President Trump Considering Placing Tariffs on All Chinese Imports



Let's get to the news. Following the latest escalation
in his trade war with China, President Trump
is now reportedly considering placing tariffs
on all Chinese imports, which could result in higher
prices at stores like Target. Target? Okay. NOW will white women
turn against him? "Separate families all you want, but come for my rock
that says 'Gratitude,' and we will have a problem!" In a series of tweets
this morning, President Trump claimed that the U.S.
is in a fantastic position in its trade war with China. "There's more
than one position?!" said Mike Pence. [ Laughter ] President Trump
yesterday complimented authoritarian Hungarian
Prime Minister Viktor Orban, saying that Orban is, "A little bit controversial,
and that's okay." A little bit controversial?
The guy's a dictator. And you're taking about him
like he's cilantro. Which, by the way,
is a devil weed, and if you like it,
you are a bad person. [ Cheers and applause ] "The Washington Post"
has published an article claiming that parents
who name their children after the "Game of Thrones"
character Daenerys Targaryen may regret their decision due to her actions
in the show's final season, though, if you named
your kid Daenerys, this probably isn't
your first regret. "Aww, man!
I bought too many nunchucks! [ Laughter ] Now Daenerys is playing
in the nunchucks!" Today was Facebook CEO
Mark Zuckerberg's 35th birthday. And if you're wondering what
he wants, your personal data. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] That's all he wants. The children's cartoon "Arthur"
gained attention yesterday for airing an episode featuring
a character's gay wedding. And if you think
that was controversial, wait until legal marijuana arrives in
"Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood." [ Laughter ] Police in Ohio recently
arrested a man for allegedly stealing meat from a supermarket after catching him
with steak in his pants. The steak was visible, because
he only hid it medium well. [ Laughter ] [ Scattered applause ] [ Laughter ] You're all lucky. You're lucky to be here
on a night with a steak joke. They're pretty rare. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Yeah. I thought that was
pretty well done. [ Laughter ] [ Laughing ] So proud of myself. [ Laughs ] Presidential hopeful
Beto O'Rourke said today that he regrets
launching his 2020 campaign on the cover of "Vanity Fair." And Bernie Sanders said
he has some regrets, too. [ Laughter ] [ As Sanders ]
"Give me your cheapest suit!" A Washington, D.C., condo
that is currently up for sale has gained attention online
after Internet users discovered that a listing photo
of the property accidentally included
a man's penis. Said prospective buyers,
"No, I wanted exposed BRICK." [ Laughter and applause ]

John Goodman Doesn't Care About the Roseanne Reboot's Politics



-It's always
so great to see you. Congratulations on
the return of "Roseanne." -Thank you very much. -This must be beyond
your wildest dreams. Even the fact that it came
together in the first place. -It was a gift.
And I'm treating it as such. I'm very grateful
to be back there, as opposed to last time,
when I was "rehearsing" and… It was remarkable
how it came together. I was on Sara Gilbert's
talk show, "The Talk." -Yes. -In case there's any confusion. And we did a little
"Roseanne"-ish sketch at the top of it. And during the show, she asked
me if I would be interested in a reunion show
or something like that. A clip show. I don't know.
I said, yeah, in a heartbeat. And she called Roseanne,
said I was interested. And three weeks later,
we had a deal with the American
Broadcasting Company… -That's crazy.
-…also known as ABC. -You've always been a formal — You always speak about networks
very formally. -The DuMont Network. -[ Laughs ] It's funny. Obviously you and
Roseanne have this chemistry. It's incredibly well-honed. I remember this year
at the Golden Globes you guys came out
and presented together. And I was rehearsing
earlier in the day. And for people who don't know, they just have extras
do the lines. So, I was watching, and it was
like a three-line exchange between you and Roseanne. But I watched two extras do it, and I was like,
"This isn't funny at all." And then you and Roseanne
came out and said the exact same thing,
and it just crushed. -Well, they gave me a punch line
that didn't work. -[ Laughs ] Oh, yeah? -And she saved my bacon.
-Oh, well, that's — I think that when you have
a partner in comedy like that, there's a lot of bacon saving.
-Oh, thank you. -And you brought back
the whole cast. You even brought back
both Beckys. Was that a fun thing to have to
figure out the math of that? -Yeah, it was amazing. Yeah,
I couldn't recognize them apart. Which one is which? Yeah, they fit her in. She may even be coming back,
I don't know, doing something. But it's just so bizarre to walk onto that set
for the first time. Everything is reproduced
exactly. And I got chills. It's not déjàà vu,
but it's something spookier. I think Laurie Metcalf
calls it a wormhole. -A wormhole. That makes sense.
So, you said reproduced. It's not the original set?
-No. They had to get stuff off of
eBay, I believe, that was ours. -Oh, really? [ Cheers and applause ] -The rumor
that I've been spreading is that the Smithsonian
Institution owns the couch and they wouldn't
rent it back to us cheaply. -Right.
-But that's not true. -It's a good rumor.
-Print the legend. Yeah, absolutely.
Print the legend. -Cheap bastards. I want to tell you
about the government! Let me tell you about the
government! Aw, they're bad! -Well, the show, of course, is
a lot now about the government, not as much as I feel like
it's maybe getting ink for. Roseanne is a Trump supporter. Laurie is a Hillary —
a left-wing supporter. Did you know
going into the season what the stories
were going to be about? -I didn't care.
-Yeah, that — -Which is pretty much
the way I went through the last nine years of the show. -Well.
-I don't care! -The other thing
that I think that helps is Dan doesn't seem to care.
-No. -It's basically — he's along
for the ride, as well. -He's out in the garage
drinking quite a bit of beer. -Yeah. But he looks very svelte.
-Thank you. -New Dan looks very svelte.
You've done him a great favor. -Light beer.
-Yeah.

How Jay Leno Changed the Politics of Late Night



when I started hosting marijuana was illegal and you can smoke cigarettes any place you wanted I believe he did the greatest monologue ever and I think it was because of his political sensibility and the worst thing about losing this job I'm no longer cover NBC I'd have to sign up for Obamacare after 22 years as the host of The Tonight Show Jay Leno said goodbye to late night though he was no favorite of TV critics Leno held the top ratings spot for over two decades after succeeding the legendary Johnny Carson recent TV sat down with longtime Leno producer Dave Berg author of the book behind the curtain an insider's look at Jay Leno's Tonight Show to discuss lenez legacy of elevating politics and late-night talk Johnny Carson who of course is a legend the greatest there ever was he set the bar very high for all of us however Johnnie emphasized entertainers on his show I'm not saying he didn't have politico's from time to time he did but the emphasis was on entertainers well the strategy that we used to kind of expand and maybe get better ratings was to move beyond entertainers and I think that this is what distinguished Jay not only in the guests that he chose I mean basically we had every major presidential candidate from 1996 on but also in his monologue which he expanded it from Johnnie's with seven minutes and Jay expanded his to 14 minutes and added a lot of political humor he set the pace I believe he did the greatest monologue ever and I think it was because of his political Sensibility you talked about having presidential candidates the you guys were actually the first to get a sitting president when you had President Obama on can you talk a little bit about the story of how that happened five years before he became president I was watching him speak at the Democratic convention in Boston and that was in 2004 Kerry was the the Democratic candidate that year and and I had never heard of this unknown political Illinois and I thought oh my gosh this guy is the best speak I have seen since Ronald Reagan I'm not talking politics here I'm just talking about the ability to communicate and I was very impressed and the next day I started calling on his people to express an interest in getting him on the show now we did finally land him on the show as as an author the the audacity of hope' when he was a presidential candidate so when he did finally agree to appear as a president he had already been on he had already had a trust yet and it kind of a chemistry with Jay but nevertheless when he decided to appear on the show on his 59th day in office that was amazing because no other president had ever appeared on a late-night show it was actually considered unpresidential that was a huge moment and you know looking back at that why do you think it took so long for that to happen I mean do you think that politicians are kind of afraid of going on platforms like that because they're afraid of being made fun of I do and as I always told the political people actually we're much easier I'm not saying Jay didn't ask tough questions he did he certainly did but we weren't Meet the Press and Jays attitude about guests is he believed that that it was a family environment at the Tonight Show and and he actually acted as though guests were like guests in his house so he always said I'm not going to throw you a curve ball you don't have to worry I'm I will ask you a tough question I'll ask you this I'll ask you that but he never never asked gotcha questions so we were actually easier than Meet the Press it never seemed like he was really accepted among you know the comedic elite and here he is now he's going to get the Mark Twain humor award at the Kennedy Center this fall what do you think is so misunderstood about his success I think that the critics the Television Critics basically early on starting when Jay took over from Johnny Carson early on they said this guy doesn't have the chops he doesn't have what Johnny Carson has and by the way he's not cut from the same fabric as David Letterman it is so much more edgy and they are the ones that basically set the tone for for how J was perceived among if I may use the word among elitist not among the folks who live in the flyover States those wonderful flyover States but among the elitist who felt that J's humor was much too milquetoast actually I think J's approach was was exactly what it should be what you want to do is you want to tell jokes that appeal to a broad band of viewers we weren't narrowcasting we were trying to reach a wide group of people and I think J did that very successfully and I think the Mark Twain award is justification finally J gets the credit that he deserves and a lot of people you know would always try to tie a political label to him but you know because we have more of a libertarian audience do you think kind of that independent streak that he was more working-class he worked really hard I know you talked a lot about his work ethic in the book do you think that kind of came through the fact that he was just a little bit more independent and that's maybe why he broke through to such a larger audience I definitely do and again I think you could see it in his monologue jokes I think that resonated with people I really do the fact is in the last you know two three years none of the other late night hosts were doing Obama jokes well Jay felt well J happens to like President Obama but his feeling was you got to go after who's ever in power and he alone was doing jokes about Obama for a long time finally when Obamacare you know became the disaster that it was at least for a while the other host started following soon do you think that his willingness cuz I see it now with Kimmel yeah and a little bit with Fallon and Letterman they've kind of followed suit but do you think that that is kind of one of his main legacies as far as you know being an equal opportunity offender oh my gosh yes I mean I really think that distinguishes him and and yes if I understand your question properly there doesn't seem to be a healthy skepticism of those in power and that concerns me because late night is so influential especially among younger people I think yeah and you know there's also kind of this I guess you can call it a PC movement going on where you've seen a lot of comedians lately having to you know apologize for jokes do you how do you think that affects the material right or did it really come into play when he was crafting his monologue that was a big problem and I have to say that among the the comedy writers and comedians whether they were liberal a conservative they hate PC they do not like political correctness because that restricts them in their job and that was very damaging and it hurt a lot of jokes we had to sort of water down some of the jokes everybody did and and I think everyone suffers as a result you're you're missing SATA you're missing good satire when you look at who's out there now you have Kimmel you have Letterman as stepping down you have Colbert coming in now and now you have Jimmy Fallon who do you see kind of emerging as as that standard bearer of being the top dog I actually am a Jimmy Fallon guy and I like Jimmy Kimmel they're both really good I watched them both but Jimmy Fallon when he took over for Jay honestly I did not want to like him I didn't like the fact that Jay was you know being let go when he was doing so well but when I started watching a Fallon on a regular basis he won me over and I like him because he continues with that really positive upbeat attitude that that Jay represented and he has brought kind of a new perspective he has redefined late-night on his own terms now it's about comedy bits it's about performance the guests get involved they want to get involved Jimmy gets involved because he's so talented and he has done very well I would go so far as to call him the king of late-night he's going to be the guy to be that's my feeling

Trump's First 100 Days and a Possible Government Shutdown: A Closer Look



-President Trump
has been scrambling for literally any kind
of positive achievement as he nears the end
of his first 100 days in office. Meanwhile, he and Congress are
facing down an imminent deadline to avoid a government shutdown. For more on this,
it's time for "A Closer Look." [ Cheers and applause ] Trump is nearing
the 100 day milestone with record low approval ratings and a White House
in constant chaos, which means today
was the perfect day for a jovial, well-rested
former President Obama to show up in Chicago
for his first public appearance after leaving office
and say this. -So, uh… what — what's been going on
while I've been gone? [ Laughter ] [ Chuckles sarcastically ] Everything! Everything has been going on. Of course, after that comment,
Obama threw on some shades, kite surfed
out of the auditorium and yelled,
"Somebody get me a mai tai." But Obama's first
post-election public appearance was especially well-timed, because Saturday will mark the
100th day of Trump's presidency. Which is traditionally
when presidents get their first big report card
on their performance so far. And this will shock you. Most people
think he's not doing great. -We have our brand-new NBC News
Wall Street Journal poll so tell us
just how Americans think the president is doing
as we approach Day 100. In short, not well. -The worst approval ratings
around the 100 day mark for any president
in modern times. -He laid out a very detailed
100 day contract he called it — Obamacare, tax reform,
border wall funding, infrastructure spending,
new trade tariffs, labeling China
a currency manipulator, ending the common core
education standards. 100 days in or one week
from 100 days anyway, incomplete at best. None of this,
none of this has been done. -None of this has been done. If this were a movie,
it would be called "100 Dayz and Confused." Now, the polls did have one bit
of good news for Trump, which if a new election
were held today, Trump would win over Clinton
43% to 40%. And of course, Trump could not help but brag
about those numbers, tweeting yesterday… Still? Does he think he won
the popular vote the first time? Because I got news for you,
buddy. You can't still do something
you've never done before. It's like me saying
"It's been 100 days, but Rihanna
would still go out with me. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Thank you for sticking with me. Nonetheless, the 100 day
report card is on the way. And like every terrible student, Trump is trying to turn an "F"
into an "A," tweeting last week… Yeah, the 100 day report card
is an arbitrary, meaningless political milestone
that most people care about. Most people, that is,
except Donald Trump. -I propose the contract
with the American voter. It's a set of promises for what
I'll do in my first 100 days. What follows
is my 100 day action plan to make America great again. Just think about
what we can accomplish in the first 100 days
of a Trump administration. -And then after
you thought about it, tell me what you came up with,
because I've got nothing. [ Laughter,
cheers and applause ] So as the 100 day milestone
nears, Trump has failed to deliver on almost everyone of
his major legislative promises. Now, there are many reasons for
this including Trumps ignorance about the basic political
realities of governing. In fact Trump is so ignorant, he's ignorant
of his own ignorance. For example, he apparently
just learned that there were
different factions within the Republican Party and talked about
as if it was a brilliant insight telling the AP
in an interview… Trump is like
an annoying 8-year-old kid that just got home from school. Did you know fish can breathe
underwater by using their gills? Yeah, Timmy, I did know that. Everybody knows that,
now go suck on your juice box. In fact, Trump even seems
to have trouble remembering the names
of Congressional leaders as we discover last week when he kept referring to
House Speaker Paul Ryan as Ron before catching himself
and trying to save it. -My thanks goes to Speaker Ryan who's represented the city for
nearly two decades in Congress. And you know where he is? He's with NATO, and —
So he has a good excuse. I said, "Ron,
make sure these countries start paying their bills
a little bit more. You know, they're way,
way behind, Ron. I'm gonna talk to you
about that, Ron." But, Paul,
you're over with NATO, get them to pay their bills. -I said Ron, "I mean,
I'm talking to you, Ron. Your names not Ron?
I meant Don. I was talking to myself. Don, you've got to get them
to pay their bills. Good idea, Don.
Thank you, Don." [ Laughter ] So, with less than a week
to the 100 day deadline, the Trump himself champion, the president
has failed to deliver on nearly every one of
his major legislative promises. How could things get any worse? -Shutdown showdown. -The White House is racing to avoid marking the president's
first 100 days in office with a government shutdown. -If Congress doesn't send
President Trump a the government funding
bill midnight on Friday, the government
will run out of money and a shutdown would begin. -A sticking point
as you may know is money for the wall
along our border with Mexico. -He could be the first President
in history to face a government shut down
in his first 100 days. -Okay, but are we sure the government
wasn't shutdown already? Because it was reported recently
that… Under Trump, our federal
government is staffed as well as Duane Reade
on a Sunday morning. Hello? Hello, I need my heart pills. Duane? Reade? So the White House is requesting
money for the border wall and the bill
that funds the government. But the crucial question is
will the president veto any bill that does not include
money for the wall? The government staying open
hangs on this question, so when the AP asked Trump
that question point-blank, this is what he said — and this
is his full unedited answer. As opposed to everything
up to that point, which had been
super [bleep] telligible. [ Laughter ] So let's get back — Let's get back
to his answer about the wall. I'll tell you one thing, that answer would have
definitely made a much tougher chant
at Trump rallies. Who's going to pay for the wall? We don't know yet.
People want the border wall. Your base definitely
wants to border wall. You're base really wants it.
We've been to many rallies. Unintelligible. [ Applause ] Now… Trump's answer on the wall
might be confusing for you for many reasons, including the fact that,
as you may recall, Trump promised repeatedly that
Mexico will pay for the wall. And on Sunday he took to Twitter
to settle the discrepancy with his signature bravado
declaring unequivocally that
without any hesitation that… Trump's tweets are starting to
sound like the fine print on a contest to win
a free cruise. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Trump was also asked
how much the wall would cost? And again
this is his real answer. Man, even the biggest sucker
at the used car lot knows to walk away when
the salesman says super-duper. [ Laughter ] And I'll tell you what,
I like you. I'm gonna throw
the undercoating for free. I just have to talk
to my manager, super-duper. Now publicly, Republicans
and the Trump administration have downplayed the risk
of a government shutdown over border wall funding. But privately,
they seem excited. One unnamed top White House
official told the New Yorker… We've all been saying "get outta
here, it's too ridiculous" for two years,
yet here he is. Get out of here! So, Trump… [ Cheers and applause ] So, Trump obviously has very few
concrete achievements to celebrate
his first 100 days. Which of course left Trump brag about the thing he loves to brag
about the most — ratings. In fact Trump is so enamored
by ratings, he's even basing major personnel
decisions on them. The Washington Post reported
yesterday that when the prospect
of firing Sean Spicer came up in a recent meeting,
Trump replied… Yeah, everyone tunes in
to watch Sean Spicer for the same reason this video
has 31 million views. [ Grunting ] [ Laughter ] Incidentally Trump just made
that guy Secretary of Pools. [ Laughter ] So Trump is facing a 100 day
milestone with virtually no successes
to brag about, which may be why, when asked
by reporters last week about
the sudden flurry of activity and how his administration
was doing as it neared
the 100 day deadline, he resorted to the most
meaningless platitudes possible. -It's going to be great.
It'll happen. -You're gonna do healthcare
and tax reform? -It'll happen.
We'll see what happens. No particular rush,
but we'll see with happens. But healthcare is coming along
well. Government is coming along
really well. [ Laughter ] -That's the President
of the United States saying government is coming along
really well. It's like going home to your
wife and saying, "Hello, wife, our marriage
is coming along really well." This has been "A Closer Look." [ Cheers and applause ]

🔵WFT!?! PROOF ALL Politicians Work for THIS Sinister ENTITY (NO EXCEPTIONS)



we cannot allow ourselves to be bullied out of our values anymore that's great advice Cortez because part of the values I don't want to be bullied out of by the likes of people like you is the right to keep and bear whatever arm I want to keep in bear it's a beautiful sunny windy day here in Tahlequah Oklahoma and in the background we have a brand new casino that they build a little ways down the street for me so that people can spend their hard-earned Federal Reserve notes hoping to strike it rich when most of them never do now what I like to do is I like to take my bike just clear my mind clear my thoughts put on the headphones do a little research for the next video kind of contemplate the vicissitudes of life do the things that you really need when you go out biking is it's a nice on fluoridated water and some sort of recording device because you never can tell when a government functionary is lurking around the corner ready to strip you of more of your rights one of the things I was thinking as I was biking down the road here was that if it's true I'm gonna be able to win here because it's it's true that I think Hitler coined the phrase or something similar to it but the more often you tell a lie the more likely it is to be received as truth if that's true then maybe the inverse is true the more and more you tell the truth the more likely it is to be accepted as truth why don't we try that and I know I've said this time and time again but the United States and the government in Mitsos send their own records right here check it out you want to look it up I'll leave a link in the description title 28 section 3 0 0 215 a the United States means a federal corporation I'm gonna say it again the United States means a federal corporation so everybody who's employed by that federal corporation is a corporate employee that means all 535 members of Congress Bernie Sanders Kamala Harris Cory Booker what's her what's her face you know see I'm going to stop calling her AOC I'm gonna start calling her a co2 because her carbon footprint is way bigger than mine and yours put together so a co2 Alexander Acacio Cortes is and all the rest are corporate employees what's one of the things that they say all the time on the campaign trail we've got a big corporation I think there is a profound anger in corporate greed politicians looking and allowing baby's blood to get poisoned in Flint for corporate profits that is what is too much for me corporations the big banks well guess what the big banks owned the big corporation known as the United States and Bernie Sanders and all the rest Alexander Acacio Cortez our employees of the corporation called the United States so it's very hypocritical very hypocritical now all these corporate employees are saying that we little people need to fight against the corporation's when they're the biggest corporations the biggest kid on the block and the biggest co2 emitters Alexander Cosmo Cortez Bernie Sanders Ted Cruz I don't care named him left right it doesn't matter these guys have a carbon footprint like I said in the last video that would rival the footprint of Godzilla and we have pissant footprints compared to them the hypocrisy is so freakin deep the lies and come so fast and so furious and so many people are so stupid and taking everything that they say is truth what are you what I said I'm the pin comment of my last video is that any time Bill Nye or aoc or Bernie Sanders or Andy fill-in-the-blank petty politician even your favorite politician anytime they speak it should be accompanied by a laugh track because these people are a bunch of Joker's it's a freak politics as a freaking joke it's the clever art politics is do you think euphemisms lies emotionalism and fear-mongering in order to you and me into accepting even demanding the chains of our own its label so Alexander of Casa Cortez you are a corporate employee you are hypocrite you are an echo unfriendly nincompoop you guys subscribe to the channel hit the bell notification icon give them a thumbs up share them with everybody you know and I'll see you guys in the next heavily censored shadow band video man gets more biking clear the old noodle do you guys enjoy these videos be sure to subscribe at the channel hit the bell notification icon give it a thumbs up and share it with everybody you know also check out over 100 hard-hitting designs in the shirt store and if you want to support more content hit me up on patreon or PayPal all those links will be in the description and in fin comment I'll see you guys in the next heavily censored shadow band video

The Wit & Wisdom of President Ronald Reagan



mr. president in talking about the continuing recession tonight you have blamed mistakes of the past and you blamed the Congress does any of the blame belong to you yes because for many years I was a Democrat told that this is all off the record and that the cameras are all off is that right I was told that because I've been waiting years to do this right here and tell you that one of my visits I won't name him I don't want to embarrass him but one of the heads of state that I met with on this visit he gave me one while I was on the way told me the story about the two fellows in the Soviet Union were walking down the street and the one of them says have we really achieved full communism is this it is this now full communism and the other one said oh hell knows things are gonna get a lot worse said that Castro was making a speech to a large assembly and he was going on at great length and then a voice out in the crowd said peanuts popcorn Cracker Jack and he went on speaking and again the voice said peanuts popcorn Cracker Jack and about the fourth time this happened he stopped in his regular speech and he said the next time he says that he says I'm gonna find out who he is and kick him all the way to Miami and everybody in the crowd said peanuts popcorn Soviet Union who went out to one of those state collective farms grabbed the first worker he came to said how are the crops always said the crops never been better just wonderful he said how about potatoes oh he said comrade commissar if we could put the potatoes in one pile they would reach the foot of God and the commissar said this is the Soviet Union there is no God he says that's all right there are no potatoes quotations about age comes from Thomas Jefferson he said that we should never judge a president by his age only by his work and ever since he told me that I've stopped we just show you how youthful I am I intend to campaign in all 13 States President Washington began this tradition in 1790 after reminding the nation that the destiny of self-government and the preservation of the sacred fire of Liberty is finally staked on the experiment entrusted to the hands of the American people for our friends in the press who plays a high premium on accuracy let me say I did not actually hear George Washington say we will not make age an issue of this campaign I am NOT going to exploit for political purposes my opponents youth and inexperience Russian arguing about their two countries and the Americans said look in my country I can walk into the Oval Office I can pound the president's desk and say mr. president I don't like the way you're running our country and a Russian said I can do that the Americans you can he says yes I can go into the Kremlin to the general secretary's office found his desk and say mr. general secretary I don't like the way President Reagan's running his country American dog and a Polish dog and a Russian dog they were all having a visit and the American dog was telling about how things were in this country he said you know you Barton you have to get bark long enough and then somebody comes along and gives you some meat and the Polish dog said what's meat Russian dog says oh it's bark the story of a fella who was running for office as a Republican and he was in a rural area and that wasn't known to be Republican and he stopped by a farm to do some campaigning and when the farmer heard he was a Republican his jaw dropped and he said wait right here till I go get more she's never seen a Republican before so he got her and the candidate looked around for a podium from which to give his speech and the only thing he could find was a pile of that stuff that Bess Truman took 35 years trying to get Harry to call fertilizer so he got up on the mound and when they came back he gave his speech and at the end of it the farmer said that's the first time I ever heard a Republican speech and the candidate said that's the first time I've ever given a Republican speech from a Democratic platform about having you here is that I get to tell a farm joke now first I need a setting but Tim ricke you're from Kansas right you bet okay this takes place in Kansas was an old Kansas farmer there he had a piece of creek bottom land that had never been developed at all it was all rocks and brush and all messed up and he started in on it clearing it the underbrush and hauling away the rocks then cultivating the soil there and he planted a garden everything from vegetables onto corn and and it really became a garden spot he was pretty proud of what he'd done so one Sunday morning in church after the service he asked the preacher if he wouldn't stop by to have a look well preacher arrived and he took one look and he said oh this is wonderful he said these are the biggest tomatoes I've I have ever seen praise the Lord he said those green beans that squash those melons he said the Lord really has blessed this place and look at the height of that corn he said that God has really been been good and the old boy was listening to all this and he was getting more and more fidgety and finally he blurted out Reverend I wish you coulda seen it when the Lord was doing it by himself lawyer said to him while you were lying there at the scene of the accident didn't someone come up to you and ask you how you were feeling and didn't you answer that you never felt better in your life well he said yeah yes I guess I remember that that happening well later on redirect another lawyer was asking the question and he said what were the circumstances when you gave that answer as to how you felt well he said I was lying there and he said a car came up and a deputy sheriff got out he said my horse was neighing with pain and kicking at two broken legs the deputy sheriff put the gun in his ear and and put the horse out of his misery he said my dog had a broken back and was whining with pain and he went over did the same thing but there and shot him then he came over to me and said no how you feeling just down at the entrance of his building there was an elderly lady selling pretzels and every day he'd go by and he'd put a quarter down and never take a pretzel go on in he was being very charitable this went on for some time and he came along one day put down his quarters started and she took him by the arm and he looked at her and he said well you probably want to know why for this full year I've been leaving 25 cents on the plate not taking a pretzel and she said no I just wanted to tell you the pretzels of 35 cents now those leaves sticking out the side of the cliff and looked down 300 feet to the canyon floor below and then looked up and said lord if there's anyone up there give me faith tell me what to do and a voice from the heavens said if you have faith let go he looked down to the canyon floor and then took another look up and says is there anyone else up the importance of communication and how much a part it plays and what you and I what all of us are trying to do and one day a former place kicker with the Los Angeles Rams who later became a sports announcer Danny Villanueva told me about communications he said he'd been having dinner over at the home of young ball player with the Dodgers the young wife was bustling about getting the dinner ready they were talking sports and the baby started to cry and over her shoulder his busy wife said to the ball player change the baby and he was a young felon he was embarrassed in front of Danny and he said what do you mean change the baby I'm a ballplayer that's not my line of work and she turned around put her hands on her hips and she communicated she said look Buster you lay the diaper out like a diamond you put second base on home plate you put the baby's bottom on the pitcher's mound you hook up first and third slide home underneath and if it starts to rain the game he'd called you start all over I thought you might like to say a few nice words to them they're all from the press and radio and television maybe just a friendly little greeting would do how about just a word or two something friendly even one kind word I'm thinking I'm thinking back road on his way to look at some property and suddenly notice down beside him was a chicken keeping pace with him and he was doing 60 miles an hour and suddenly the chicken spurred it out ahead of him and it looked to him as if the chicken had three legs and then it turned and went down a sign road and into a barnyard and the driver turned down that Lane drove into the barnyard was a farmer there and he asked me said did you see a chicken go by here and the farmer said yep he says did they have three legs and the farmer says yep I raised him that way I breed him he said you do he said how come well he said I just love the drumstick and always liked the drumstick now juniors come along and he likes it we just got tired of fighting over it so I've been reading three legged chickens my driver said well how do they taste he says I don't know I haven't been able to catch one yeah this fellow they've nominated claims he's the new Thomas Jefferson well let me tell you something I knew Thomas Jefferson he was a friend of mine and governor you're no Thomas California I plan to lean back kick up my feet and take a long nap I come to think of it things won't be all that different after all the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma they end up taking up a hospital bed it costs when if they just give you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment and a breathalyzer or emulator not a breathalyzer what they'll say is well it costs too much money but you know what it would cost but it would cost about the same as what we would spend it over the course of 10 years it would cost what it costs us it alright okay we're going to be it would cost us about the same as it would cost for about hold on one second I can't hear myself but I'm glad you're fired out though I'm glad I shut up you you

Donald Trump DESTROYED By President Obama



there's a vicious rumor floating around that I think could really hurt Mitt Romney I heard he passed universal health care when he was governor of Massachusetts someone should get to the bottom of that and I know just the guy to do it Donald Trump is here tonight now I know that he's taken some flak lately but no one is happier no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald and that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter why did we fake the moon landing what really happened in Roswell and where are Biggie and Tupac all kidding aside obviously we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience for example no seriously just recently in an episode of Celebrity Apprentice at the steakhouse the men's cooking team did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks and there was a lot of blame to go around but you mr. Trump recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership and so ultimately you didn't blame little Jon or meatloaf you fired Gary Busey and these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night handled sir well handled say what you will about mr. Trump he certainly would bring some change to the White House see what we've got up there