Campaign Ad William Taylor for Congress “Demo Republican Party”


Hi, I’m Senator William Taylor. As Election Day nears I’d like to say thank y’all for your support in my bid for reelection. I know a lot of people are questioning if I’m right for this job. I know my opponent Bradley [?] Gortierez doesn’t seem to think so, but I crossed party lines. I’m a Demo Republic. You might ask, “How’s that possible?” And then I ask “Are you an American or an Al-Qaeda terrorist?” It’s not that neither party would accept me, it’s that I below both parties are right. I believe we should lower taxes. I believe we should have more government programs. How’s that possible? I have a comprehensive plan for that. I believe we should tax the rich more while making them pay less to stimulate the economy. I believe we should all be free to do as we please. Free, while adhering to the guidelines I set forth. I believe in America. I believe in the Demo Republican party. I believe in William Taylor and you should to. Speaker 2: Paid for by the committee to moronically support Senator William Taylor for Congress. Captions by
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Graham Norton Explains What The Hell Is Going On With Brexit


>>Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY! FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT —
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT DOES WHAT
I DO BUT WITH A CHARMING ACCENT. PLEASE WELCOME THE HOST OF “THE
GRAHAM NORTON SHOW,” GRAHAM NORTON! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )>>HI, EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOW! DID THEY ALL GOOGLE ME BEFORE I
CAME OUT? THEY SEEM TO KNOW WHO I AM!>>Stephen: WE HANDED OUT
PAMPHLETS.>>INFO SHEETS.>>Stephen: EVERYBODY KNOWS. THEY WATCH YOU ONLINE.>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU. LOVELY TO SEE YOU.>>Stephen: I ADMIRE YOUR
SHOW, YOUR SKILL, BUT I ADMIRE ON YOUR TELEVISION YOU CAN WEAR
COLORFUL THINGS. YOU LOOK LOVELY.>>THIS I BOUGHT MYSELF. THIS IS MODEL’S OWN.>>Stephen: I DON’T KNOW EVEN
KNOW WHERE I GOT MY GLASSES. ( LAUGHTER )
>>YOU LOOK SHARP, THOUGH.>>Stephen: SO DO YOU. THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, YOU
SAID ONE OF THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE SHOWS IN ENGLAND AND
OVER HERE, YOUR SHOW AND MY SHOW, YOU GET YOUR GUESTS BOOZED
UP.>>NOT BOOZED UP. WE OFFER THEM. IS THIS STILL WATER?>>Stephen: IT IS. BUT WE HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>THAT’S A WELCOME! I’D LOVE SOME!>>Stephen: THIS IS SOME OF
THAT –>>HAVE YOU GOT ICE OR ARE YOU
LIKE ANIMALS?>>Stephen: ONE CUBE OF ICE
WILL BE VERY EUROPEAN.>>NICE. ARE YOU RATIONING ICE NOW?>>Stephen: NO, I DON’T WANT
TO FREAK YOU OUT BY HAVING MORE THAN ONE ICE CUBE. THERE YOU GO.>>WHAT IS THIS?>>Stephen: ICE. IT’S WHAT SANK THE TITANIC. ( LAUGHTER )
>>WE SHOULD STEER CLEAR. OOOH!>>Stephen: HERE WE GO. TO TALKING FOR A LIVING.>>YES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.>>Stephen: THAT IS TASTY. IT IS WEIRD THAT TWO TALK
SHOW HOSTS SHOULDN’T MEET. THIS IS LIKE DOGS SNIFFING
AROUND EACH OTHER. IT’S KIND OF WRONG.>>Stephen: YOU SMELL
DELIGHTFUL, I MUST SAY. I PROMISE NOT TO HUMP YOUR LEG. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU LIVE IN THE U.K.>>I DO.>>Stephen: CAN YOU EXPLAIN
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER THERE? BECAUSE WE’VE ALL BEEN WATCHING,
LIKE, QUESTIONS OF THE PRIME MINISTER, WE’VE ALL BEEN
WATCHING PARLIAMENT FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS, IT’S ABSOLUTE CHAOS.>>IT’S NUTS. YOU DON’T NORMALLY SEE THAT. YOU DON’T NORMALLY SEE THE
INSIDE OF PARLIAMENT WHERE IT IS ABSOLUTE BEDLAM. BUT I THINK THE UNITED KINGDOM
WAS EMBARRASSED FOR AMERICA, FELT LIKE YOU’RE ALL ALONE OUT
ON THE WORLD STAGE, SO WE FOUND OUR OWN ANGRY CABBAGE PATCH KID,
AND — ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
— AND MADE HIM THE LEADER. IT’S INCREDIBLE! IT’S, LIKE, YOU KNOW THE G7,
SUDDENLY YOU FELT LIKE DON HAS A FRIEND. THEY CAN HANG OUT TOGETHER. IT’S, LIKE, A PLAY DATE.>>Stephen: BORIS JOHNSON
LOOKS LIKE SUCH A CHEAP KNOCK OFF OF DONALD TRUMP THAT HE
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE IN TIMES SQUARE PRETENDING TO BE DONALD
TRUMP TO GET YOUR PHOTO WITH OUT THERE. ( APPLAUSE )
>>I WOULDN’T TRUST HIM TO WATER MY PLANTS WHILE AWAY BUT HE’S
THE PRIME MINISTER.>>Stephen: EXPLAIN THIS —
I SO CAN’T EXPLAIN THIS ANYTHIN>>Stephen: THE PRIME MINISTER
IS THE LEADER OF MAJORITY IN PARLIAMENT BUT HE LOST HIS
MAJORITY TWO DAYS AGO. WH STILL THE PRIME
MINISTER? WHAT HE CLEVERLY DID IS SAID IF
ANYONE VOTES AGAINST ME IN MY PARTY, I WILL FIRE YOU.>>Stephen: KICK YOU OUT OF
THE PARTY.>>YES. THEY DID VOTE AGAINST HIM AND HE
FIRED THEM. SO HIS MAJORITY GETS LESS AND
LESS. IT’S LIKE HE’S DRILLING HOLES IN
HIS OWN SHIP OUT OF SPITE. I’LL SHOW YOU, AND, LOOK,
THERE’S A WORD CALLED PAROGUE, WHICH IS LIKE SHUTTING DOWN THE
PARLIAMENT.>>Stephen: NO ONE’S HEARD
THIS WORD BEFORE.>>YOU FEEL LIKE THE QUEEN
DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE WORD. ONE SHOULD PAROGUE? IS THAT THE ONE WITH THE FINGER? ( LAUGHTER )
I.>>Stephen: I DIDN’T KNOW IT
WAS ANYTHING SHE COULD DO LEGALLY. I THOUGHT SHE WAS A NICE TOURIST
TRAP.>>SHE IS. SHE HAS TO SAY YES. SHE CAN’T SAY NO. SHE’S THE QUEEN.>>Stephen: NOW YOU HAVE YOUR
SECOND NOVEL TH “THE KEEPER.” WHERE DO YOU FIND THE TIME TO
WRITE A NOVEL?>>THIS IS MY HOBBY. THIS ISN’T MY JOB, I’M NOT A
NOVELIST.>>Stephen: ARE THERE THINGS
YOU LIKE MORE ABOUT THIS THAN ACTUALLY DOING A TALK SHOW?>>WELL, THERE’S THE THING —
YOU KNOW THIS — THAT IN ANYTHING WE DO, THERE HAS TO BE
A MEETING.>>Stephen: SURE. YOU AT THE SIDE VERY LITTLE.>>Stephen: EXACTLY. UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE.>>YES, UNTIL NOW. SO IT’S JUST THAT THIS IS A
SOLITAIRE OCCUPATION, AND I LOVE THAT. I LOVE BEING IN A ROOM BY MYSELF
IN THE WORLD WITH THESE CHARACTERS, THE BOOKS ARE SET IN
IRELAND, AND, YOU KNOW, I SPEND MY SUMMERS THERE, SO IT’S QUITE
NICE TO BE IN LONDON, IN MY OFFICE, AND GOING BACK TO
IRELAND IN MY HEAD.>>Stephen: PRETENDING IT’S
LOVELY.>>THIS HELPS, TOO.>>Stephen: DOESN’T IT THOUGH? CHEERS
>>STEPHEN: “A KEEPER” IS AVAILABLE NOW. GRAHAM NORTON, EVERYBODY! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

The Third Democratic Debate


-Let’s get to the news. The third Democratic debate
was held in Houston tonight and featured
10 Democratic candidates and, thanks to gerrymandering,
four Republicans. President Trump’s
re-election campaign displayed an aerial banner
in Houston today ahead of tonight’s third
Democratic debate. And, honestly, Trump has
got to give it a rest. [ Cheers and applause ] The U.S. Patent Office
has announced that it denied a request from
the Ohio State University to trademark the word “the”
for use by the school’s athletic
department. And to really rub it in, they
signed it off from “The U.S. Patent Office.” According to reports, members of
the House Judiciary Committee have begun privately mapping out
a possible list of charges against President Trump
that could serve as a basis for impeachment,
though it might be easier to make a list of why
he shouldn’t be. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said
today that Democrats are still following
a strategy of, “legislate, investigate,
litigate.” Well, I hope
they don’t hesitate, ’cause it’s getting late,
and at this rate, we’re going to have
a police state. Major League Baseball has set
a new record for most home runs in a season after players hit
over 6,106 home runs, with several weeks remaining. So it turns out,
Mr. President, walls don’t work. [ Cheers and applause ] According to a new report, Triple Crown-winning
horse Justify failed a drug test last year and
should not have been allowed to run in the Kentucky Derby. Not only that,
he had two D.U.I.s. And, finally, after selling out
of their new chicken sandwich, fast-food chain Popeyes
has launched a new campaign that encourages customers
to order a three-piece
chicken-tender meal and then place them in a
bun that was brought from home. Though I got to say, their
campaign is a little aggressive.

Defender of the Basic | Hardly Working


(Upbeat music) – Now, see, Beethoven actually refers to the Charles Grodin character. The dog is Beethoven’s monster. – Oh fuck, now I have to
rewrite this entire think piece. – Sorry. – Screw it. Hey Jess! What’re you up to? – Scented candles! I’m decorating my room this weekend. – Cool, you gonna hang up
some little fairy lights too? – Do you have gauzy curtains and a sign that says “dream”? – Yeah, how did you guys know that? – I’m sorry Jess, it’s just sometimes you
can be a little basic. It’s whatever. – I’m sorry. – Oh! – What oh you know-it-alls and killjoys? Your days of terror are at an end! – Who are you? – It is I, Sir John Doe! The normal knight, defender of the basic and champion of the plain! My lady, these brigins
have not sorcered you with their preteniory, or made fun of you for caring too much about
your own birthday, have they? – No. – Very well. Serpents of the ivory tower- – Is there not security? – Why have you cheeped and tittered at this fair maiden’s scented candles? – It’s just- – She’s- – She just has tastes that are basic. – Basic? – Yeah. – Haha, I laugh. Would you object to the sweet
smell of vanilla and bean, for the sake of its commonness alone? – No. – Yes. – Well, yes, but, I don’t know, okay. It’s the pumpkin spice
latte of home decoration. – The most noble symbol of my house. Drink. – I’m cool. – Drink or perish, coward. – Okay. Man, that’s good. – Course it’s good, it’s a
hot pumpkin flavored milkshake you can drink in the middle
of the day. It’s incredible. – My red eye! – Hipster swill. – A frappuccino, really? Fuck, that’s good. It’s really good. – It’s good. – It’s really good. – Basic things always are. – That’s not true, what
about being a sexy cat every year for Halloween? – A cheap, easy costume that honors the spirit of the holidays and let’s you flirt with cute boys. – But, she’s always telling stories about her semester abroad. – A college story and a travel
story for the price of one, count me in! – Her favorite artist is Taylor Swift. – Red bangs from beginning to end and only a fool would claim otherwise. – She said that she’d rather
own every Marvel movie than the Criterion collection. – 18 beautiful movies,
interconnected into a single tapestry a surging saga exploring
the nature of power and responsibility. – They’re all the same though. – As are sunsets and rainbows, you viper! So what if this young woman
has a poster of Audrey Hepburn across from a poster of the Eiffel Tower caddycorner to a mural that
says “live, laugh, love” framed in Christmas lights? – What? How did you know that? – Cause of course you do. Because those things are wonderful. Audrey Hepburn is an
icon, Paris is romantic. Christmas lights make small,
depressing rooms feel warm and welcoming, and live,
laugh, love is great advice for anybody! – But we don’t hate basic people, it’s just that their taste is defined by what everyone else is in to. – So, you would never do
what a basic person does? – No! – So you’re taste is also defined by what everybody else does? – We’re frauds. – Pizza is my favorite food. – Yes, and? – I prefer milk chocolate
to dark chocolate. – Of course you do, it
has more sugar in it. – I fantasize about singing
Disney songs at karaoke. – That would be fun, everyone
would know all the words and sing along! – My favorite position is missionary. – Mine’s cowgirl! – Of course they are, who’s trying to do a bunch
of work in the bedroom? Not me! – Not me! – No! – Oh, wow! – Live your lives, scoop your bagels, find your favorite quote in
the loopiest font you can and make that your cover photo. Should you ever need me,
you need but message me, at my dog’s Instagram account. – That is fun! – That is fun!
– What is it, I’ll follow it. – At Sirbarksalot.
– Oh my God is that his name? – Well, we call him
Barksy around the house. – He’s verified! – I love that! – That’s crazy, Katie’s not even verified. – Hey guys, it’s Brennan
from College Humor. Click here to subscribe. Click here for more fun stuff. Please keep watching because if you stop
watching I start to vanish. You get it, I’m not really real. I’m just a thing on your screen. Don’t forget me!

CNN’s Democratic Debate, Night One: A Closer Look


-Tonight was the first round
of the second series of Democratic
presidential debates. For more on this,
it’s time for “A Closer Look.” [ Cheers and applause ] Of course, just because
it was the Democrats’ big night doesn’t mean Donald Trump
could stay out of the news. In fact, he’s physically
incapable of it. I’m shocked he didn’t
crash through the wall of the debate stage
in his golf cart. Trump, as usual, spent the
morning screaming at the TV all day on Twitter,
ranting about everything from his racist attacks
on Baltimore to trade to morning talk shows, to a possible
infrastructure bill, tweeting, “Do I hear the
beautiful word ‘bipartisan’?” I don’t know. Do you?
Let’s listen. -In a few moments, I will sign
a bar– bipartisan bill. -Of course, a bar partisan is someone who only votes
while drunk. [Slurring] “Okay, now, how
do I get out of this booth?” [ Laughter ] [Normal voice] Also, how do you
mess up the word “bipartisan”? It’s, like, the most
popular word in politics. That’s like messing up the word
“Congress” or “lawmakers.” -Lawmarkers.
-Alright. [ Laughter ] Trump was also asked today
if his racist attacks on Congressman Elijah Cummings
in Baltimore were part of some sort of
calculated political strategy, which is both clearly not true
and also doesn’t matter. It’s just who Trump is. He’s a racist.
It’s how he sees the world. And when he was asked today
if it was some sort of grand strategy,
he said this. -There’s no strategy. I have no
strategy. There’s zero strategy. -That would be an accurate
Trump response to literally any question. [ Cheers and applause ] “Mr. Trump…” [ Cheers and applause continue ] “Mr. Trump,
when you stand up straight, are you intentionally
puffing your chest out like an angry kangaroo?” “I have no —
I stand like this — I stand like this because
my bones are hollowed out from the Diet Coke.”
[ Laughter ] In fact, today was a day of
seemingly accidental confessions from Trump, because
he was also asked by reporters about a bipartisan
election security bill that Senator Majority Leader
Mitch McConnell is blocking. Trump tried to defend McConnell from accusations that
he’s essentially aiding Russia, but I don’t think
Trump’s comment was helpful. -Mitch McConnell is a man
that knows less about Russia and Russian influence
than even Donald Trump, and I know nothing. -I agree!
I mean, this is a crazy day. And, again… an answer that could work
for literally any question. After his presidency is over and they haul him in on
obstruction-of-justice charges, he’s going to be sitting
in an interrogation room telling the cops,
“It was all Mike Pence’s idea.” -I know nothing. [ Laughter ] -All of this is why whatever
you think of the Democrats, it was a relief
and a change of pace to at least
hear a bunch of people who can speak in coherent
sentences about actual policies. The only time Elizabeth Warren’s
ever been a bar partisan is when she drank a beer
that one time on Instagram Live. Now, Warren was one of
the leading contenders coming into tonight’s debate, along with her
close ideological ally and longtime friend
Bernie Sanders. And coming
into the debate tonight, there were a lot of questions about how they’d handle
their friendship. The media couldn’t help
but speculate. Would they go after each other,
or would they team up to go after the moderates
onstage? -Tonight, the front-runners
in the center of the stage are going to be Bernie Sanders
and Elizabeth Warren. And one of the big questions
is, they’re political allies. Will they go after each other?
-They kind of seem to have a pact that they
won’t go after each other. Does that pact
live through the evening? -They are seen as competing
for some of the same voters, so does she try to create
some differentiation with Senator Sanders,
or does she focus on Joe Biden or do a different thing? -I think Sanders and Warren
are more likely to team up against some of the more
moderate candidates onstage. -That’s right. They should team
up. Like a wrestling duo. Warren could start by giving
a lengthy explanation for her plans for a wealth tax
on assets over $50 million, and then Bernie could tag in
and hit a billionaire over the head with a chair! And then there was
the rest of the field. Everyone was looking
for their moment to stand out. And there were big questions
for each of them, questions like —
who the hell are these guys?” Would Beto bust out
his Spanish again? And since Cory Booker
wasn’t onstage, would he make this face at home? Would Tim Ryan get caught
touring the debate stage again looking like a pledge
from Sigma Kai? And would Marianne Williamson
explode into a thousand butterflies
that spell out the word “love”? And then once the debate got
started, CNN chose to have the candidates come onstage
individually for intros like they were the original
“Star Trek” cast at Comic-Con. And while some candidates
obviously had big fan bases, others got more muted reactions. -Senator Bernie Sanders. [ Loud cheers and applause ] Senator Elizabeth Warren. [ Loud cheers and applause ] Mayor Pete Buttigieg. [ Loud cheers and applause ] Former Congressman John Delaney. -Hi.
[ Subdued cheers and applause ] -Oh, man, what a bummer
for that guy to have to follow Warren,
Buttigieg, and Bernie. It’s like if Springsteen, Bono,
and the Rolling Stones all opened a concert, and then they were followed
by a Weezer cover band. “Hey,
how you guys doin’ tonight? Hey, one more time
for Mick Jagger.” CNN spent
what seemed like an eternity going through the rigmarole
of all the intros, the color guard,
the national anthem. And then after all that,
Elizabeth Warren returned the opening kickoff
for a 99-yard touchdown. And then there was still more, because they also
had opening statements. We didn’t even
get to our first question until about 25 minutes in. You could’ve just watched
an entire episode of “Veep.” In fact, I’m pretty sure
anyone on “Veep” would’ve had a better chance of getting
elected than this guy. I mean, what —
what is this guy doing here? And where’s Gromit? [ Laughter ] Of course… [ Cheers and applause ] We did get the benefit
of an opening statement from Marianne Williamson,
who, right off the bat, made it weird
with her word choice. -In 1776, our founders
brought forth on this planet an extraordinary
new possibility. -On THIS planet? “To be clear,
on the planet I’m from, you can only vote if you’ve
gathered enough moon crystals to please the ancient oracle.” [ Laughter ] And then the Democrats
immediately got into it, with the moderators
asking Bernie to respond to former Congressman
John Delaney’s criticisms of his Medicare for All plan. -You support Medicare for All,
which would eventually take private
health insurance away from more than 150 million
Americans in exchange for
government-sponsored healthcare for everyone. Congressman Delaney just
referred to it as bad policy, and, previously,
he has called the idea political suicide that will just
get President Trump re-elected. What do you say
to Congressman Delaney? -You’re wrong. [ Laughter ] -Such a quick answer.
Bernie said that like he’s definitely
used those words before. “Sir, you ordered
the lobster bisque.” “You’re wrong!
I ordered the chicken soup! And I want those crackers!
Crackers for all!” And then,
after Delaney and others accused Bernie and Warren of trying to make private
health insurance illegal, Warren stepped in
to stop the bickering. -Let’s be clear about this.
We are the Democrats. We are not about trying to take
away healthcare from anyone. That’s what the Republicans
are trying to do. And we should stop using
Republican talking points in order to talk with each other about how to best provide
that healthcare. -Elizabeth Warren will
turn this car around right now, and nobody’s going
to Disneyland! [ Cheers and applause ] Bernie and Warren
had standout moments, and Bernie seemed
especially feisty early on. He was shouting over
the moderators when they interrupted him, taking on the moderates
like Delaney, and landing a big blow
against Congressman Tim Ryan. -Senator Warren, it’s your turn. -Oh, can I complete that,
please? -Your time is up. -They will be advertising
tonight with that talking point. Under Medicare for All, the hospitals will save
substantial sums of money because they’re not going to be
spending a fortune doing billing and the other bureaucratic
things they have to do today. -I’ve done the math.
It doesn’t add up. -Maybe you did that and
made money off of healthcare, but our job is to run
a nonprofit healthcare system. Medicare for All
is comprehensive. It covers all healthcare needs
for senior citizens. It will finally include dental care, hearing aids,
and eyeglasses. -But you don’t know that.
-Second of all — -You don’t know that, Bernie.
-Second of all — -We’ll come to you
in a second, Congressman. -I do know it.
I wrote the damn bill. [ Cheers and applause ] -Damn. Tim Ryan better hope
Medicare for All passes ’cause he’s going to need
some healthcare for that burn. [ Laughter and applause ] Bernie scared him so bad,
Ryan turned white as a sheet 40 years ago.
[ Laughter ] Tim Ryan got owned so hard,
his hat flew back onto his head. [ Laughter ] You know Bernie was waiting
for that moment. To be challenged on a bill you
wrote is a politician’s dream. It’s like if J.K. Rowling
was on “Jeopardy!” and one of the categories
was Boy Wizards. [ Laughter ] But it seemed like
all the moderates wanted a shot
at Warren or Bernie tonight. At one point, they debated
the question of whether a self-described democratic
socialist like Bernie could take on Trump, and former Colorado Governor
John Hickenlooper even tried to mock
Bernie’s mannerisms, which only encouraged Bernie. -So, again, I think,
if we’re gonna force Americans to make these radical changes, they’re not gonna go along. You —
Throw your hands up, but you — -Alright.
-You haven’t — [ Cheers and applause ]
Oho! I can do it! -I feel like that’s
the first and only time John Hickenlooper has said,
“Throw your hands up!” [ Laughter and applause ] And don’t challenge Bernie
to pull a Bernie. “Oh, and let me guess — you’re gonna do that thing
with your finger.” “Okay, I will do it, and I’m gonna point it
right at you!” [ Laughter ] And then, when the moderates kept challenging Warren
on her plans, claiming her ideas
were either impossible or politically impractical, she delivered what seemed
like a thesis statement for her candidacy
and for the night. -You know, I don’t understand why anybody goes
to all the trouble of running for President
of the United States just to talk about
what we really can’t do and shouldn’t fight for.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah, I mean, what’s the point
of running for president if all your positions
are about stuff you can’t do? It’s like
if Ronald Reagan had said, “Mr. Gorbachev, make this wall
a little shorter.” [ Light laughter ] Yeah. [ Laughter ] [ Chuckles ]
[ Applause ] One of the —
One of the flash points — One of the flash points
in this divide between the progressives
and the moderates was the climate crisis — the candidates disagreed over ambitious proposals
like the Green New Deal, and, again,
Ryan tried to take on Bernie. -What do you do with an industry
that knowingly, for billions of dollars
in short-term profits, is destroying this planet? I say that is criminal activity.
-Thank you. -That cannot be allowed
to continue. -Thank you, Senator Sanders.
Congressman, your response? -Well, yeah, I would —
I would just say — I didn’t say we couldn’t
get there till 2040, Bernie. You don’t have to yell. -Oh, no, he —
he absolutely does have to yell. [ Laughter ] Bernie’s been kicked out
of every library in Vermont. [ Laughter ]
He’s like the bus from “Speed.” If he goes under 100 decibels,
his hair will explode. [ Laughter and applause ] This debate basically seemed
like a bunch of moderates trying to take on
Warren and Bernie and Warren and Bernie teaming up
to fend them off. It like watching Michael Jordan
and Scottie Pippen take on the Washington Generals. In fact, at one point, John Delaney was again called on
to debate Warren over her proposal
to impose a wealth tax on assets over $50 million, and she managed
to debate Delaney just with
her facial expressions. -We can raise
the capital gains rate to match the ordinary income. You know,
the last president to do that was actually Ronald Reagan. We can do that
in our first year. I’ve called for that to be done, and it’ll double
the earned income tax credit. I called for the expansion
of universal pre-K, so that every American
has pre-K. -[ Chuckling ] Damn.
[ Laughter ] Even when she’s not talking,
she’s winning. It’s like when you’re on the
subway next to the crazy guy and you try to signal
to your friend you want to move
without talking. [ Laughter ] [ Mouthing words ] [ Laughter ] Also, look
at how she rubs her hands when the wealth tax comes up. -Your estimated net worth
is more than $65 million. That would make you subject to Senator Warren’s
proposed wealth tax on the assets of the richest
75,000 homes, households, or so in the United States. [ Cheers and applause ] -[ Chuckles ] I mean, she was like
J.K. Rowling if the “Final Jeopardy!”
category was Boy Wizards. [ Laughter and applause ] And then, of course, there was
Marianne Williamson, again, who gave this answer
on the Flint water crisis. -Flint is just the tip
of the iceberg. I was recently
in Denmark, South Carolina, where it is —
there is a lot of talk about it being the next Flint. We have an administration that
has gutted the Clean Water Act. We have communities, particularly
communities of color and disadvantaged communities
all over this country who are suffering
from environmental injustice. I assure you —
I lived in Grosse Pointe. What happened in Flint would not
have happened in Grosse Pointe. This is part
of the dark underbelly of American society.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Wait. Was that good?
[ Laughter ] Is Marianne Williamson
like one of those albums you have to listen to
a couple of times before you figure out
what they were trying to do? [ Laughter ] Is Marianne Williamson jazz? [ Laughter and applause ] Let’s hear some more. -You can’t fight dog whistles —
you have to override them. And the only way
you can override them is with new voices,
voices of energy that only come from the fact that America has been willing
to live up to our own mistakes, atone for our own mistakes, make amends
for our own mistakes, love each other,
love our democracy, love future generations. -Okay. I think I’m gonna
put this album away. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] But there were a couple things
that were a little odd about how this debate
was conducted. For one thing, they kept giving
so much time to John Delaney, a guy who’s polling
at less than 1%. -Congressman Delaney.
Congressman Delaney. Congressman Delaney. Congressman Delaney,
your response? -Congressman Delaney,
I’ll start with you. -Congressman Delaney,
your response? Congressman Delaney. Congressman Delaney,
I’m coming to you now. -Why do they keep asking him
to chime in? He’s polling
within the margin of error. He’s not gonna win.
[ Laughter ] It’s like going
to a Maroon 5 concert if Adam Levine kept going,
“Alright! Now time for another drum solo!”
[ Laughter ] And Delaney
wasn’t the only also-ran who got more stage time
than he probably should have — there was also Tim Ryan,
who, for some reason, always seemed surprised
when they’d toss him a question. -I want to go
to Congressman Ryan, and I want to turn
to the subject of North Korea. -I mean, my goodness — he
looked like a long-haul trucker desperately fighting
to stay awake. [ Laughter ] “130 miles to Tulsa.
Maybe if I take off one shoe…” [ Laughter ] [ Laughter continues ] Ultimately, this was
a deeply substantive debate that showcased genuine
differences among the candidates on key policy questions. And no matter what you think
of any them, eventually, one of them’s
gonna go up against a guy whose campaign slogan
is basically… -I know nothing. [ Laughter ]
This has been “A Closer Look.” [ Cheers and applause ]

Jeff Daniels on the Republican Party: “These Are The Guys Who Gave You Sarah Palin”


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FELLOW
AMERICANS, THE HOST FROM “THE LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT” NOMINATES THE FINEST ACTOR FROM THE JEFF
DELEGATION AS MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT. PLEASE WELCOME JEFF DANIELS. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )>>GOOD MORNING!>>Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.>>GOOD MORNING!>>Stephen: GOOD MORNING,
EXACTLY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. NICE TO SEE YOU. NOW, THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE
YOU WERE ON BROADWAY DOING “BLACK BIRD” AND YOU SAID YOU
WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING SOME TIME OFF.>>DID THAT, DOING THAT.>>Stephen: PRESENT DOING IT?>>YES.>>Stephen: RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW, THIS IS PART OF THE
VACATION?>>NO, THIS IS WORKING HARD
RIGHT NOW.>>Stephen: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. NOW, THE BEARD, IS THIS A COMMON
EVENT FOR THE VACATION? IS THIS YOU RELAXED? OR IS THIS YOU PREPARING FOR
SOMETHING ELSE?>>IT JUST– I JUST LET IT GO. LETTING EVERYTHING GO.>>Stephen: OH, YEAH.>>EVERY HAIR ON MY BODY,
LETTING IT GO. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: REALLY? BUT NORMALLY, YOU’RE WELL
MAN-SCAPED?>>YEAH, GOT A WEED WHACKER THAT
COMES IN ONCE A WEEK JUST FOR THAT PURPOSE.>>Stephen: NEIGHBORHOOD KID?>>GOOD KID. COUPLE OF BUCKS, THROW HIM.>>Stephen: IN THE WINTERTIME
HE SHOVELS.>>HE SHOVELS. HE SHOVELS IN THE WINTER. IN THE WINTERTIME. YEAH, NO, I’M DOING A WESTERN. I’M DOING A WESTERN IN THE FALL. AND SO —
>>ARE YOU A DESPERADO?>>I HAVE TO LOOK THAT UP LATER. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: IT’S A BAD GUY,
SORT OF A ROMANTIC BAD GUY.>>THAT, THAT– NOT ROMANTIC. I’M TOO OLD.>>Stephen: I DON’T KNOW. IS HE TOO OLD TO BE ROMANTIC?>>Audience: NO!>>Stephen: YOU’RE A
GOOD-LOOKING MAN.>>PLAYING A BAD GUY. SO I’M GROWING THE BEARD OUT. I’M ALSO HORSE RIDING IN
MICHIGAN. THERE’S A GUY —
>>IS THIS SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE BEFORE? DO YOU KNOW HOW TO HORSE RIDE?>>YOU TELL THEM THAT YOU HAVE.>>Stephen: THEY CALL YOU UP–
WHO IS DOING IT, NETFLIX? THIS IS NETFLIX, CAN YOU RIDE A
HORSE.>>, “THIS IS A WESTERN, YOU CAN
RIDE?” AS AN ACTOR YOU SAY YES. I DID A MOVIE 15, 20 YEARS AGO
WITH ACTORS WHO ALL SAID YES, CANADIAN ACTORS, WHO ARE SOME OF
THE FINEST ACTORS IN THE WORLD. ONE GUY WAS A LITTLE SHY OF
HORSES AND HE SKIPPED THE HORSE TRAINING. HE TOLD EVERYBODY HE COULD RIDE. WE’RE OUT THERE IN FRONT OF 500
EXTRAS, 500 PEOPLE. WE’RE IN AMERICAN REVOLUTION–
SHOOTING IN TORONTO– AMERICAN REVOLUTION. AND THIS GUY AND THE HORSE– IF
YOU DON’T SIT RIGHT ON THE HORSE, THE HORSE KNOW S.>>Stephen: OH, THEY CAN
SMELL FEAR.>>OH, THEY CAN SMELL FEAR. AND THE HORSE WENT LIKE THAT. SAILED– THE GUY SAILED OFF THE
BACK. BA-BOOM! LANDS ON HIS BACK. THE WIG CAME OFF. THE THREE-CORNERED HAT CAME OFF. 500 EXTRAS JUST WENT, “WHOA.” YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THAT GUY.>>Stephen: ARE YOU TRAINED UP
FOR THIS? ARE YOU GOING TO FEEL
COMFORTABLE RIDING WESTERN?>>I’M ALMOST CANTORRING. I’M GOING TO GALLOP IN TWO
WEEKS.>>Stephen: WOW.>>BUT YOU LEARN– AND BRAD
CLARK, GREAT TEACHER IN MICHIGAN, RODEO COWBOY ON THE
WEEKENDS. HE WEARS THE WHAT, THE WHOLE
THING– I’M WEARING A HAT NOW.>>Stephen: ANY KIND OF HAT?>>THE FIRST TIME I DIDN’T SHOW
UP WITH A HAT. THE SECOND TIME I SHOWED UP I
HAD A HAT, A COWBOY HAT I BOUGHT FOR A STUPID REASON. AND I’M WEARING IT, AND HE
DOESN’T COMMENT ON IT IT. HE DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING.>>Stephen: OOOH.>>I GOT A HAT. AND HE’S GOING, “YUP.” YOU KNOW.>>Stephen: WHY DID YOU BRING
THE HAT? SO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO
RIDE WITH A HAT ON?>>I WANTED TO BE COOL. I WANTED TO BE LIKE A COWBOY.>>Stephen: OKAY.>>YOU KNOW. SO ONCE I HAD THE HAT– AND YOU
GET THE DEER FLIES. IT HELPS WITH THE DEER FLIES AND
YOU GET TO DO THAT ONCE IN A WHILE.>>Stephen: AND YOU GET THE
WATER OUT OF THE CREEK.>>I RODE THE HORSE INTO A POND
AND OUT OF A POND AND YOU LEARN HOW TO RIDE —
>>WHAT’S GOING ON DOWN THERE? THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN. WHAT IS THAT?>>THIS IS YOU AT ONE WITH THE
HORSE BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT TO TELL HIM–
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU LOOK. YOU LOOK. YOU LOOK AT JOHN WAYNE, BIG JOHN
WAYNE, STUD MUFFIN JOHN WAYNE, STUD MUFFIN TILL HE WAS 80. BUT DOWN BELOW, HE’S AT ONE WITH
THE HORSE. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: AND THAT’S LEGAL
IN MICHIGAN? ( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, NOW, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. WE’RE TALKING POLITICS.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: THIS WEEK. I KNOW YOU’VE HAD A FEW OPINIONS
ABOUT POLITICS. LAST TIME YOU WERE ON YOU LIKED
BERNIE BUT WERE HEADING FOR THE HILLS. LET’S TALK ABOUT THE STAGECRAFT. YOU TRAINED ACTING. YOU WENT TO ACT SCHOOL? I THOUGHT DID YOU.>>I WENT TO SCHOOL.>>Stephen: YOU WENT TO SCHOOL
FOR ACTING. DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING WHILE YOU
WERE THERE THAT YOU CAN SHARE?>>THEY’RE DOING A GREAT JOB OF
IMAGINING A BETTER WORLD, IMAGINING A GREATER FUTURE,
IMAGINING– THAT’S JUST BASIC ACTING. AND YOU GUYS LIKE CORY BOOKER,
OF COURSE, MICHELLE OBAMA– THEY’RE JUST REALLY GOOD AT IT,
THE ONES WHO ARE. AND IT’S JUST BASIC ACTING,
WHICH IS EXERCISES LIKE ALONE IN YOUR ROOM AND SCENE WORK WITH
OTHER PEOPLE. AND PETTING THE KITTY. YOU HAVE —
>>WHAT IS THAT ONE? I DIDN’T– I’VE NEVER–
>>IT’S JUST A BASIC IMAGINARY EXERCISE THAT YOU IMAGINE THAT
YOU HAVE A KITTY, AND YOU PET IT. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU PET THE KITTY. ( LAUGHTER )
OH, LOOK. THE KITTY RAN ACROSS THE DESK. OH, LET’S GO GET THE KITTY AND
BRING IT BACK. ( LAUGHTER )
THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
>>Stephen: I HAVE A SHY
KITTY. I’M PUTTING MY KITTY DOWN BACK
HERE. WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE STAGECRAFT
OF THESE CONVENTIONS,ING WHAT DO YOU THINK– HAVE YOU WATCHED THE
REPUBLICAN AND THE DEMOCRAT? HOW WOULD YOU COMPARE THE
STAGECRAFT?>>I WATCHED THE REPUBLICAN
CONVENTION. THE LAST TIME I WATCHED IT IN
FULL, LIKE, 2004. BUT BUSH AND CHENEY AND —
>>IT’S DIFFERENT THIS YEAR. ( LAUGHTER ).>>YEAH. THERE’S THE “D” LIST, AND THEN
THERE’S DOWN IN HERE. AND DOWN IN HERE IS WHERE WE
WERE LAST WEEK. BUT I– 2004, I WATCHED IT, AND
I WAS SO STRESSED OUT, THAT I WENT AND GOT A STRESS TEST. I GOT AN E.K.G.>>Stephen: HONEST TO GOD
AFTER YOU WATCHED IT.>>THEY SAID WHAT BROUGHT IT–
AND I SAID, “I WATCHED THE ENTIRE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION.”>>Stephen: WHAT DID THEY
PRESCRIBE?>>A MONTH IN THE BAHAMAS AND
REST AND DON’T WATCH ANYTHING REPUBLICAN ANYMORE. THAT WAS BACK– THAT WAS BACK
WHEN THEY WERE SANE! THAT WAS BACK– REMEMBER, THESE
ARE THE THE GUYS WHO WERE THE STRAIGHT-FACED, GAVE YOU SARAH
PALIN. THEY GAVE YOU SARAH PALIN.>>Stephen: CAN I RECOMMEND
SOMETHING TO CALM YOU DOWN THIS YEAR?>>YES.>>Stephen: MAYBE PET THE
KITTY. LET ME KNOW HOW THAT GOES.

Senator Elizabeth Warren Talks About the Democratic Party’s Shift to the Left


-How are you?
-I am great. -I’m so happy to hear this. I know that you go back
from recess tomorrow. -Yes. -So tell me, during the recess,
do you miss it? Do you miss your colleagues? Do you miss your colleagues from
the other side of the aisle? -Let me put it this way. I am ready to get back
in the fight. -All right.
-Anytime. -There you go.
-That’s my job. [ Cheers and applause ] -Wonderful to hear. I will say, your message
is a very strong one. I find it very counter
to what your favorite show is. When I think of what Elizabeth
Warren’s favorite show is, I would not guess
that it is “Ballers.” [ Laughter ] -But it is.
-That’s true. Okay. Because you did tweet, “To all
the reporters tweeting at me about the season premiere of
‘Ballers’ on Sunday night at 10:00 p.m.,
like I haven’t had this date saved on my calendar for months:
I know.” -True. I know. -You know, and by the way,
someone else noticed your tweet. This is Dwayne “The Rock”
Johnson, the star of “Ballers.” “You reporters
better put some respect on Senator Warren’s name. She is ready for our season
premiere of ‘Ballers.'” And then, “Thank you, Senator,
for the support. I feel
we’ll deliver our best yet. You have a big Rock-sized hug
coming when I see you.” -Whoa. -I mean, that is —
-That’s good. [ Cheers and applause ] -I would say a Rock-size hug is both very exciting
and also very terrifying. Just be a little careful
about a Rock-size hug. -Yeah. It’s a thing.
-You were here in 2014, and it seems very long ago you
were considered, at the time, the far left end of
the Democratic Party. There has been
a progressive wave, it seems, post the 2016 election. Are you surprised
it took this long, or are you relieved
that it’s finally happening? -Oh, look, I look at this as people are starting to ask
the fundamental question. Who does government work for? And, boy, has that become
even clearer over the last year and a half. The Republicans passed
this gigantic tax giveaway. $1.5 trillion to giant
corporations and bazillionaires. That’s who they think government
should work for, that the rich and the powerful should get richer
and more powerful. My view on this and a lot of
folks around this country is, no, government ought to
work for the people, and that’s what
this fight is all about. That’s how I see this. -Was it frustrating for you
having been, you know, a politician who had always
talked about the middle class and actually taken steps
to protect the middle class to see Donald Trump
also frame himself as a hero of the middle class? -Sure. But now, it’s not
even about the words. It’s about what have you
actually done? You give away $1.5 trillion to the richest and most powerful
among us? I just want to think
for a minute what you really could do if you were investing that money
in America. And on this,
I want to say for me, this is really personal because this is about
how government works. I grew up in one of these
paycheck-to-paycheck families. My daddy ended up as a janitor. My mom worked a minimum-wage job
at Sears. My chance in life was a $50
a semester commuter college. I grabbed it and hung on, and I got to be
a public schoolteacher. I got to be a college professor, and I got to be
a United States Senator all because America
invested in kids like me. I believe in that America. [ Cheers and applause ] -Do you take — I mean,
solace is a weird word, but have you —
do you find it notable that right now as we come
towards the midterms, it seems as though
the Republican Party is not actually running on this
tax bill they passed, which… -No kidding. -…is the signature achievement
of the first half of Donald Trump’s term in office. -And stinks like
three-week-old garbage. [ Laughter ] I mean, they are, “Oh…” You know, somewhere else
every time anything about that tax bill
comes up. You know, and that’s what’s
remarkable about this. They passed it
knowing it was unpopular. It’s not like people
changed their minds. They passed it
knowing it was unpopular. Figured, “Hey, they’d spend
a few bazillion dollars outrunning ads on it, and the American people
would fall for it.” And here’s the deal. It’s more unpopular now than it
was when it passed because, I think that really is the heart
of where America is. I think we still fundamentally,
fundamentally, down at our core, believe in the things
we can do together. Believe in the things
like healthcare is a basic human right, and our kids should be able
to get an education without getting crushed by debt, and that seniors should be able
to retire with some dignity and that we’re willing to pull
together to pitch in some of our money
to try to make that happen, to build a better future
for ourselves and for our kids.

Michael Moore Has a Winning Strategy for Democrats in 2020


-You want to talk about
strategy because you… -Yes. Yes. -Again, you called this
last time. And talk about what happened
in Michigan in 2018 and — -Last November, we — Michigan sadly went red
for Trump in 2016. But this past November,
we brought it back to blue. And we kicked out
all the Republicans in the state capitol
and we got the governor, lieutenant-governor, attorney
general, secretary of state, and we kicked out
two Republicans, Congressmen, in suburban Detroit —
in suburban Detroit — and replaced them with
two Democratic women. So Michigan is now back —
[ Cheers and applause ] Let me tell you how we did it.
Here’s how we did it. Amd we got to do this
in states — especially the swing states
next year. Ballot proposals brought out
the people to vote last November who may not have voted. So we came up with this idea.
Let’s get two ballot proposals. Actually, this is Karl Rove’s
and Bush’s idea. In 2004, they got 14 states
to put an amendment on the ballot proposal
to ban gay marriage, and it passed
in all 14 states, and it brought out enough people
to get Bush elected. We can do this this time. If we put ballot measures
on the ballots. We did it in Michigan with
with marijuana legalization, we doubled the youth vote…
-Yeah. -…from the previous
off-year election. And — and the African-American
vote, which thousands had sat it out
in ’16, unhappy with the choices, came back to vote
last November because we had a ballot proposal to make gerrymandering
and voter suppression illegal, and it passed.
[ Cheers and applause ] It passed, marijuana passed,
and we had a huge African-American turnout,
and that gave us — we got Democrats elected off it. So instead of putting all
our hopes in one politician to carry the thing, we have to
get these ballot proposals on in the swing states. That will bring out people
to vote. Now, I tweeted at Trump just before I came out
to watch tonight. -Oh, wow. Okay, gotcha. -You know, because I was
going to tell him, you know — You think he is —
[ Laughter ] He’s like — I told — -Thank you. -I told him to get
a bucket of KFC. -Yep. -And he’s in his robe right now
watching you and I. -Yeah, probably, yeah. -And I said, you got to watch
because I’m going to tell you how we’re going remove you
from the White House next year. -All right.
[ Cheers and applause ] -And we’re gonna do it —
we’re gonna do it by getting those ballot
proposals in those states to bring out the majority
of Americans, or that 70% — women, people of color,
young adults. We’re going to run
a beloved candidate who is a street fighter. All right, I’m serious. Folks, if we put up
the wrong horse in this race, we are doomed again. Let’s not do that. And I’m willing to say —
okay, so let’s say — Obviously I love Bernie
and his politics and all that, but we all have to agree
we’re going to all vote for the person that isn’t
just going to beat Trump, ’cause I think there’s
four or five candidates now that could beat him. But beating isn’t good enough.
Hillary beat him. We have to crush Trump. It has to be orange crush.
[ Cheers and applause ] Orange crush.
Operation Orange Crush — I just came up with that.
-There you go. Well, you got to
come back again. We’ll check in on the operation.
That’s Michael Moore, everybody.

Republicans Pretend They Haven’t Seen Trump’s Racist Tweets: A Closer Look


-The president and GOP leaders
are insisting that Trump’s latest
racist comments are not, in fact, racist,
despite the fact that they are definitely
super racist. [ Light laughter ] For more on this, it’s time for
“A Closer Look.” [ Cheers and applause ] Trump has spent the week reeling
off a series of unhinged tweets and tirades
defending his racist attack on four Democratic
congresswomen of color, in which he told them to go back
and help fix the “totally broken
and crime-infested places” from which they came. Of course,
they’re Americans. Three of them
were born here, and the fourth is a refugee
and naturalized citizen. So, if their country
is broken and crime-infested, that’s on you. Trump accidentally… [ Cheers and applause ] Trump accidentally
burned himself. It’s like if someone said,
“Man, your parents must have really
screwed you up,” and that someone
was your mom. [ Laughter ] So, given the fact that
they’re American citizens, reporters this afternoon
followed up on Trump’s comments, and he once again
defended them. -If people want to leave
our country, they can. If they don’t want to
love our country, if they don’t want to
fight for our country, they can. I’ll never change on that. They are not espousing
the views of our country, the four congresswomen. I think that
they’ve said horrible things that the press
doesn’t cover. I think you should try
covering it. When you look at some of
the things they said, they’re unthinkable. If somebody else, or —
me, or anybody else — said things like that,
it would be historic. So, you ought to look at some of
their horrible statements, ’cause there’s never been
statements like that. -Trump’s brain disease
won’t let him backtrack, no matter how far over the line
he goes. If he said,
“I’m gonna eat this apple,” and you said,
“Dude, that’s an onion,” he would stand there
and eat the whole thing with tears
streaming down his face. [ As Trump ]
“This is a really– this is a
really good apple. [ Laughter ] “Is this a
golden delicious?” [Cheers and applause ] [ Normal voice ]
Also, those congresswomen
do love our country, as evidenced by the fact
that they’ve chosen to spend their time and energy
serving in Congress despite having to deal with
your bull[bleep] every day. I mean, if I… [ Cheers and applause ] If I had to do their jobs
for one day, I’d be like, “[Bleep] it.
I’m moving to Maine.” [ Laughter ] “I’m gonna open up one of
those trendy furniture stores that sells tree stump
coffee tables.” I mean, all I do
is make fun of you, and I’m exhausted. This is what I looked like when the Trump
administration started. [ Laughter ] I mean, who needs — Who needs FaceApp when you have
Trump for a president? [ Laughter ] Also, you’re accusing them
of saying horrible things about our country? You spent the eight years
of the Obama administration and the 2016 campaign
constantly lying and trash-talking
the country. -The U.S. has become
a dumping ground for everybody
else’s problems. We’re like a dumping ground
for the world. We’re a dumping ground. The United States
is becoming a dumping ground. We used to be at the top. Now, we’re like
a third-world country. We’re like
a third-world country. We’re becoming
a third-world country because of our
infrastructure — our airports, our roads,
everything. The whole world is looking at
us, and laughing at us. The world is
laughing at us. They’re laughing at the
stupidity of our president. [ Laughter ] Well… Well, I’m glad that’s over. [ Cheers and applause ] So, Trump called America
a “dumping ground,” a “third-world country,”
and a “laughingstock.” I’d tell him to go back to
where he came from, but I’m pretty sure
he just appeared after a bunch of teens
played with a ouija board they found in the woods. Of course,
since it summoned Trump, the word “ouija”
was probably misspelled. [ Laughter ] So, Trump mounted
a racist attack on four Democratic
congresswomen of color, and then defended that attack
with lies about the congresswomen
he was attacking — which, of course,
gave Republicans a chance to courageously stand up
to the president by pulling
their favorite move — pretending they haven’t
heard about it, and desperately waiting for
the elevator doors to close. Here’s one senator trying out an especially
unconvincing response. -You saw the president’s tweets
this weekend. -Actually,
I was out of town. -Oh! Well, actually — Actually, twitter has
a new feature where you can even read
the tweets out of town. [Laughter] The way it works is
the [bleep] same. [ Light laughter ] Anyway, go on. -Well, he said that
these progressive congresswomen should go back
to their countries. I’m wondering what your reaction
is to that. -I’m working hard as I can
on reducing healthcare costs. I’m not giving
a daily commentary of the president’s tweets. -But these are, you know,
racist tweets. Do you have any concerns
about it? -The president said that
these minority congresswomen should go back to
their countries. Do you have a response? -I haven’t read that,
but I’ll go check it out. -Okay. -Man, what would Republicans
in Congress do if the Capitol
didn’t have elevators? [ Laughter ] They’d have to
carry around houseplants just so they could
hide behind them. “What do you think of
the president’s tweets?” “I’m sorry,
I haven’t seen them. Now, if you’ll
excuse me, I…” [ Laughter, cheers,
and applause ] “Is he gone?” [ Laughter ] Also, I’m sorry,
but can we please retire this “I haven’t seen
the tweet” excuse? No one believes you. In fact, this excuse
is getting so absurd that Trump’s acting director
of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services,
Ken Cuccinelli, tried it on CNN
literally right after an anchor read the tweet on air. -The president sent this out
yesterday at 8:00 a.m. “So interesting to see
progressive Democratic congresswomen who originally
came from countries whose governments are a complete
and total catastrophe — the worst, most corrupt, and
inept anywhere in the world — if they even have a functioning
government at all — now loudly and viciously telling
the people of the United States, the greatest and most powerful
nation on Earth, how our government
is to be run. Why don’t they go back and help
fix the totally broken and crime-infested places
from which they came?” What did you think
of that tweet? -Well, I didn’t see
that tweet, actually. I can hear what
you’re reading. -Yeah, you ca–
You just heard it. She just read it to you. Republicans are like
your friends who haven’t seen a TV show
trying to avoid spoilers while they’re watching
the show. “No, no, no.
Don’t give it away!” Seriously, the only way you can
support Trump without lying, at this point, is if you have
the part of your brain that’s responsible
for memory replaced with the brain
of a goldfish. “I hadn’t seen the tweet.” “I just showed you
the tweet.” “What tweet?”
“The president’s tweet.” “Sorry, one sec.
I got eat these food flakes.” [ Laughter and applause ] By the way,
just to give you an idea of how fully and completely Republicans have debased
themselves in service of Trump, that same guy,
Ken Cuccinelli, staged a floor fight at the 2016
Republican National Convention to change the convention rules,
and even made a big show of dramatically throwing
his credentials on the floor. And after that happened,
Trump’s son, Donald Trump Jr., slammed Cuccinelli,
and called him an “idiot.” -I have the same group of
four people running around. They wait for a camera
to show up, and then, they take
their credentials, and tried to dramatically
throw them on the floor. They look like idiots. -You’re talking about
Ken Cuccinelli. Are you calling him
an idiot? I’m saying these people
look like idiots when they’re doing that.
-Imagine — Imagine how pathetic
you have to be to take a job in
the Trump administration after Donald Trump Jr.
called you an idiot. Donald Trump Jr. This is a guy who doesn’t even
know how to stand like a normal
human being. I mean, look at him. He always looks like
he’s waiting for someone to pin a medal
on his chest. “My father said I was getting
an award for most oily.” [ Laughter ] What all this is exposing,
once again, is the rot of intellectual
bad faith within the GOP. For years,
they claimed that, when they criticized
President Obama, they were just
upholding the Constitution, and they complained they were being unfairly
maligned as racists. And to prove that
they would be consistent, they said they would also stand
up to a Republican president. For example, according to
a new book out this week, then-Republican Congressman
Mick Mulvaney, who is now Trump’s
acting chief of staff, said back in 2016,
“We’re not going to let Trump dismantle the
Bill of Rights. For five and a half years,
every time we got to the floor, and tried to push back against
an over-reaching president, we get accused of being partisan
at best, and racist at worst. When we do it against
a Republican president, maybe people will see
it was a principled objection in the first place.” Well, they didn’t,
because it wasn’t. Republicans are literally
hiding in elevators to avoid
criticizing Trump. If you get in an elevator
with a Republican Senator, be careful, because they might
hit every button. [ Laughter ] “Sorry, just need
a couple minutes. Hey, can you show me
how to open Twitter? No, no,
not the regular one. Travel Twitter. Oh. Oh, God, man,
it has been a day. It has been —
Oh, it has been…” [ Cheers and applause ] The last few days have exposed
once again that the eight years Republicans spent
criticizing Obama weren’t actually about
principled objections. The same guys who said
they’d stand up to Trump are now working for him,
or hiding in elevators to avoid criticizing
the racism and corruption and… -Stupidity of our president. -This has been
“A Closer Look.” [ Cheers and applause ]