“INTERROGATING ZUCKERBERG” — A Bad Lip Reading


Thanks for coming Mr. Zuckerberg. How are you? Just a sec. Mom? Could you get me my Frodo ring? I want it here Okay, now that we got the ring sorted out we can move on to the topic at hand, which
is the concerns that have been raised– You need water, okay… Now as I was saying, there’s been a lot of
concern about peoples’ private information and how– Okay, how ’bout you just chug the water? I want you to cut it off Are you blowing bubbles? I”m gonna have to spank you Okay now, are you good? I swear, it’s like he’s got a mask on Listen kid, blink if you’re not a lamp We’d like you to make a little smile just to show that you can Oh, good heavens, that’s just horrible. Stop that son! For the rest of the day, will you not do that
please? Umm, so, I have to admit that all of this
is just boring as beans And I’m – what are we talking about? And what am I gonna ask? It was about… oh yeah
So, when I have the Facebook then do I also have the internet? Umm, yeah, you do
Mmm-hhhh I’d just like everyone to know that my van
is for sale Great
I mean, I don’t know how you feel about that But if you got to kinda like drive it and
stuff, then You know I’m pretty sure you’d want to buy
it Nope
Wait, cuz this van, I mean, it’s special Nope
No, hey, I’ll send you a picture and you’ll say “I want this in my driveway” No, please don’t send anything Okay, well I guess you’re stupid It’s just a van I told you it’s a special van! Do you think that I might need to shave my
head for a Frenchman? Because some people have said to me “you should
shave your head” What do you think? Just say “No, I will not do that? Okay Mr. Zuckerman World War I was awful, do you agree? Uh, yes Well, why are we even here then? Senator Graham? [singing] “Judy you were meant to be only with me”
“La da da da – Judy you were born in moonlight” Senator Graham? Huh? Do you got any questions for me, or…? Shoot, see, what happened there is you guys
caught me singing “Judy Moonlight” Because I really like it. It’s a really great song. Because of, Judy Moonlight is the one the
song is about Hey, ask me something Do you like your heart rate? I’ll get back to you about that My turn! Can we be friends later? No, I mean, we probably shouldn’t Would you say that if I lived in a treehouse? I doubt it Have you ever smelled a girl’s feet? Cuz I imagine you and me could be doing that
at some point No WHat’s the problem, little friend? Don’t try to get in my Porsche again But I really like yoU! MISTER FACEBOOK MAN
Lift your hand out like this, boy, swing it out like this
You think it’s hard? Believe me, I could hold a hand in the air
all DAY You see it? I see it It’s tradition where I’m from to stare at the outstretched hand! That’s for having your hair like that Hey, I’ll go bro Do you worry about those little weenies you
get from Barb from downstairs? I do not want that to be a thing Hey really, man, I think people will find you more fun if you open your mind about the
little weenies I doubt that Over here Sorry kid, I forget your name Uh, Bojang Bugami Bugami, that’s weird! Say, what is that? Flemish, or French, or Japanese, or Anglo?
Yep Okay Good hang, buddy Cool hang You have a bean head Wow, really? That’s great That kind of reminds me of how I knew Einstein back when I was just a kid
And I would go to his apartment and dude had a green bean bag I wish that was right And he had this deal where you could also
make all the chocolate milk you liked You know, I can tell you what Einstein would
have said about Facebook: HORSE MANURE PILE Umm, that’s cool Turd satchel — remember, those are Einstein’s words Hey Mark Do you have a painful scrote? Uh, no I do not Well you will in time Judy you were meant to be only with me, la
da da da Judy you were born in moonlight Judy you were meant to be only with me, la da da da Judy you were born in moonlight

Chappelle’s Show – I Know Black People, Pt. 2


LET’S SEE HOW IT GOES
IN THE NEXT ROUND. ARE YOU READY? WHAT IS A LOOSEY? – NOW, I SHOULD KNOW THIS. A SMOKE.
ding! – DAMN, THAT’S–
THAT’S ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. A SINGLE CIGARETTE. – A LOOSE CIGARETTE. ding!
– THAT IS CORRECT. – A CIGARETTE. ding!
– THAT IS CORRECT. WHAT IS A LOOSEY? – IS THAT A– A WAY OF SAYING ORAL SEX? buzz! – NO, BUT WE SHOULD
START SAYING THAT. WHAT IS A LOOSEY? – ONE CIGARETTE BOUGHT
AT THE STORE FROM THE ARABS. ding!
– THAT IS CORRECT. A CIGARETTE BOUGHT
AT THE STORE, ONE LOOSE CIGARETTE,
FROM AN ARAB. [people shouting]
BLACK PEOPLE! – WHAT IS A CHICKENHEAD? – THAT’S A WOMAN
WHO PUTS HER MOUTH ON THE MEMBER OF A– OR SOMETIMES CALLED
A CRACK WHORE. ding!
– THAT IS ACCEPTABLE. THAT IS ONE OF THE MANY
DEFINITIONS OF A CHICKENHEAD, A FELLATIOUS WOMAN. THERE WE GO. MARK, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP. – LET’S SEE. SOMEBODY ON TV
USED TO SAY CHICKENHEAD. “YOU’RE SUCH A CHICKENHEAD.” – I DON’T KNOW
WHAT SHOW THIS IS, BUT I’D LIKE TO SEE IT. – SOMEBODY WHO’S STUPID. buzz! – NO, A CHICKENHEAD
IS A HOOCHIE, WHORE, OR A FELLATIOUS WOMAN,
APPARENTLY. – IT CAN BE USED
FOR DIFFERENT THINGS. IT’S MOSTLY USED TO DESCRIBE
A HO OR AN UGLY WOMAN. – A WOMAN THAT LIKES
TO SUCK PENIS. A WOMAN THAT LIKES
TO SUCK PENIS. – TO GIVE A LOOSEY. – THAT’S RIGHT,
TO GIVE A LOOSEY. WHAT IS A CHICKENHEAD? – OH, YOU CAN FIND THAT ANYWHERE
IN THE HOOD, ON THE BLOCK. IT’S A BIRD, ONE OF THOSE THAT YOU JUST
BRING HOME AND WEAR OUT. ding!
– THAT IS CORRECT. A BIRD THAT YOU BRING HOME
AND WEAR OUT. THAT IS CORRECT. THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE FOR.
THAT’S HOW THEY’RE USED. [people shouting]
BLACK PEOPLE! – FINISH THIS
GOOD TIME
LYRIC: “TEMPORARY LAYOFFS,
GOOD TIMES. “EASY CREDIT RIP-OFFS, “GOOD TIMES. “SCRATCHING AND SURVIVING, “GOOD TIMES. “BLANK, GOOD TIMES.” – I KNOW THAT ONE CHARACTER
ONGOOD TIMESWAS J.J. WALKER. – THAT’S VERY GOOD. I GET MISTAKEN FOR HIM A LOT
IN SHOPPING MALLS. – ANOTHER ACTRESS
ONGOOD TIMESIS LENNY KRAVITZ’S MOTHER. buzz! – OH, I’M SORRY,
THAT WASTHE JEFFERSONS,BUT CLOSE. both: ♪ EASY CREDIT RIP-OFFS ♪ ♪ GOOD TIMES ♪ ♪ SCRATCHING AND SURVIVING ♪ – ♪ GOOD TIMES ♪ [humming] ♪ GOOD TIMES ♪ – DAMN. both:
♪ AIN’T WE LUCKY WE GOT ‘EM ♪ – ♪ GOOD TIMES ♪ – YEAH, I… – I REMEMBER WHEN WILLIS
HAD A DRINKING PROBLEM. buzz! – “SCRATCHING
AND SURVIVING, “GOOD TIMES. “BLANK,
GOOD TIMES.” – MM-HMM, AND I’VE ALWAYS
WONDERED THIS MYSELF. AND IT SOUNDS LIKE
“HANGIN’ IN A JURY,” BUT IT’S– IT’S–IT’S–AND IS IT A– – SAY IT ONE MORE TIME. SAY WHAT YOU JUST SAID
ONE MORE TIME. – ♪ HANGIN’ IN A JURY ♪ UM, AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT,
AS A KID, “DOES THAT MEAN THAT SOMEONE
IS HUNG IN A JURY?” BUT I DIDN’T– YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO SAY
YOU CAN TELL I KNOW THE ACTUAL SONG, BUT THOSE ONES, I NEVER
COULD DECIPHER WHAT IT WAS. IT WAS A– – BRYAN TUCKER JUST POINTED OUT
A FACT THAT IS VERY TRUE. THIS IS THE MOST DISPUTED LYRIC IN ALL
OF THEGOOD TIMESLYRICS. – YES. – I AM INCLINED
TO GIVE HIM THE POINT. I LOOK AT MY JUDGES– ding!
HE GETS THE POINT. – ALL RIGHT,
AND WHAT IS THE LYRIC? – THE CORRECT LYRIC: “HANGIN’ IN A CHOW LINE.” I HAD TO LOOK IT UP
ON THE INTERNET MYSELF. I THOUGHT IT WAS
“HANGIN’ A JACKET.” [people shouting]
BLACK PEOPLE! – AND NOW
FOR THE FINAL QUESTION. ARE YOU READY? – I’M READY. – HOW CAN BLACK PEOPLE
RISE UP AND OVERCOME? – HOW CAN THEY RISE UP
AND OVERCOME? WELL, CAN THEY OVERCOME?
NO, I’M JUST-. ding!
– THAT IS CORRECT. – [laughs] – REPARATIONS. ding!
– THAT IS ACCEPTABLE. – THIS IS A RAP LYRIC? – NO, THIS–I’M SORRY. – OH, THIS IS
A GENERAL QUESTION. – THIS IS AN ACTUAL QUESTION.
– ALL RIGHT. THERE’S A COMPLEX ANSWER THERE. ding!
– THAT IS CORRECT. – STAYING ALIVE. ding!
– THAT IS CORRECT. THAT IS CORRECT. – WELL, STOP CUTTIN’
EACH OTHER’S THROAT. ding!
– THAT ALSO IS CORRECT. HOW CAN BLACK PEOPLE
RISE UP AND OVERCOME? – GET OUT AND VOTE. buzz! – THAT IS INCORRECT,
I’M AFRAID. – [laughing]
– I’M SORRY. [people shouting]
BLACK PEOPLE! – WELL, FOLKS, OUR JUDGES
TALLIED UP THE SCORES, AND WE HAVE A WINNER. ROB THE DJ.
ROB, COME ON OUT. EXCELLENT JOB, ROB.
CONGRATULATIONS. HERE’S THE GRAND PRIZE. OF COURSE, IT CONTAINS
A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF MURRAY’S HAIR CREAM. THAT’S RIGHT. AND ONE CAN IS
A LIFETIME SUPPLY, TRUST ME. TWO BOOTLEG DVDs. AND, OF COURSE,
WHAT WOULD A GRAND PRIZE BE WITHOUT A PACK
OF MENTHOL CIGARETTES? [people shouting]
BLACK PEOPLE!

Chappelle’s Show – “Frontline” – Clayton Bigsby Pt. 2 – Uncensored


CLAYTON BRIGSBY, BLACK WHITE
SUPREMACIST VENTURED OUT
INTO AN UNSUSPECTING WORLD. SIR, YOU’RE A FRIEND. WHY NOT TELL HIM HE’S
AFRICAN-AMERICAN ? LISTEN, MAN, HE’S TOO
IMPORTANT TO THE MOVEMENT. IF I TELL HIM HE’S BLACK,
HE’D PROBABLY KILL HISSELF JUST SO THERE’D BE ONE LESS
NIGGER AROUND. HIS COMMITMENT IS THAT DEEP. I’M OVERWHELMED
BY THE IRONY. ( banging ) UH-OH. ( man )
WHAT, YOU LOST, BOY ? ( man )
MOVE ON, MOVE ON. WE DON’T LIKE YOUR KIND
AROUND HERE ! YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE
‘FORE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS. THAT’S RIGHT,
THAT’S RIGHT ! TELL THAT NIGGER ! BEAT IT,
YOU SORRY NIGGER ! COME ON, CLAYTON,
WE GOTTA GO. OH, JASPER, THERE’S
A NIGGER AROUND HERE. THAT DAMN MONKEY WAS
BEATIN’ MY HOOD ! WHITE POWER ! NIGGER– THE CONFUSION
DID NOT END THERE. ( hip-hop music ) HEY, WHY DON’T YOU JUNGLE
BUNNIES TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN ?! NIGRAS MAKE ME SICK ! WOOGIE-BOOGIE,
NIGGER ! WOOGIE-BOOGIE ! DID HE JUST CALL US
“NIGGERS” ? AWESOME ! THE ANTICIPATION WAS AT
A FEVER PITCH AS WE ARRIVED AT
MR. BIGSBY’S BOOK SIGNING. THIS IS THE MAN
WHO SHOULD BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES ! ( cheering ) ALL RIGHT, JASPER,
TIME TO SHOW THESE PEOPLE WHAT WHITE POWER’S
ALL ABOUT. YOU BETTER PUT
YOUR HOOD ON, CLAYTON, MIGHT WANNA HIDE
YOUR IDENTITY. IT’D BE SAFER,
IN CASE SOME RADICAL AIN’T SYMPATHETIC TO THE CAUSE
AND WANTS TO SHOOT YOU. THAT’S GOOD THINKING,
ALL RIGHT. I’M GONNA
PUT MY HOOD ON. HERE, LET ME GET THAT. ( man )
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
THE MAN WHO MADE US
PROUD TO BE WHITE, NONE OTHER THAN,
CLAYTON BIGSBY ! LET’S HEAR IT ! ( cheers & applause ) WHITE POWER ! EVERYBODY, I HAVE
A LOT OF THINGS TO DISCUSS, MAINLY NIGRAS. AMERICA’S AT WAR
WITH AL QAEDA, BUT WE’RE STILL LOSING THE WAR
AGAINST AL SHARPTON ! ( host )
THE ASIAN COMMUNITY
WAS A TARGET AS WELL. LET’S TALK ABOUT
CHINESE PEOPLE, WITH THEIR KUNG FU AND ALL THAT SILLY
“CHING CHANG CHONG” TALK. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU,
GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY. WHITE POWER. MR. BIGSBY WAS ALSO CRITICAL
OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY. DON’T LET THE LIBERAL MEDIA
TELL YOU HOW TO THINK AND FEEL. IF YOU HAVE HATE IN YOUR HEART,
LET IT OUT. IF YOU DON’T LIKE
WILL & GRACE,
THAT DON’T MEAN THERE’S
SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. IT MEANS THERE’S SOMETHING
WRONG WITH WILL ! HE’S A HOMOSEXUAL. POLITICIANS
WEREN’T SPARED EITHER. WHITE POWER ! COLIN POWELL… “CUNNILINGUS” RICE. “CUNNILINGUS” RICE
SOUNDS LIKE A MEXICAN DISH, MAYBE WE SHOULD PUT HER ON
A PLATE AND SEND HER TO MEXICO SO THE MEXICANS WILL EAT HER–
WHITE POWER. WHITE POWER ! JUST OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET THAT HATE OUT ! ( cheers & applause ) SHOW US YOUR FACE,
WE WANNA SEE YOUR FACE ! WHO SAID THAT,
YOU WANNA SEE MY FACE ? CLAYTON,
GO ON, BROTHER. DO YOU WANNA
SEE MY FACE ? DON’T BE AFRAID, JASPER. ( hollering ) WE TALKED ABOUT THIS– DON’T BE AFRAID,
SHINE YOUR LIGHT ! THERE IS COOKIE AND PUNCH
FOR US TO ENJOY, AND WE CAN MEET,
TALK ABOUT WHITE BROTHERHOOD. THANK Y’ALL FOR COMING,
WHITE POWER ! MR. BIGSBY WAS NOT HARMED
THAT NIGHT, BUT IRREPARABLE DAMAGE HAS
BEEN DONE TO HIS REPUTATION AND, IN MANY WAYS,
TO THE WHITE-POWER MOVEMENT. WE’RE TOLD THAT
IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS, HE HAS ACCEPTED THE FACT
THAT HE IS A BLACK MAN. AND THREE DAYS AGO, HE FILED FOR DIVORCE
FROM HIS WIFE. WHEN WE ASKED, “WHY,
AFTER 19 YEARS OF MARRIAGE ?” HE RESPONDED: “BECAUSE SHE’S
A NIGGER LOVER.” I’M KENT WALLACE,
GOOD NIGHT. ( man )
FUNDING FOR “FRONTLINE”
PROVIDED BY THE “TRENT LOTT FOUNDATION”
FOR PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING. LOVING BLACK PEOPLE,
ONE AT A TIME.

[YTP] The Actual Democratic Debate


Anderson Cooper: Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome the Democratic candidates for President of the United Socialist States! *cheers* Anderson Cooper: Now everybody, please rise
for our Soviet Union national anthem! *Soviet Union national anthem* Anderson Cooper: There is certainly a lot
of excitement in this room tonight and before we dive into the issues I want to quickly
explain some of the ground rules tonight: Each candidate will get 1 minute to answer
questions, Secretary Clinton will get 2 minutes to answer
questions, and Senator Webb will get 1 second. Let’s begin with Governor Chaffee. I’m the only one running for President that
has been a mayor, a United States Senator, and a Governor. I was appointed by my dad three times. I’m coming to take away your guns. *applause* Cooper: Governor O’Malley There are some things that I have learned
to do better in life than others and after 15 years of executive experience I have not learned how to be an effective
leader. I learned how to be a magician. I have learned how to get things done, whether
it was saddling our kids with a lifetime of crushing
debt. Thanks to Martin O’Malley, we had allowed
ourselves to become the most violent, addicted, and abandoned city
in America, and I ran and promised people that together
we could turn that around. I did not turn that around, but I attended a lot of funerals. *applause* Cooper: Governor O’Malley thank you very much,
Senator Sanders. Middle class, middle class, casino capitalist,
middle class, Wall St. Raise the minimum wage, middle class, insitutional
racism Middle class, a handful of billionaires, middle
class. Thank you. *cheers* Cooper: Senator Webb you have one second. Thank you. Cooper: You’re over your time. Webb: Well you’ve let a lot people- Cooper:
You’re over their time. Webb: -I would say this-
Cooper: You agreed to these debate rules. Cooper: Secretary Clinton. Clinton: Well first of all-
Webb: Anderson, can I get into this discussion at some point? Cooper: You will get one second, she will
get two minutes, so. Webb: I’ve been standing over here-
Cooper: You’re over your time. You agreed to these debate rules. Clinton: Well I am in the middle here, and I am coming from all directions. Um, you know I have to say When I think about capitalism I think about
me. You know, both Bill and I have been very blessed. I have spent a very long time, my entire adult
life looking for ways to stack the deck to help
me have a chance to get ahead. We have to figure out how we’re going to make
the tax system a fairer one. Right now, you pay too little and Bill and
I pay too much. What we have to do in America is save you
from the opportunity and the freedom in our country, Bill and I need it the most. Finally, fathers will be able to say to their
daughters, you too can grow up to stack the deck. *cheers* Anderson Cooper: Thank you all, time is up,
that is the first Democratic debate of the 2016 campaign, I’m Andersoon Cooper, thanks for joining us.

‘How To Be A Russian Oligarch’ With Billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov


FOLKS, IT IS DAY THREE OF RUSSIA
WEEK HERE AT THE LATE SHOW. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: ONE OF THE REASONS
I WENT TO RUSSIA IS BECAUSE THEY HAVE A STRONG MAN AS A LEADER
AND WE HAVE A MAN WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEEM STRONG. AND IF HE SUCCEEDS, IF WE’RE
LIVING UNDER A STRONG MAN, RUSSIA HAS PROVEN THAT THE BEST
THING TO BE IS AN OLIGARCH, WHICH IS RUSSIAN FOR RICH GUY,
DON’T ASK WHERE HIS MONEY CAME FROM. SEE, THIS IS HOW THINGS WORK
OVER IN RUSSIA. OVER THERE THE POLITICAL SYSTEM
IS CONTROLLED BY WEALTHY ELITES WHO BUY INFLUENCE AND PULL
STRINGS OF THE GOVERNMENT. WHEREAS IN AMERICA, WE SPEAK
ENGLISH. THE OLIGARCHS, THE OLIGARCHS ARE
BUSINESS FRIENDS OF VLADIMIR PUTIN WHO WERE GIVEN SWEETHEART
DEALS TO BUY STATE OWNED RESOURCES AFTER THE COLLAPSE OF
THE SOVIET UNION. I WAS HOPING TO MEET ONE AND
ALSO TO NOT DIE. AND WE FOUND THE PERFECT GUY. MIKHAIL PROKHOROV. JIM?>>Stephen: IN 1995, MIKHAIL
PROKHOROV, A FRIEND OF VLADIMIR PUTIN, STRUCK GOLD– IN THIS
CASE NICKEL– BECAUSE HE WAS ALLOWED TO BUY A STATE OWNED
NICKEL MINING CONGLOMERATE FOR JUST PENNIES ON THE NICKEL. 12 YEARS LATER, THE HIGH FLYING
BACHELOR HIGH FLEW IN HIS PRIVATE JET TO A FRENCH SKI
RESORT TO PARTY WITH 20 RUSSIAN MODELS WHO THE FRENCH POLICE
CLAIMED WERE PROSTITUTES, SO THEY ARRESTED HIM FOR “LE HUMAN
TRAFFICKING.” HE WAS NEVER CHARGED, BUT IT WAS
SO SCANDALOUS THAT REPORTEDLY PUTIN FORCED HIM TO SELL HIS
SHARE OF THE NICKEL MINE RIIIIIGHT BEFORE THE WORLD
ECONOMY DROVE OFF A CLIFF. SO LUCKY MICKY HERE ENDS UP WITH
MORE THAN $9 BILLION. HE HAS A JET, AND A YACHT SO BIG
IT HAS ITS OWN YACHT. HE ENJOYS PARTYING IN IBIZA,
HELI-SKIING AND MAKING ROCK VIDEOS OF HIMSELF DOING JET SKI
TRICKS. HE RAN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012,
BUT HE LOST TO PUTIN. WHICH SOME SAY WAS THE PLAN THE
WHOLE TIME. THAT’S DOING A BRO A SOLID. HE’S PALS WITH JAY-Z BECAUSE HE
OWNS THE BROOKLYN NETS, THE WORST BASKETBALL TEAM IN THE
WORLD. PROKHOROV STANDS 6’8″, AND DID I
MENTION FRIENDS WITH PUTIN? FOR SOME REASON HE INVITED ME TO
HIS HOUSE OUTSIDE MOSCOW. AND FOR SOME REASON I WENT. MIKHAIL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
TALKING TO ME TODAY.>>MY PLEASURE. CAN I CALL YOU STEVE?>>Stephen: YES.>>IF YOU SAID NO, YOU WILL
NEVER LEAVE THE COUNTRY.>>Stephen: THAT’S HILARIOUS. OKAY. TELL ME HOW TO OLIGARCH? OKAY, GREAT. AGAIN FUNNY JOKE, IS IT A JOKE?>>NOBODY KNOWS, IN RUSSIA.>>THAT’S THE FUNNY PART. W
WHAT’S YOUR WEIRD QUIRK? WHAT’S YOUR ECCENTRIC THING
WHERE PEOPLE GO THAT’S COOL HE IS A BILLIONAIRE. DO YOU, LIKE, GROW OUT YOUR
NAILS REALLY LONG? NO? THAT’S—-
>>NO.>>Stephen: THAT SEEMS FINE. DO YOU, LIKE, SAVE YOUR BODILY
FLUIDS IN JARS?>>NO.>>Stephen: DO YOU HAVE EXOTIC
PETS? LIKE A PET RHINO?>>I WATCH RERUNS OF THE GOOD
WIFE, THAT’S ABOUT ALL.>>Stephen: WHAT’S THE BEST
THING TO OWN IF YOU’RE SUPER RICH? DO YOU HAVE A YACHT?>>JUST A PIECE OF ADVICE FOR
YOU, STEVE. DON’T BE ATTACHED TO THINGS. BE FREE.>>Stephen: OKAY. BUT YOU DO HAVE A YACHT, RIGHT?>>YES, I HAVE.>>Stephen: OKAY. DO YOU HAVE A JET?>>BUT I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE
HECK IT IS.>>Stephen: YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE
YOUR YACHT IS?>>NO.>>Stephen: THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T
HAVE NICE THINGS. DO YOU HAVE A SPORTS TEAM?>>ONLY BROOKLYN NETS.>>Stephen: MORE LIKE THE
BROOKLYN NYETS! RIGHT?>>NO.>>Stephen: UP TOP! DON’T LEAVE ME HANGIN’! COME ON! THANKS. NOW YOU’RE SINGLE. WHAT’S A NICE, SUCCESSFUL,
HANDSOME GUY LIKE YOU DOING SINGLE? THERE’S GOT TO BE A LOT OF
PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO’D LIKE TO MARRY AN OLIGARCH.>>THAT’S TRUE.>>Stephen: OKAY. HAVE YOU JUST NOT FOUND THE
RIGHT GIRL AND 19 OF HER FRIENDS?>>I THINK IT’S NOT EASY.>>Stephen: ARE THERE
LADYGARCHS?>>I’VE NEVER MET ONE.>>Stephen: YOU’VE NEVER MET
ONE?>>NEVER IN MY LIFE.>>Stephen: HAVE YOU TRIED
TINDER?>>NOT YET.>>Stephen: LET ME SET UP YOUR
TINDER PROFILE. YOU’RE GONNA LOVE THIS, OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A
WIFE? WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU?>>LOVE.>>Stephen: LOVE.>>ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE,
STEPHEN.>>Stephen: AND $9 BILLION. ALRIGHT, WE NEED TO PUT A LINE
TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF. I’M GONNA PUT DOWN, “I MADE MY
FORTUNE MINING, BUT I HAVEN’T FOUND MY GEM.” THEY’RE GONNA MELT. HOBBIES? LET’S SEE, HOBBIES. I’LL PUT
DOWN WATCHING HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE BASKETBALL, OLIGARCHING YOU’RE
GONNA BE BEATING THEM OFF WITH A STICK. WE’RE GONNA FIND YOU THE RIGHT
GIRL.>>OKAY.>>Stephen: MIKHAIL, IF IT’S
POSSIBLE I WOULD LOVE TO GET A TOUR OF YOUR HOUSE.>>MY PLEASURE.>>Stephen: SHALL WE?>>SURE WE HAVE NO SECRET ROOMS
HERE.>>Stephen: I DIDN’T ASK THAT
WHICH IS ODD. IS THIS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS? IS THIS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS? OH, THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC
HAPPENS. OKAY, WHAT IS THIS? YOU SAID THERE WERE NO SECRET
ROOMS.>>IT’S NOT SECRET.>>Stephen: IT’S NOT A SECRET?>>IT’S JUST ANOTHER DOOR.>>Stephen: WHAT IS THIS?>>IT’S KALASHNIKOV.>>Stephen: AK-47 CAN I JUST
STAND– JUST ME– A PICTURE OF ME AND AN OLIGARCH HOLDING AN
AK-47? EVENTUALLY WHEN I’M BROUGHT UP
BEFORE THE HAGUE I WANT TO LOOK NICE. OH, JAPANESE THROWING STARS.>>NO, IT’S OLIGARCH THROWING
STARS.>>Stephen: OH, IT’S OLIGARCH
THROWING STARS. EVERY EIGHTH GRADE BOY IS LIKE,
“WHEN I GROW UP, I’M GONNA HAVE A SECRET ROOM BEHIND A WALL AND
I’M GONNA HAVE JAPANESE THROWING STARS AND A AK-47 AND BIG
PICTURES OF NAKED LADIES. I’M GONNA HAVE A JET AND A BOAT
I DON’T EVEN USE.” THAT’S LIKE– THAT’S LIKE–
THAT’S– THIS IS YOUR LIFE. YOU’RE LIVING THE PERFECT LIFE
OF AN EIGHTH GRADE BOY. OKAY, MIKHAIL DO YOU KNOW WHERE
YOU PUT THE OTHER ONE? OH, THIS IS A NICE KITCHEN,
LOVELY.>>YEAH, AND I WANT YOU– TO
SHOW AND TO TASTE OLIGARCH SNACK.>>Stephen: OLIGARCH SNACK? LIKE CAVIAR?>>BOLOGNA.>>Stephen: SO YOUR SNACK IS
BALOGNA ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE NOT AN 8-YEAR-OLD BOY?>>I’M SURE.>>Stephen: THESE ARE
EXTRAORDINARY.>>IT’S FOR SAUNA.>>Stephen: THIS IS THE BIGGEST
YARMULKE I HAVE EVER SEEN. IT’S THE COOLEST HAT THERE IS,
BECAUSE WE’RE OLIGARCHS. IT’S NOT A DUMB HAT AT ALL. CAN WE TOUCH, CAN WE TOUCH THE
TIPS? NOT A LOT OF MEN ARE COMFORTABLE
DOING THAT. OH, THIS IS NICE, YOU HAVE
PHOTOGRAPHS OF SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE BOATING ACCIDENTS,
THAT’S GOOD. JUST TO REMIND YOURSELF- “BE
CAREFUL.” OKAY, LET’S THROW SOME PIES ON
AND DO THIS.>>NO, NO, ITS VERY TRADITIONAL,
THIS IS NOT FOR YOU, IT’S FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE, NOT FOR
OLIGARCHS.>>Stephen: ARE YOU AFRAID I
WILL OUT-BENCH YOU?>>NO, NO, FOR YOU I HAVE
SPECIAL EQUIPMENT NOT HERE, ANOTHER PLACE.>>Stephen: I AGREED TO GO SEE
THIS “SPECIAL EQUIPMENT,” BUT FIRST I DITCHED MY SUIT FOR A
NEW RELAXED OLIGARCH LOOK. WE HEADED OFF TO A PRIVATE
SCHOOL MIKHAIL BUILT SO HE COULD PRACTICE AN ANCIENT, OBSCURE BUT
DEADLY, TIBETAN MARTIAL ART CALLED “TESCAO.” SO I’M NOT GOING TO HAVE TO KILL
ANYBODY?>>NO.>>Stephen: GOOD. AND YOU WOULD TELL ME IF I DID
RIGHT BECAUSE WE’RE FRIENDS?>>SURE.>>Stephen: OKAY. BECAUSE I’M NOT SAYING THAT I
WOULDN’T I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO. I’M NEW TO THIS. TURNS OUT THIS “TESCAO” PLACE IS
THE WORLD’S MOST EXPENSIVE TREE FORT. DESIGNED TO THE HIGHEST TESCAO
SPECIFICATIONS. FILLED WITH THINGS LIKE THIS,
THAT DO SOMETHING– ONE ASSUMES. THIS IS THE COOLEST GYMBOREE
I’VE EVER BEEN TO, WHAT TIME IS YOUR MOM PICKING YOU UP?>>TO BE AN OLIGARCH YOU NEED TO
HAVE BALANCE AND TO FOR THE BALANCE, I MEAN OLIGARCH BALANCE
YOU NEED BALLS.>>Stephen: THOSE I HAVE, MY
FRIEND. YOU ARE JUST MAKING THIS UP
RIGHT? THIS IS COOL, IT LOOKS LIKE DR.
SEUSS’ SEX DUNGEON. YOU’LL GET IT. I NOTICED THE FLOOR IN THIS
TESCAO TRAINING ROOM IS NOT EVEN, WHY IS THAT?>>YOU ARE OLIGARCH NOW YOU ARE
COMFORTABLE IN ANY SITUATION.>>Stephen: OH, I SEE. I GOT TO RELAX AND JUST SAY THIS
IS HOW IT IS, AND IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME THAT IT LOOKS LIKE THE
ARCHITECT WAS SMOKING WEED. COME ON YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME
SOMETHING.>>GREAT.>>Stephen: TESCAO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HAVE YOU EVER TRAINED IN THE FULL COLBERT? WHAT YOU DO IS YOU ON YOUR BACK
AND RELAX YOUR ARMS AND LEGS AND SEE HOW LONG YOU CAN HOLD IT. BUT YOU HAVE TO BREATHE, THOUGH. YOU HAVE GET BREATHING I COULD
GO FOR SOME OF THAT BOLOGNA. I THOUGHT I’D SEEN EVERYTHING. BUT THEN THE GIANT RUSSIAN
OLIGARCH ORDERED ME UNDERGROUND. OKAY, AND WHAT IS DOWN THERE
BEFORE I GO DOWN THERE?>>YOU ARE OLIGARCH YOU ARE NOT
AFRAID OF ANYTHING.>>Stephen: OKAY, WHATEVER I AM
GOING DOWN. THIS IS WHERE THE CHUCK E. CHEESE TURNED INTO THE DANGER
ZONE. WELCOME TO THE RED ROOM OF PAIN.>>STEVE, THIS IS LETHAL STAR. YOU CAN HIT THIS IN SOMEONE AND
TRY AND HIT THEM IN THE NECK. KEEP IT. I SHOW YOU.>>Stephen: THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT
I WAS GOING FOR.>>Stephen: ALRIGHT HERE IS THE
SCENARIO, SOMEBODY IS COMING UP BEHIND ME AND TRYING TO TAKE MY
OLIGARCHY AWAY, BUT THEY DON’T KNOW THAT I AM TRAINED IN
TESCAO. OKAY, I AM THEIR WORST NIGHTMARE
RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAVE MY STARS, WATCH OUT.>>EXCELLENT.>>Stephen: TESCAO! I WANT SOMETHING BIGGER AND
SHARPER. OH, YEAH.>>WHAT’S THAT?>>Stephen: WHAT’S THE ADVICE?>>JUST THROW.>>Stephen: JUST THROW IT, OKAY. LEFT FOOT FORWARD, RIGHT FOOT
FORWARD.>>ANY PLACE.>>Stephen: ANY PLACE. ALRIGHT THERE IS NO TRAINING AT
ALL?>>BE NATURAL. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: HOW MANY PEOPLE DO TESCAO IN THE ENTIRE WORLD?>>MAXIMUM MAYBE 25.>>Stephen: 25. SO I AM IN THE TOP 25
PRACTITIONERS OF TESCAO IN THE WORLD?>>YOU ARE IN THE TOP THREE FOR
SURE.>>Stephen: TESCAO! HOW OFTEN DO YOU DO THIS?>>EVERYDAY.>>Stephen: THIS IS YOUR
BILLIONAIRE THING! REMEMBER SAID IS THERE ONE CRAZY
THAT YOU DO THAT NO BODY ELSE DOES, THAT SEEMS NORMAL BECAUSE
YOU ARE A BILLIONAIRE. THIS IS IT! YOU HAVE A CLUB HOUSE PAINTED IN
DR. SEUSS COLORS IT HAS A DUNGEON IN IT WHERE YOU THROW
AXES AT THE WALL. YOU ARE AN HONEST TO GOD
OLIGARCH!>>ARE YOU SURE?>>Stephen: I AM POSITIVE. I WANT IN.>>NOW YOU ARE ON BOARD.>>Stephen: TOTALLY ON BOARD.>>TOTALLY ON BOARD.>>Stephen: THANK YOU. I NEED SOME BOLOGNA. SOME BALANCE OWNEE AM THANK YOU,
MIKHAIL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHOWING ME HOW TO BE AN OLIGARCH
AND FOR THE COOL HAT.

Tomi Lahren – Giving a Voice to Conservative America on “Tomi”: The Daily Show


Please welcome Tomi Lahren. -♪ ♪
-(cheering, applause) Thanks. Thank you. I’m in the lion’s den, Trevor. I am not a lion at all. Is that, like, an African thing?
No. Um, welcome to the show. Be-Before we get into it,
uh, I-I know who you are, because I-I…
my Facebook feed has you in it. Uh, there are a lot of people
who don’t, so if you don’t know Tomi Lahren, this is
a little taste of her show. The protesters are still out in
force, but let’s be honest– they’re not protesters, they’re
crybabies with nothing better to do than meander
around the streets with their participation
trophies and false sense of purpose.
This isn’t for Hillary. I’m not even sure
this is against Trump. It’s the same thing we’ve seen
time and time again with these so-called
protesters and demonstrators. It started with
the Occupy Wall Street brats, moved on to the more militant
and overtly aggressive Black Lives Matter More crowd, cycled through the DNC-paid
violence instigators and now here we are,
November of 2016, with President-elect
Donald Trump and a crowd of misfit babies formed from
every failed movement, all sandwiched together
to become the largest group of whiners the country
has ever seen. -All right… -Pretty much
covers it, doesn’t it, Trevor? Quick question–
like, why are you so angry? I’m actually not that angry.
It’s just there’s things that need to be said, Trevor,
and a lot of people -are afraid to say ’em.
-In an… in an angry way. I mean,
you can’t say you’re not angry and, I mean, this is-this is
what you’re known for. It’s a strange thing to say–
“I’m not angry”– but that is the one thing…
It’s like Ellen saying, “I don’t like dancing.”
It’s like, yeah, you do, Ellen. You do. You-you are angry
about everything, it seems. Some of these people just need
to be called on their (bleep). -You know? I mean, when…
-What-what… But when you say “your (bleep),”
what in particular? -Well, when you’re… -‘Cause
this is the-this is the thing– protesting a, you know,
fair and free election… that, to me, you-you’re gonna
get called on your (bleep) a little bit. It’s time
to clear the streets, it’s time to accept reality,
it’s time to move on, time to make America
great again. -You consider yourself
a conservative. -I do. -Okay. -I mean, a millennial,
so I don’t really like labels. -But, yes, I’m conservative
in thought. -Sorry, my brain… You just gave a label
to say you don’t like labels. -But, anyway, um…
-We exist on a spectrum, Trevor. I mean, you’re… Would you
consider yourself a liberal? That was just… that was
just funny. That was just funny. -It was just a funny moment.
Um… -I’m a millennial. -We can surprise you.
-It’s just… it’s just funny. Um, in terms
of Black Lives Matter, like, you know,
you have quite a record… For somebody who is not racist, you have to spend a lot of time
saying, “I’m not racist.” Uh… what is your biggest issue
with Black Lives Matter? I think– and I’ve said this
many times– it started with good intentions. I think it was.
It was well-intentioned. The moment that
they started pushing “hands up, don’t shoot”–
which is a false narrative, proven time and time again
to be a false narrative– the minute that that became
their slogan, the minute that protesting
turned into rioting and looting and burning
and militant actions, that’s when I lost respect
for Black Lives Matter. Okay, but, now, here’s my thing. Let’s address each
of these things one by one. When you go, protesting, turning
into rioting and looting, that’s not a Black Lives Matter
phenomenon. That is what happens when there
is a protest a lot of the time. There are people
who rioted and looted when teams won in Chicago
years ago. It doesn’t mean
that they are now bad people. That’s what happens… There are some bad people
in every instance. Going back
to Black Lives Matter, though, for you to say that… You say
they have good intentions, they had the good intentions. How are you labeling out
the actions of a few and condemning an entire group?
I don’t understand that. Because they subscribe to the
Black Lives Matter movement. They say, we are
the Black Lives Matter movement, fry ’em like bacon,
“F” the police. They are saying those things. These are a few people.
These are a few people. This is not
the Black Lives Matter pro… -These are… these are… -That
is not the platform, though. I saw it in my…
my city of Dallas. I saw what a Black Lives Matter
protest looked like. And I saw five fallen officers
because of it. -So I’ve seen… -That’s
not fair and that’s true. -That’s-that’s not… -No, no,
no, no, no, it is fair, Trevor, because the shooter said,
point blank shooter said, he’s doing this
because of Black Lives Matter. Yes, and there are many things
you can say. I mean, if you go outside, you can say anything about doing
something because of… You cannot deny that the man
had mental issues, as well, and he was in a tough place. Just because you say the thing
doesn’t mean -it’s what it stands for, right?
-Do you feel emboldened? Because
you’re the same person… You’re the same person
who argued on your show that just because Donald Trump
has supporters from the KKK doesn’t mean he’s in the KKK, so it goes
against that argument. He didn’t say…
he didn’t say… No. No. -(applause and cheering)
-It goes against that. You can’t say
he did it because of. No, but, he, the shooter said,
“I am…” Yes, but Black Lives Matter
has never said go out and shoot people. I’m saying, you’re saying this
to your audience, and I honestly do not understand
where you’re getting that from. Just because a person… What if somebody says, “I felt
emboldened by Tomi Lahren, and so I went out,
and I shot black people”? Are you now responsible?
Is that your black…? But it’s not one… Trevor,
it’s not one or two people. -If you look at it…
-How many people is it? If you look at it in every city, -look at the protests that have
gone on. -How many people is it? In Baltimore, in Ferguson,
in New York City, the protests that have now
turned to anti-Trump protests. -These are not a few people.
-Okay. -This is mass crowds of people.
-Okay. They’re doing this in the name
of Michael Brown. They’re doing this
in the name of Freddie Gray. They’re doing it as the front
of Black Lives Matter, and the mainstream media
is emboldening these people. Okay, so then let’s use
that same logic that you’re using, then,
and then go, police. Are the police racist?
Because police in many cities… You look at Baltimore, or you look
at what happened in New York, you look at what happened
in the case of Walter Scott. You tell me,
are police racist? Because they’ve been shown
to harass black people unfairly. They’ve been shown
to shoot black people when they’re unarmed. Does that
mean the police are racist then? Because that’s the same logic
you’re using. -It’s really not, though,
Trevor, because… -It is. the mainstream media is not
emboldening them as a group. -(groaning, booing)
-It’s not. And did you know that a black man is 18.5 times
more likely to shoot a police officer
than a police officer is to shoot a black man?
Those are statistics -no one wants to talk about.
-(booing, groaning) Here’s the thing.
So, let me ask you this, then. If you say, as you said
when you walked out, “I’m not as mean
as people think I am, I’m not the person
that people think I am,” what do you wish people
would understand about you that are in another bubble? What do you wish people would
understand about you on the other side? I wish that we could disagree
with each other without thinking that we are bad
people or ill-intentioned folks. So because I criticize
a black person or I criticize
the Black Lives Matter movement, that doesn’t mean
that I am anti-black. It does not mean
that I don’t like black people, or that I’m a racist. It means
I’m criticizing a movement. I criticize Colin Kaepernick. That doesn’t mean
that I don’t believe in his First Amendment rights. It means that I believe
in my First Amendment rights to criticize him. So it doesn’t make me
a bad person, it doesn’t make me a racist
to point out… I mean, I’ve never used
racial slurs to address people. I’ve never looked down
on someone because of their skin color. To me, true diversity
is diversity of thought, not diversity of color.
I don’t see color. I go after Hillary Clinton, -(laughter, groaning) -and
she’s as white as they come. You don’t…
you don’t see color? So what do you do
at a traffic light? -(laughter, applause & cheering)
-I don’t believe in that at all, when people say that. There’s nothing wrong
withseeingcolor. It’s how you treat color
that’s more important. -You’re right. It is.
-Here’s my thing. Like, all these points
that you make are great, and I do believe
that you believe them. And I don’t believe
anyone is actively trying… There are a few people
who are trying to be bad
from their point of view. But when I look
at what you’re saying, you say you’re not pushing
a racist narrative, you’re not…
you’re criticizing. Do you really believe
you’re criticizing and you’re not mal-intentioned
when you say things like Black Lives Matter
is the new KKK? Because you realize Black Lives
Matter can’t be thenewKKK, the KKK is still around. -They have not vacated
their premises, -(clears throat) -(applause)
-and most importantly, to say Black Lives Matter
is the new KKK is… like, to really, really minimize
what the KKK did and what they stand for–
that is not the same thing. Surely you understand
the incendiary, like… -But… -feeling of your
comments. You know that, surely. It’s controversial, but
I think there are some things that need to be said, and when
the Black Lives Matter movement is going out with signs saying,
“Fry ’em like bacon, F the police,”
when they’re going out saying if you see a white person,
target them… That is happening, Trevor. That happened in Milwaukee
not too long ago. That is happening. So when
that now becomes the narrative and you’re starting to loot,
burn and riot, -what did the KKK do?
-That is not… Look, we’ll go around
in circles… Did you say,
“What did the KKK do?” No. What did they do?
When you’re saying… -(laughter) -Wow.
-Listen, listen… Trevor… -Wow.
-Trevor, when you’re saying… when there are people
in the street saying if you see a white person,
beat their ass… does that not sound reminiscent
of the KKK -or their motives to you?
-Is that the narrative of Black Lives Matter,
or are there people who are saying that within
a crowd of other human beings? There is a distinction between
a movement and the people. That is something
that we keep coming back to. But let’s go back
to what you were saying on Colin Kaepernick
and the National Anthem. This is something
I don’t understand, and I…
when I watch your videos, I go…
I truly do not understand. You say… Colin Kaepernick
is exercising his First Amendment rights,
and you are exercising your First Amendment rights
in criticizing him. -Mm-hmm.
-So what you’re saying is… “You have the right to say
anything you want, so shut up.” No. Not at all. I’m saying I don’t agree
with what he did. -Yes. -I think that
he went about it the wrong way. -I don’t think he understands…
-What is the right way? When people say that,
I’m always fascinated. What is the right way? So,
here’s a black man in America who says, I don’t know
how to get a message across. If I march in the streets,
people say I’m a thug, if I go out and I protest,
people say that it’s a riot, if I bend down on one knee, then
it’s… What is the right way? That is something
I’ve always wanted to know. What is the right way
for a black person -(applause, cheering)
-to get attention in America? Taking it out… Trevor… taking it out on our flag
and our National Anthem, -to me…
-But how? Why would you take out your perceived oppression
of black people out on the National Anthem
and our flag? A country that you live in,
a country that you benefit from, a country that people
of all races have died for, have died to protect,
have died for the vote, died to be enfranchised
by this nation, how do you then go
and disrespect the flag and the anthem of that country? -Why is that the outlet?
-Well, maybe you’re a person who’s lived
and read through history, and you realize that a lot
of those people of every color who died for this country, some
of them didn’t have the rights that their fellow servicemen had when they came back to the
country after fighting for it. And that flag means a lot
to those folks, too. Maybe you’re one
of those people who realizes that the penal system in America
wasdesignedto oppress black people, it was
designed to enslave people, it is a relic of slavery. Maybe you’re
one of those people. So what I don’t understand is,
a guy is kneeling in the corner, I don’t understand
why that offends you so much. It’s not even like
he’s trying to sing over you. If he was doing that, he’s like,
♪ O say… ♪ O say canmesee!
No. He’s singing… He’s not… he’s not doing
anything that affects you. I don’t understand
why it gets to you. I genuinely don’t.
He’s in a corner, kneeling by himself– why
does that offend you so much? For me, I know what
that flag means to me, I know what that flag means
to those that are fighting for our country right now– it’s
bigger than a piece of cloth. It’s a symbol of patriotism. Our National Anthem has meant
a lot to a lot of people, it’s got a lot of people
through very hard times, and this country,
it’s got its scars, it’s got its wounds,
it’s got its history, but I still believe
it’s the greatest nation on the face of the Earth,
and I believe if you live in this country,
you can want to better it, but to disrespect
our flag and our anthem, in that way,
and that be your outlet to get out
whatever aggression you have, whether it be passive
or active aggression, I disagree with it. And so he has every right
to do it– that’s his
First Amendment rights, and I agree with his First
Amendment right to do it– I don’t agree with what he did. So because I don’t agree
with what he did, then nowIshould shut up?
Because I’m white? So I should shut up?
I shouldn’t be able to talk about black issues
’cause I’m white? No one brought up whites at all. I never said that.
I don’t see color. -I…
-(laughter) I don’t think that
that’s what the argument is. What I’m saying is…
I asked you one question, and that is:
How should a black person bring up their grievances? That’s all I ask. How? If that’s not the right way,
if marching isn’t the right way, whatisthe right way? When you talk…
What he said was, he is protesting
the anthem and the flag because of the oppression
of black people -in this country.
-Yes. I would like him
to further explain what he’s talking about
when he’s discussing -the black oppression
in this country. -Which he has. Also, is it against police?
Is it against the government? I’m not sure what oppression
he’s discussing. I would love
to have him come on my show and discuss it with me. To me, when you make the flag
and you make the anthem the outlet for your anger, or the outlet through which
you’re going to protest your country that you live in,
you reside in, that you take
$19 million a year from, I don’t think that that is the
correct outlet for your anger. So, what is he protesting? Again, you haven’t answered
my question of how… -how you want black people…
-So… I’m just asking how.
And I’m asking you… honestly, I’m not saying
in a challenging way– I’m saying to you,
I don’t know the answer apart from these methods,
so I would like to know if you’ve ever thought of a how. Because you’re the first person
I’ve met who’s said this. I’ve seen this message online. I’m not labeling you
as“thebad person.” I just want to know if
you’ve ever thought of the how. That’s all I want to know. For me, I think there are a lot
of folks in this country, I, being a woman, um, I didn’t
have rights after black people, until women
got the right to vote, but because I feel like
I’m a woman, and I’m marginalized
in some way, I don’t protest my country. I don’t see
what he’s protesting. -I would like to know exactly
what he is protesting. -So… -It’s a very…
-So how do you– No, no. -How do you protest, then?
That’s what… -I don’t protest. Because I’m not a victim. I guess we can,
we can go back and forth on a lot of these issues, um… It’s-it’s an interesting place
to be in, because, honestly, y-you’ve won,
you know. Like, your side has won,
as you say, you know. The liberal snowflakes
are melting in the streets as they protest. And now I would like to know
from your side, genuinely, as someone who’s won,
do you believe that Donald Trump will follow
through on his promises? I will be a vocal opponent
if he doesn’t. I am not somebody that gets on
the cheerleading bandwagon. If he does something I disagree
with, I will discuss it. I did before I was
a Trump supporter, I was critical of Trump. I was a Marco Rubio girl
for a long time, and then I started to see that
was gonna be our nominee. And I said it’s him or Hillary. -A lot of Americans
were in that position. -Yeah. And then I got closer
to the campaign, and I started seeing some
of the things he was saying, and I started seeing the effect
he was having on people, and the things that he was
saying that was touching people, -and making them feel like
they… -He was touching people. -Yeah. He was.
-(laughter) He really was. Hillary could use some of that
every now and then, right? Bill’s a little busy,
Bill’s a little busy. I appreciate you being
on the show. Thank you so much
for being here. -Thank you, Trevor.
-It is, a… a conversation we should
continue having, uh, having. You can find, uh,
Tomi’s Final Thoughts at Facebook.com/TomiLahren.

Hillary Clinton: Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis


[ theme music ] Where is he?
Wh-Where’s Zach? [ZACH] I was just
trying to scare her. I was just– Like in the…
Halloween spirit of it all. Not a good idea around
the Secret Service. – Are you okay?
– I’m fine. I’m fine.
Let’s start. Hi, welcome to another
edition of Between Two Ferns. I’m your– your host Zach Galifianakis,
and my guest today is Hillary… Clinton. Thank you very much
Mrs. Clinton for being here. Critics have questioned
some of your decision making recently, and by you doing this show
I hope it finally lays that to rest. Oh, I think it–
it absolutely proves their case.
Don’t you? Are you excited to be
the first girl President? Well, I mean being President
would be such an extraordinary honor, and responsibility,
but being the first women elected President and what that
would mean for our country, and particularly what
that would mean for, you know, not just little girls,
little boys too. – That’s pretty special.
– Mmhmm. Not to take away from the historic
significance of you perhaps becoming the first female President,
but for a younger, younger generation, you will also become their
first white President, and that’s pretty neat too. As Secretary, how many words
per minute could you type? And how does
President Obama like his coffee? Like himself? Weak? You know Zach, those are
really out of date questions. I… You need to
get out more. What happens if you
become pregnant? Are we going to be stuck
with Tim Kaine for 9 months? How does this work? I could send you some pamphlets
that might help you understand– First you supported Obama’s
Trans Pacific Partnership deal,
and then you were against it. I think that people deserve to know,
are you down with TPP? Uh… I’m not
down with TPP. No, you’re supposed to say,
“Yeah, you know me.” – Like the hip-hop group–
– Don’t tell me what to say. Fine, lose.
[softly] The country goes to shit. – Let’s talk about Trump, um–
– Oh, let’s. When you see how well it works for
Donald Trump, do you ever think to yourself, “Oh, maybe I should
be more racist?” When he’s elected President,
and Kid Rock becomes
Secretary of State, are you going to move to
Canada or one of the Arctics? I would stay in
the United States. – And what would you try to–
– I would try to prevent him destroying the
United States. So you’re going to
lead the Civil War? No. I wouldn’t–
I wouldn’t take up arms. I-I think that might
be a little extreme. Oh right, because you were saying
before we were rolling that you wanted to take away
everyone’s guns. Very cool.
Cool, cool, cool. I really regret
doing this. Any regrets over losing
the Scott Baio vote? Not a one. – So it wasn’t heartbreaking that–
– No. Yeah, but Chachi.
I mean who’s going to be next? Max Headroom? I’d love to meet the person
who makes your pants suits. Oh really. Yeah, because for Halloween,
I wanted to go as a librarian
from outer space. I think that would be
a good look on you. Have you thought about what you’re
going to be wearing at the debates? You know, there’s this thing called
the double standard, and so, I think about, well, what should the first woman nominee
of one of our two major parties wear to the debate,
and I have no idea, so if you’ve got suggestions
I’m open to them. Do you wonder what your
opponent might be wearing?
I mean– I-I assume he’ll wear, you know,
that red power tie. Or maybe like a
white power tie. That’s even more
appropriate. When you went to Donald Trump’s wedding,
did he write his own vows? And did Michelle Obama
write Melania’s? Um, I… really couldn’t see or hear very well.
So I’m not quite sure what his vows were, but I’m sure they were great
and huge and wonderful. Like his bowels. [ she chuckles ] Chelsea, your daughter, and Ivanka Trump,
Trump’s daughter, are friends– does Ivanka ever call Chelsea,
you know, to talk about boys that
might have crushers on her, like her dad? I don’t think so. What’s going to be the number
one focus of your Presidency? Oh Zach, it has to be the economy.
We need more good jobs
with rising incomes. We gotta make the economy
work for everybody, – not just those at the top–
– We need to take a… We need to take a break. We just need to have a
word from our sponsor. Okay. Washington is broken. The truth is too many politicians
are totally controlled by special
interests and lobbyist. We’re going to make
America great again. [DONALD in voiceover]
I’m Donald Trump,
and I approve this message. He approves the message. Wh-Why would you
play a commercial from my opponent in the
middle of our interview? He paid me in steaks. I would be afraid to
eat them if I were you. It’s a good cut of meat.
I think it’s part of the [bleep] hole. Well, this has been a lot
of fun Mrs. Clinton. We should stay in touch.
What’s the best way to reach you? Email? [voice from device]
You got mail! [ theme music ]

A political party for women’s equality | Sandi Toksvig


I am so excited to be here. Everything in America
is so much bigger than in Europe. Look at me — I am huge! (Laughter) It’s fantastic! And TED Talks — TED Talks
are where everybody has great ideas. So the question is: Where do
those great ideas come from? Well, it’s a little bit of debate, but it’s generally reckoned
that the average person — that’s me — has about 50,000 thoughts a day. Which is a lot, until you realize that 95 percent of them are the same ones you had the day before. (Laughter) And a lot of mine are really boring, OK? I think things like, “Oh! I know — I must clean the floor. Oh! I forgot to walk the dog.” My most popular: “Don’t eat that cookie.” (Laughter) So, 95 percent repetition. That leaves us with just a five percent
window of opportunity each day to actually think something new. And some of my new thoughts are useless. The other day I was watching
some sports on television, and I was trying to decide
why I just don’t engage with it. Some of it I find curious. This is odd. (Laughter) Do you think it would be
worth being that flexible just to be able to see
your heel at that angle? (Laughter) And here’s the thing: I’m never going to be able
to relate to that, because I’m never going
to be able to do it, OK? Well, not twice, anyway. (Laughter) But I’ll tell you the truth. The truth is I have never been
any good at sport, OK? I’ve reached that wonderful age
when all my friends say, “Oh, I wish I was as fit
as I was when I was 18.” And I always feel rather smug then. (Laughter) I’m exactly as fit as I was when I — (Laughter) (Applause) I couldn’t run then. I’m certainly
not going to do it now. (Laughter) So then I had my new idea: Why not engage people like me in sport? I think what the world needs now is the Olympics for people
with zero athletic ability. (Laughter) Oh, it would be so much more fun. We’d have three basic rules, OK? Obviously no drugs;
no corruption, no skills. (Laughter) It would be — No, it’s a terrible idea. And I also know why I don’t engage
with sport when I watch it on television. It’s because probably 97 percent of it
is about men running and men kicking things, men trying to look
neatly packaged in Lycra. There is — (Laughter) Not always successfully. There is — (Laughter) There is so little
female sport on television, that a young woman watching
might be forgiven for thinking, and how can I put this nicely, that the male member
is the very lever you need to get yourself off the couch
and onto a sports ground. (Laughter) The inequalities in sport
are breathtaking. So this is what happens to me: I have a brand new idea, and immediately I come back to an old one. The fact is, there is not now, nor has there ever been
in the whole of history, a single country in the world
where women have equality with men. Not one. 196 countries, it hasn’t happened
in the whole of evolution. So, here is a picture of evolution. (Laughter) We women are not even in it! (Laughter) It’s a wonder men have been able
to evolve quite so brilliantly. So — (Laughter) It bugs me, and I know
I should do something about it. But I’m busy, OK? I have a full-on career, I’ve got three kids,
I’ve got an elderly mom. In fact, if I’m honest with you, one of the reasons I came out here is because TED Talks said
I could have 15 minutes to myself, and I never have that much time — (Laughter) (Applause) So I’m busy. And anyway, I already had a go
at changing the world. Here’s the thing, OK? Everybody has inside themselves
what I call an “activation button.” It’s the button that gets
pressed when you think, “I must do something about this.” It gets pressed for all sorts of reasons. Maybe you face some kind of inequality, or you’ve come across
an injustice of some kind, sometimes an illness strikes, or you’re born in some way disadvantaged, or perhaps underprivileged. So I was born gay, OK? I’ve always known, I don’t think my family
were the least bit surprised. Here is a picture of me aged four. I look cute, but inside I genuinely believed
that I looked like Clint Eastwood. (Laughter) So my activation button
was pressed when I had my kids — three wonderful kids,
born to my then-partner. Now here’s the thing:
I work on television in Britain. By the time they were born,
I was already hosting my own shows and working in the public eye. I love what I do, but I love my kids more. And I didn’t want them
to grow up with a secret. 1994, when my son, my youngest was born, there was not, as far as I was aware, a single out, gay woman
in British public life. I don’t think secrets are a good thing. I think they are a cancer of the soul. So I decided to come out. Everybody warned me
that I would never work again, but I decided it was
absolutely worth the risk. Well, it was hell. In Britain, we have a particularly vicious
section of the right-wing press, and they went nuts. And their hatred stirred up
the less stable elements of society, and we got death threats — enough death threats
that I had to take the kids into hiding, and we had to have police protection. And I promise you there were
many moments in the still of the night when I was terrified by what I had done. Eventually the dust settled. Against all expectation
I carried on working, and my kids were and continue
to be absolutely fantastic. I remember when my son was six,
he had a friend over to play. They were in the next room;
I could hear them chatting. The friend said to my son,
“What’s it like having two mums?” I was a little anxious to hear,
so I leant in to hear and my son said, “It’s fantastic,
because if one of them’s sick, you’ve still got another one
to cook for you.” (Laughter) So my activation button
for gay equality was pressed, and along with many, many others, I campaigned for years for gay rights, and in particular, the right to marry
the person that I love. In the end, we succeeded. And in 2014, on the day
that the law was changed, I married my wife,
who I love very much, indeed. (Applause) We didn’t do it in a quiet way —
we did it on the stage at the Royal Festival Hall in London. It was a great event. The hall seats two-and-a-half
thousand people. We invited 150 family and friends,
then I let it be known to the public: anybody who wanted to come and celebrate,
please come and join us. It would be free to anybody
who wanted to come. Two-and-half thousand people turned up. (Applause) Every kind of person you can imagine: gays, straights, rabbis,
nuns, married people, black, white — the whole
of humanity was there. And I remember standing
on that stage thinking, “How fantastic. Job done. Love triumphs. Law changed.” And I — (Applause) And I genuinely thought
my activation days were over, OK? So every year in that same hall, I host a fantastic concert to celebrate
International Women’s Day. We gather the world’s only
all-female orchestra, we play fantastic music by forgotten
or overlooked women composers, we have amazing conductors — it’s Marin Alsop there
from Baltimore conducting, Petula Clark singing — and I give a lecture on women’s history. I love to gather inspirational stories
from the past and pass them on. Too often, I think history’s what I call
the Mount Rushmore model. It looks majestic, but the women
have been entirely left out of it. And I was giving a talk in 2015
about the suffragettes — I’m sure you know those magnificent
women who fought so hard for the right for women
in Britain to vote. And their slogan was: “Deeds, not words.” And boy, they succeeded, because women did indeed
get the vote in 1928. So I’m giving this talk about this, and as I’m talking, what I realized is: this was not a history
lecture I was giving; this was not something
where the job was done. This was something where
there was so much left to do. Nowhere in the world, for example, do women have equal representation
in positions of power. OK, let’s take a very quick look
at the top 100 companies in the London Stock Exchange in 2016. Top 100 companies:
How many women running them? Seven. OK. Seven.
That’s all right, I suppose. Until you realize that 17
are run by men called “John.” (Laughter) There are more men called John
running FTSE 100 companies — (Laughter) than there are women. There are 14 run by men called “Dave.” (Laughter) Now, I’m sure Dave and John
are doing a bang-up job. (Laughter) OK. Why does it matter? Well, it’s that pesky business
of the gender pay gap. Nowhere in the world
do women earn the same as men. And that is never going to change unless we have more women
at the top in the boardroom. We have plenty of laws; the Equal Pay Act in Britain
was passed in 1975. Nevertheless, there are still
many, many women who, from early November
until the end of the year, by comparison to their male colleagues, are effectively working for free. In fact, the World Economic
Forum estimates that women will finally
get equal pay in … 2133! Yay! (Laughter) That’s a terrible figure. And here’s the thing: the day before I came out to give my talk, the World Economic Forum revised it. So that’s good, because
that’s a terrible — 2133. Do you know what they revised it to? 2186. (Laughter) Yeah, another 53 years, OK? We are not going to get equal pay in my grandchildren’s
grandchildren’s lives under the current system. And I have waited long enough. I’ve waited long enough
in my own business. In 2016 I became the very
first woman on British television to host a prime-time panel show. Isn’t that great? Wonderful, I’m thrilled. But — (Applause) But 2016! The first! Television’s been around for 80 years! (Laughter) It may be television’s not so important, but it’s kind of symptomatic, isn’t it? 2016, the UN were looking
for a brand new ambassador to represent women’s empowerment
and gender equality, and who did they choose? Wonder Woman. Yes, they chose a cartoon, OK? (Laughter) Because no woman was up to the job. The representation of women
in positions of power is shockingly low. It’s true in Congress, and it’s certainly
true in the British Parliament. In 2015, the number of men
elected to the Parliament that year was greater than the total number of women who have ever been members of Parliament. And why does it matter? Here’s the thing:
if they’re not at the table — literally, in Britain, at that table
helping to make the laws — do not be surprised if the female
perspective is overlooked. It’s a great role model for young people
to see a woman in charge. In 2016, Britain got its second
female Prime Minister; Theresa May came to power. The day she came to power
she was challenged: just do one thing. Do one thing in the first
100 days that you’re in office to try and improve
lives for women in Britain. And what did she do? Nothing. Nothing. Because she’s much too busy
cleaning up the mess the boys made. Even having a female leader, they always find something better to do than to sort out the pesky
issue of inequality. So I keep talking about equality
like it matters. Does it? Well, let’s take a very quick look
at the STEM industries, OK? So science, technology,
engineering and mathematics. Pretty much important in every
single aspect of our daily lives. There is the thickest and most incredibly
well-documented glass ceiling in the STEM industries. What if the cure for cancer or the answer the global warming lies in the head of a young female
scientist who fails to progress? So I thought all these things, and I knew I had to do “Deeds, not words.” And I spoke to my wonderful friend, brilliant journalist
Catherine Mayer in Britain, and we rather foolishly — and I suspect there was wine involved — (Laughter) We decided to found
a brand new political party. Because here’s the critical thing: the one place women and men
are absolutely equal is at the ballot box. We had no idea what we were doing, we didn’t know how complicated
it was to start a political party. I thought, “It can’t be that difficult,
men have been doing it for years.” (Laughter) So we started by calling it
“The Women’s Equality Party.” And straightaway people said to me, “Why did you call it that?” I said, “I don’t know,
I just thought we’d be clear.” (Laughter) I didn’t want what we were doing
to be a secret, you know? I just — (Laughter) Some people said, “You can’t call it that!
It’s much too feminist!” Ooh! Scary word! Ahh! I can’t tell you how many times
I’ve heard somebody say, “I’m not a feminist, but …” And I always think
if there’s a “but” in the sentence, it can’t all be roses in the garden. And then I started getting asked
the hilarious question, “Are you all going to burn your bras?” Yes! Because bras are famously
made of flammable material. (Laughter) That’s why all women spark when they walk. (Laughter) Here’s quick history sidebar for you: no woman ever burnt her bra in the ’60s. It’s a story made up by a journalist. Thank goodness journalism
has improved since then. So — (Laughter) I announced what we were going
to do in a broadcast interview, and straightaway,
the emails started coming. First hundreds,
then thousands and thousands, from every age group: from the very young
to women in their ’90s, to hundreds of wonderful men. People wrote and said,
“Please, can I help? Please, can I visit you
at party headquarters?” We didn’t have a headquarters —
we didn’t have a party! We didn’t have anything. All we had was a wonderful,
tight group of fabulous friends trying to answer emails
pretty much 24-7 in our pajamas. We were all busy. Many of us had careers,
many of us had children, but we did what women do,
and we shared the work. And almost instantly, we agreed
on certain fundamental things. First thing: we want to be
the only political party in the world whose main aim was
to no longer need to exist. That’s a fantastic idea. We wanted to be the only political party
with no particular political leaning. We wanted people from the left,
from the right, from the middle, every age group. Because the whole point
was to work with a simple agenda: let’s get equality
in every aspect of our lives, and when we’re finished, let’s go home and get
the other chores done. (Laughter) And we wanted to change
how politics is conducted. I don’t know if you have this, but in Britain we have
two major political parties. They’re the dinosaurs of politics. And how they speak to each other
is shameful and poisonous. I’m sure you’ve never had
that kind of name-calling — (Laughter) And lying here. Wouldn’t it be great
if just one politician said, “Do you know, my opponent has a point. Let’s see if we can’t work together
and get the job done.” (Applause) And let’s get more women
into politics, OK? Let’s immediately get
more women into politics by being the only political party
to offer free childcare to our candidates, so they can get out of the house
and start campaigning. (Applause) Within 10 months, we had more than 70 branches
of our party across the UK. We stood candidates for election
in London, Scotland and Wales in May 2016. One in 20 people voted
for our candidate for London Mayor. And when the men in the race
saw how many votes we were attracting, wonder of wonders, they began to talk about the need
to tackle gender equality. (Applause) You know, I’ve been promised
change since I was a child. It was always coming: women were going to stand
shoulder to shoulder with men. All I got were empty promises
and disappointment — enough disappointment
to found a political party. But here is my new idea for today —
this is my five percent, OK? And this one is really good. The fact is, this is not enough. It is not enough to found one political
party for equality in a single country. What we need is a seismic change
in the global political landscape. And the wonderful thing
about the model we have created is that it would work anywhere. It would work in America, it would work in Australia,
it would work in India. It’s like we’ve made the perfect recipe:
anybody can cook it, and it’s good for everybody. And we want to give it away. If you want to know what we did,
we’re giving it away. Can you imagine if we could mobilize
millions of women across the world to say, “That’s enough!”
to the traditional battles of politics? To say, “Stop the bickering,
let’s get the work done.” We could literally change the world. And I want that. (Applause) I want … (Applause) I want that for our daughters, and I want it for our sons. Because the fact is:
equality is better for everyone. Come on people, let’s activate!
Let’s change the world! I know we can do it, and it wants doing! (Applause)

Politicians React to Shootings in El Paso and Dayton: A Closer Look


-We’d like to begin tonight by saying a few words about the horrific mass
shootings in Dayton and El Paso. This was a heartbreaking weekend
of unspeakable tragedy and, yet, one that disturbingly
feels all too familiar. Of course, as we all know
by now, there’s an epidemic of gun violence and mass
shootings in this country and, no matter how difficult,
we cannot become numb to it, but it’s also not just
about guns. The shooting in El Paso was an act of white supremacist
domestic terrorism specifically targeting
Hispanics. It’s a threat that is
growing and real. These are facts we must look
squarely in the eye, no matter how monstrous. The spread of violent white
supremacy has been fueled by racist vitriol; warning of invasions
by immigrants, language that is
frequently echoed by right-wing media outlets
and, of course, the president; and, on top of that,
there is, of course, too much easy access to weapons
of war that should be outlawed. This is a moment that demands
moral clarity and urgency from our
political leaders and so, now that we’re seeing
the political world react, we thought we might
at least try to offer a few thoughts
on what’s happening. For more on this, it’s time for
“A Closer Look.” [ Suspenseful theme plays ]
[ Cheer and applause ] [ Applause continues ] As of Sunday, we’ve had 251
mass shootings in this country, in just 216 days. And, first, let’s just make
clear, right off the bat, that we know there is
a clear correlation between the number of guns
we have in this country and the number of gun-related
deaths we have in this country. For one thing, America has 4.4%
of the world’s population, but almost half
of its civilian-owned guns. I mean, just look at this chart
from the website Vox, comparing gun ownership
to gun-related deaths. Here are a bunch of other
developed countries and here’s where we are. We’re farther away
from the UK on this chart than we are in real life. [ Laughter ]
There are proven, straightforward,
widely popular ways that we can at least begin
to address this epidemic of gun violence
and then, of course, there’s the issue
of the president’s racist, anti-immigrant rhetoric and the growing threat
of white supremacy. Our political leaders
should have to answer for where they stand on these
issues, and, yet, at first, some senior Republicans
refused to even go on TV and answer questions about it, as CNN’s Jake Tapper noted on his show on Sunday morning. -We’re gonna talk
with at least four presidential candidates today
about what they would do to stop this epidemic
of mass shootings and shootings. We should note that we invited
the Republican governor, lieutenant governor, and both
Republican U.S. senators representing Texas
to join us this morning. They all declined. The Republican governor
of Ohio also declined. We also asked the White House
to provide someone to discuss these shootings. That request, too, was declined. -So, basically, we tried to get
the Republican governor and lieutenant governor,
senior senator, junior senator, the Republican dogcatcher,
the Republican [ Laughter ]
sanitation commissioner. We even tried to get
the Republican elephant, but it literally ran away. [ Laughter fading ]
[ Zap! ] Let me just say,
as a general rule, when you’re spending all
of your time dodging questions from journalists and reporters, that usually means you’re
on the wrong side of history. It’s like when the president
tweeted his racist attacks on four Democratic
congresswomen of color, Republicans literally ran into
elevators to avoid reporters. -He said that these
progressive congresswomen should go back
to their countries. I’m wondering what your
reaction is to that. -I’m working hard as I can
on reducing healthcare costs.
[ Elevator chimes ] I’m not giving
a daily commentary on the president’s tweets.
-But these are, you know, racist tweets. Do you have any concerns
about it? -The president said that
these minority congresswomen should go back
to their countries. Do you have a response? -I hadn’t read that,
but I’ll go check it out. [ Laughter ]
Man, at this point, if reporters want an answer,
they’re going to have to start dressing up
as elevator operators. [ Laughter ] And then, when Republicans
finally did speak up, they acted as if the reasons
for these attacks were somehow mysterious,
even though we know the facts about the epidemic of gun deaths and mass shootings
in this country and we know that the threat of white supremacist terrorism
is growing and real. For example, Texas senator
John Cornyn tweeted: “For every complex problem, there’s an answer that is
clear, simple and wrong. Sadly, there are some issues, like homelessness
and these shootings, where we simply don’t have
all the answers.” Hey, man, don’t throw in
a second problem, like homelessness, you’re also
not doing anything about, [ Laughter ]
as a smokescreen for the first problem. That’s like telling your wife, “There are a lot of reasons our marriage is failing,
like my multiple affairs or the fact that you’re always
mad about my multiple affairs.” [ Laughter and applause ] You’re not gonna get
all the answers if you refuse to ask any
of the questions, but these guys have to pretend
this is some sort of unsolvable problem
because they’re beholden to powerful lobbies, like
gun manufacturers and the NRA. It’s the same reason why,
once Republicans did start going on TV to talk
about the shootings, they didn’t blame
virulent white supremacy or wide availability of
military-style assault weapons. Instead, they,
once again, focused on a favorite scapegoat
of theirs: video games. -How long are we gonna let,
for example, and ignore, at the federal
level, particularly, where they can do something
about the video game industry? I see a video game industry that
teaches young people to kill. -The idea of these video games,
to dehumanize individuals, to have a game of shooting
individuals and others, I’ve always felt that is
a problem for, um, future generations and others. -You’re blamin’ video games? You do know that other countries
have video games, too, right? Japan has a huge gaming culture
and very few gun deaths. If video games
were so influential, they should make one
about Congress called [Bleep] Do Something. [ Laughter and applause ] [ Whistling ] And, as we all know, [ Whistling and applause ]
as we all know, there are commonsense gun safety
measures that are supported by a vast majority of Americans, that we could easily pass
right now, that would at least begin
to help in reducing the frequency and intensity
of these horrific attacks. In fact, the House just passed
gun safety legislation a few months ago,
but it’s been blocked in the Senate by Mitch McConnell
and, on Sunday, Ohio congressman Tim Ryan
called McConnell out on MSNBC. -There is a bottleneck
in the United States Senate with Mitch McConnell. We passed, in the
House of Representatives, a few weeks back,
background checks, a basic step that 90% of the
American people support, and the Republicans need to,
quite frankly, get their [bleep] together
and stop pandering to the NRA. -Damn, members of Congress
are cursing on cable now! [ Laughter ]
Good! If there were ever a time for cursing, this is it. This is an emergency! Next time Tim Ryan gives
a speech on the House floor, C-SPAN’s gonna have
to bleep most of it. -President Trump, [bleep] my [prolonged bleep]
[ Laughter and applause ] And, of course,
it’s not just McConnell blocking gun safety measures. It’s also the gun lobby and,
particularly, the NRA. Even Trump,
at a meeting with lawmakers after the Parkland shooting, blurted out
that they were afraid of tightening gun restrictions
because of the power of the NRA. -It doesn’t make sense
that I have to wait ’til I’m 21 to get a handgun, but I can
get this weapon at 18. I don’t know.
So I was just curious as to what you did in your bill. -We did not address it. -We didn’t address it,
Mr. President. -You know why? ‘Cause you’re
afraid of the NRA, right? -I think you underestimate
the power of the gun lobby. -No, no. I tell you what. They do have great power.
I agree with it. They have great power
over you people. -There are a few times
I’m glad he’s a moron [ Laughter and applause ]
because he just accidentally tells the truth.
He’s like the racist uncle at the family gathering
who’s constantly saying offensive stuff,
but, once in a while, because he has no filter,
he’ll just blurt out something everyone’s thinkin’,
like, “That Susan really likes
her wine, doesn’t she?” [ Laughter ] “What is that, like,
her fifth glass?” [ Laughter ] Moments like this, you, at least theoretically, want a political leader to console and provide
moral leadership, but we know Trump’s
incapable of that because of the racist
vitriol he’s spewed since the day
he launched his campaign. He’s demonized
undocumented immigrants as rapists and criminals, called migrants seeking asylum
an invasion, and so, it wasn’t
very believable when he offered
this brief statement after leaving his New Jersey
golf resort on Sunday. -Hate has no place
in our country and we’re gonna take care of it. We have to get it stopped. This has been going on
for years. For years and years
in our country and we have to get it stopped. And a lotta things are in the
works and a lot of good things and we have done much more
than most administrations and it’s really not talked
about very much, but we’ve done, actually, a lot so, a lot of things
are happening. A lot of things are
happening right now. -Oh, my God,
our president sounds like a guy who took
too many mushrooms [ Laughter ]
at a carnival. [as Trump] A lotta things
are happening right now. [ Smattering of applause ]
A lotta. [ Laughter, clapping ] This morning, Trump spoke
from the White House and condemned
hatred and violence and white supremacy,
specifically, but, of course,
it’s hard to take anything he reads
off a teleprompter seriously after all his previous comments. Beto O’Rourke summed it up
when he offered this response to a question from a reporter
about whether Trump could do anything
to make things better. Is there anything in your mind
that the president can do now to make this any better? -What do you think? You know the [bleep]
he’s been saying. He’s been calling
Mexican immigrants rapists and criminals. I don’t know.
Like, members of the press, what the [bleep]? [ Laughter and applause ]
Hold on a second. You know, I-I–
It’s these questions that you know the answers to. I mean, connect the dots about what he’s been doing
in this country. He’s not tolerating racism. He’s promoting racism. He’s not tolerating violence. He’s inciting racism
and violence in this country. So, you know, I just — I don’t know what kinda
question that is. -Yeah, he’s right, and, again, if there was a time
for swearing, this is it. In fact, with all the swearing,
at the next debate, they’re gonna have to put Beto
and Tim Ryan on a new program called “C-SPAN after Dark.” [ Laughter and applause ]
And, sure enough, when Trump did read
off the teleprompter today, he ticked through the usual
scapegoats he has in the past, mental illness, video games,
and did it flatly. -We must reform our
mental health laws to better identify
mentally disturbed individuals who may commit act of violence and make sure those people
not only get treatment, but, when necessary,
involuntary confinement. Mental illness and hatred
pulls the trigger, not the gun. -First of all, he’s wrong. Second, he sounds
like a fourth grader auditioning for the role of the
scarecrow in “Wizard of Oz.” [ Laughter ]
[as Trump] I would like, uh — Line. [ Laughter ] Brian. [ Laughter ]
This was a horrific weekend of tragedy and heartbreak that no one should ever
have to bear. All decent people, everywhere, should set themselves
to the task of stopping this and expressing solidarity with
and support for the oppressed,
marginalized communities targeted by this hatred
and violence. And, as for our
political leaders, the ones who are supposed
to be protecting us, all we say is they need to — -Get their [bleep] together. [ Laughter ]
This has been “A Closer Look.” [ Cheering and applause ]
♪♪

Justin Bieber – What Do You Mean? PARODY! Key of Awesome #101


[thunder noise] Whatever happens, don’t mess up my hair. And don’t hurt the girl. What’s the girls name again? I don’t know, I just call her “girl”, Hey you, hey, what’s up? Got me some money? Woah, did I get a raise? It’s all Alright. Here. [knock] [Justin Bieber – What Do You Mean starts playing] Oh my god, are you guys Game of Thrones fans? Oh shit, yeah, I’ve read the books and everything. Love it. What do you think’s gonna happen to Jon Snow? I dont know ya’ll, I’ve heard some things, but I can’t say. Okay, okay, here’s a good one, [singing] [murmuring with excitement] That was a good one. We should do that parody. Hey, you wanna go to a skateboard party with us? Totally. Oh shit, he’s still choking. Thanks for the Heimlich maneuver, though. Ooh, chicken. [all] Hey! Thanks for watching The Key Of Awesome #101. Click on the link in the description to watch a bunch of other Key of Awesome videos. And if you liked it enough, leave a nice comment in the comment section. And please, if you get a chance, I did a video called “Cat Hospital.” Over on a channel called “Field Day.” It’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever done. It’s a soap opera with humans and cats. Please check it out, if you like the content on this channel, I think you’re gonna like “Cat Hospital.” Meow. Blackmail? Ha. Who’s gonna believe you over me? I’m a big deal here at Cat Hospital. You’re nothing but a pill popping cat. It’s my “meowster” piece. And, I love it. Who wants some KOA fried chicken? Me, only been choked on once.