANT THE JOB. IT’S A GREAT JOB. IT’S GREAT BECAUSE IT’S A LOT OF FUN TO WORK WITH DONALD TRUMP, AND IT’S VERY EASY, ACTUALLY, TO WORK WITH ME. YOU KNOW WHY IT’S EASY? I MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS. THEY DON’T HAVE TO WORK.>>Jimmy: SOUNDS LIKE A TERRIFIC WORKING ENVIRONMENT. HE MAKES ALL THE DECISION, WHETHER THEY BE ORIGINAL RECIPE OR EXTRA CRISPY. OF ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS HE’S BEEN TRYING TO DO, THERE’S ONE SUBJECT ON WHICH THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN CRYSTAL CLEAR, AND THAT IS THIS.>>I’M AN ENVIRONMENTALIST. I WANT CRYSTAL CLEAN WATER. I WANT CRYSTAL CLEAN WATER. WE’RE GOING TO HAVE CRYSTAL CLEAN WATER. CLEAN, BEAUTIFUL, CRYSTAL WATER. CLEAN, CRYSTAL CLEAN WATER. WE WANT CLEAN WATER. CRYSTAL. CLEAN, BEAUTIFUL, CRYSTAL WATER. NICE, BEAUTIFUL, CLEAN WATER.>>Jimmy: SO WHAT DID THEY ANNOUNCE TODAY? THEY’RE ROLLING BACK OBAMA’S CLEAN WATER ACT WHICH LIMITS THE AMOUNT OF CHEMICALS BUSINESSES CAN PUT IN OUR WATER. HOW DOES IT WORK. DID THEY WAKE UP AND SAY WHAT HORRIBLE THING CAN WE DO TODAY? I KNOW, LET’S POISON THE WATER. HE’S ROLLED BACK PROTECTION OF THE WATER, AIR, ENDANGERED SPECIES AND PUBLIC LAND. ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS ROLLING BACK WHAT OBAMA D IID. I’M SURPRISED HE DIDN’T ORDER SASHA AND MALEAH BACK INTO THE WOMB. THE CANDIDATES WERE WARNED BY ABC NEWS AND THE DNC NOT TO USE FOUL LANGUAGE, BECAUSE IF THERE’S ONE THING WE’VE LEARNED, IT’S THAT VOTERS WILL NOT TOLERATE A PRESIDENT WHO USES FOUL LANGUAGE. WITH THAT SAID, IT’S TIME FOR A SPECIAL DEBATE EDITION OF THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY CENSORSHIP.>>LAST YEAR, DEMOCRATS [ BLEEP ]ED 40 REPUBLICAN [ BLEEP ]S IN THE HOUSE.>>I’VE MET PEOPLE [ BLEEP ] THEIR DOCTORS. I’VE MET PEOPLE WHO [ BLEEP ] THEIR NURSES, WHO [ BLEEP ] THEIR PHARMACISTS.>>YOU’VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THE WORKING CLASS ISSUES. THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE A [ BLEEP ] AFTER WORK.>>THIS IS ABOUT HONESTY, BIG [ BLEEP ].>>IN MY DEBATE I WAS CALLED A [ BLEEP ] FROM THE IRON RANGE. WHEN SHE SAID IT, I SAID [ BLEEP ] YOU.>>THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR YOU AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. [ BLEEP ] YOU.>>I KNOW HOW [ BLEEP ]. AND I KNOW HOW TO WIN. I [ BLEEP ] GIANT [ BLEEP ], AND I BEAT THEM.>>I AM ASIAN. SO I HAVE A LOT OF [ BLEEP ], [ BLEEP ].>>IF YOU WANT TO COMPARE [ BLEEP

Jimmy Kimmel on Democratic Debate


>>Jimmy: EARLIER TONIGHT FROM THE FOX THEATER THE FIRST OF TWO DEMOCRATIC DEBATES THIS WEEK. IT’S JOHN HICKENLOOPER’S ELECTION TO LOSE. THIS WAS SOME LINEUP. IT WAS MORE PILEUP THAN LINEUP. TEN CANDIDATES GOT SEVEN SECONDS EACH TO SOLVE THE HEALTH CARE CRISIS. THERE WERE MORE CHARACTERS THAN ON THE SHOW “THIS IS US” IN THIS DEBATE. THERE THEY ARE. MEET THE NEW MANAGEMENT TEAM AT KINKOS. JOHN HICKENLOOPER STRETCHING ON BETO’S FOOT THERE. THAT’S ONLY HALF OF THEM. IT’S WEIRD, THEY DON’T HAVE A BETTER PROCESS FOR THINNING THE HERD. HAVE 30 YEARS OF REALITY TV TAUGHT THE DEMOCRATS NOTHING? YOU CAN’T GO FROM 20 CANDIDATES RIGHT TO ONE. YOU HAVE TO PUT THEM ON AN ISLAND AND SEPARATE THEM INTO TRIBES. CAN’T THEY COMBINE STEVE BULLOCK AND JOHN DELANEY AND MAKE THEM ONE GUY? CNN HAS BEEN HYPING THIS THING FOR WEEKS NOW. AS YOU CAN SEE, THE FANS LINED UP THIS MORNING IN DETROIT WERE FIRED UP.>>GOVERNOR, THESE ARE YOUR PEOPLE HERE.>>THEY ARE. AND WE’RE FIRED UP. WE’RE THRILLED CNN IS HERE AND THIS DEBATE, MICHIGAN, EVERY ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE GOES THROUGH MICHIGAN.>>Jimmy: MY GOD, YOU COULD ALMOST FILL A MINI VAN WITH ALL THOSE PEOPLE. THERE WERE A LOT OF RULES TONIGHT. CNN GAVE THE CANDIDATES 60 SECONDS TO ANSWER A QUESTION. 30 SECONDS FOR A REBUTTAL. WHEN THEIR TIME WAS UP, A RED LIGHT APPEARED WHICH DID PUT BERNIE SANDERS AT A DISADVANTAGE. BECAUSE USUALLY WHEN THE LIGHT TURNS RI TURNS RED HE FALLS ASLEEP UNTIL SOMEONE BEHIND HIM HONKS THE HORN. HE ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE HE’S POINTING AT EVERY BUTTON IN THE ELEVATOR AT ONCE. HE HAS PROGRESSIVE IDEAS AND IS TRYING TO REACH YOUNGER VOTERS. NOWADAYS, IF YOU WANT TO ATTRACT THE YOUNGER CROWD ALL YOU NEED IS THE BABY FILTER.>>WE HAVE TO TAREK ONKE ON HIS SEXISM, SEASON SEASON PHOBIA.>>Jimmy: A LOT OF PEOPLE NOTICED THAT AMY KLOBUCHAR AND ELIZABETH WARREN WERE DRESSED ALIKE, BUT THEY WERE ACTUALLY DRESSED LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON. THERE’S MARYANN WILLIAMSON. REALLY? SHE’S LIKE IN THE MOVIE TRAILER CATS BECAME A PERSON. HOW MANY DREAM CATCHERS WAS THIS COME ABLE TO SELL? PRESIDENT TRUMP SAID HE WAS PLANNING TO WATCH THE DEBATE TODAY. HE STARTED THE DAY WITH LIGHT YELLING ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN.>>MITCH McCONNELL IS A MAN WHO KNOWS LESS ABOUT RUSSIA AND RUSSIAN INFLUENCE THAN EVEN DONALD TRUMP, AND I KNOW NOTHING. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: FINALLY COMMON GROUND. THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN TAKING A LOT OF HEAT FOR HIS ATTACKS ON THE CITY OF BALTIMORE AND THEIR CONGRESSMAN ELIJAH CUMMINGS, CUMMINGS IS AFRICAN-AMERICAN AND MOST OF BALTIMORE. BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, PRESIDENT TRUMP IS NOT RACIST AS THE LEAST RACIST PERSON IN THE WORLD.>>I AM THE LEAST RACIST PERSON THAN ANY ONE IN THE WORLD.>>Jimmy: HE HAS TO BE THE LEAST RACIST PERSON ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. WHAT IS THAT? DOES THAT MEAN HIS WIFE AND KIDS ARE MORE RACIST THAN HE IS? IF YOU DO A GOOGLE SEARCH FOR MOST RACIST PERSON IN THE WORLD, GUESS WHOSE FACE COMES UP FIRST, SECOND, SIXTH AND SEVENTH OUT OF TEN AND ON TOP OF NOT BEING RACIST, TRUMP CLAIMS THAT AFRICAN-AMERICANS IN BALTIMORE ARE HAPPY ABOUT WHAT HE SAID.>>THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CALLING THE WHITE HOUSE. THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY AS WHAT A PRESIDENT HAS DONE. BUT THEY’RE SO HAPPY THAT I POINTED OUT THE CORRUPT POLITICS OF BALTIMORE. IT’S FILTHY DIRTY. IT’S SO HORRIBLE. AND THEY ARE HAPPY AS HELL. [ LAUGHTER ]>>Jimmy: MR. PRESIDENT, AFRICAN-AMERICANS ARE ON THE PHONE. THEY’RE HAPPY YOU SAID THEY LIVE IN HELL. NOTHING IS TRUE. A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THIS RACIST STUFF IS PART OF TRUMP’S MASTER PLAN TO FIRE UP HIS BASE. I THINK THEY’RE GIVING HIM TOO MUCH CREDIT.

‘I am sorry for the harm I have caused’: Elizabeth Warren at Native American forum


The message I hear from
Indian country is one of resilience and hope. Now before I got any further
in this, I want to say this. Like anyone who’s being
honest with themselves, I know that I have
made mistakes. I am sorry for the
harm I have caused. I have listened and
I have learned a lot and I am grateful for the many
conversations that we’ve had together.

Trump Falls Asleep On Queen Elizabeth And Hum….. | POLITICS NEWS



Donald Trump was captured on video falling asleep while the Queen delivered her banquet speech in honor of the US / British relationship there is literally no presidential situation that Donald Trump can't screw up it is especially ironic that the president fell asleep on the Queen after he claimed that Hillary Clinton was too low-energy to be President and he spends half of his time on Twitter trying to make sleepy Joe Biden a thing Trump is the low-energy president who doesn't start work before 11:00 a.m. and requires lots of executive time where he tweets watches TV and talks to his friends the latest leak of his private schedule revealed a president who spends most of his time doing nothing Donald Trump is so low energy that he can't even stay awake in front of the Queen of England the British government has rolled out the red carpet for Trump and the president embarrasses his country by not being able to stay awake while the Queen is speaking Trump has a history of senior moments where he ain't lessly wanders off during his overseas trips but this is the first that he has been caught nodding and incapable of fulfilling even the simplest presidential function