M. Night Shyamalan Pranked His Mother-in-Law with the Fake Baby from Servant

-How are you?
-I’m good. I was backstage,
and Tiffany twerked for me. -Yeah.
-I mean, it’s good. -Well, wait. You were backstage
probably looking for Migos on your phone being like,
“I have to have this ready…” -No, she did it without music. -She’s a very kind person.
-Yes. -You’re obviously — You’re
known for being a film director. It’s very exciting to have you
producing a television series, directing some episodes. This is,
as one might expect from you, a fairly haunting idea
about a — [ Laughs ]
I don’t know why I’m laughing. It’s a couple
who’s suffered a tragic loss. -Yeah.
-There’s a nanny. Explain the concept real quick
and how it came about. -You know, I get offered certain
things to either, you know, write, rewrite.
or direct or produce. And this particular idea
came to me of a couple
that had lost a child, and they do this very fringe
therapy, this very rare therapy. It’s actually a real therapy,
where they take a doll and pretend that their child
is still alive and to help with
the emotions and all. And it’s such a tragic
kind of setup. And it’s very eerie
in and of itself. And this doll
that they’re using, the mom thinks
the child’s alive, and she believes it so much
that she hires a nanny. And then the nanny comes in,
and the nanny immediately starts treating the doll
like it’s alive. And so it’s a very eerie setup,
and so I was like, “I need to know
what happens to this couple.” -Yes.
-Yeah. -And that’s how you get into it.
-Yes. -I want to show a clip real
quick because this is sort of — Explain the clip
before we show it. Like — -Yeah, it’s — I can barely
show you guys anything about this show
without giving too much away, but this is in episode nine,
which I directed. And weird things are afoot. And strange things
are happening. And this is a moment, I believe, where she wakes up
in the middle of the day and the car alarm is going off
and it just won’t stop. And she’s trying
to find the key, and she finds the key,
and it just won’t stop. And there’s something
that’s going on that’s infecting their lives
in this house. -All right.
Let’s take a look real quick. [ Car alarm wailing,
horn blaring ] -[ Screaming ] [ Car alarm wailing,
horn blaring ] [ Alarm and horn stop ] ♪♪ -See, it’s very haunting.
You make very haunting films. It’s very distressing
to watch what you make. -Yeah. It’s a mystery,
and it’s been fun to do it in this long form like this
with Apple. It’s been — It’s been fun. -How do you —
Do you ever get scared when you’re watching something
that you have done? -I’m definitely — I’m — If you
watch a movie with me, if we were in a movie theater
together, I am the best audience member. I’m squirming, and I’m jumping,
and I’m like, “Oh, my gosh.
That happened to Kevin Hart? Oh, my gosh!” I’m definitely the guy that’s
totally reacting to everything. And even in my stuff,
when it’s working, I start to react like that,
as well. -And so — Obviously when you make a film
you do test screenings, you are watching
audience members. Are you looking for something
from an audience member when they’re watching
something you’ve made? -Well, it’s really interesting
’cause I make thrillers generally,
like, suspense thrillers. And what ends up happening — I
noticed this when I was younger, and I didn’t realize this was
actually a real thing. But as I’ve made more movies, it’s actually a science
what I’m telling you. So, you screen the first cut of
movie, and it’s really long. It has, like, everything in it.
It’s not paced correctly. And about 50 people
will go to the bathroom during the screening
of the movie. They’ll just get up and go
at some point in the movie. And as you make the movie
and you keep on doing it, then 30 people
go to the bathroom. And the time next,
there’s 20 people, and then 10 people,
then 4 people. And then the last cut of the
movie when it’s ready to go out, it’s two people,
and they’re running, and they’re backwards-watching
the screen as they go to the bathroom. And what’s really interesting
is that, like, you stop thinking about yourself when you’re
completely connected to the movie
and like 500 people forget they needed to go
to the bathroom. -Yeah, I mean, I guess the
perfect movie would just be everybody goes
in their pants, yeah. -Yeah, I’ve never —
never achieved that. -Never achieved that. Yeah. -I’ve never achieved that
Depends level of success. -I do, as would be expected,
like — You know, you mentioned
that it’s like a baby doll. The baby doll, though, is —
We have a photo of it. It is little bit,
I think, more lifelike than people may have expected. [ Audience awws ]
That’s a real — Yeah, exactly. And on set,
I would imagine it’s fairly — As far as props go,
it’s probably fairly creepy. -That is the doll
that they use in the therapy. We had one made for us,
and it’s — It literally moves, and it sits
with you like a real doll. My mother-in-law, who lives
in India, came to visit me, and I was showing her
my offices. And me being
a really bad son-in-law, I decided to trick her. And so we were walking through
the offices, and I went, “Oh, my — Oh, my God!
Someone left a baby!” -Oh, Jesus.
-“Oh, my God.” And she was like, you know —
She’s an older Indian woman. And I was like, “Oh, my God!” And she was, “Oh, no!
Oh, my God! Ohh!” And then I was like,
“Who would do this?! Who would do this?!” And she was like,
“What is this?!” And I handed it to her,
and she starts cradling it ’cause it weighs and it moves
just like a baby, and she starts tearing up,
and I’m like, “This has gone too far.”
-Yeah. -And I said, “I’m just kidding.” -Do you not get this enough
from your work? -“I’m just kidding.
It’s not real.” And she keeps on — she keeps on
doing this as she’s like — It’s a doll, and you can’t stop. Your body won’t stop because it feels and looks like
a real doll. I’m sorry I did that to her.

Trump Threatens War Crimes Against Iran: A Closer Look

-Well, it looks like
2020 is off to a great start. For more on this,
it’s time for “A Closer Look.” [ Theme music plays ] [ Cheers and applause ] I’m just [Bleep] with you.
2020 is already the worst. [ Laughter ] The sky in Australia
is blood red, thanks to a climate crisis; Republicans are trying to rig
the impeachment trial; and the president is threatening
more crimes on Twitter. We’re less than a week
into 2020. The world is like
your friend who tells you this is the year he’s going to
quit drugs and take up yoga, and then, on January 6th, you see him trying to
sell his mat for crack. [ Laughter ] I mean, we should have at least
been able to come together and enjoy the Patriots getting
knocked out of the playoffs, and the first round at home. [ Cheers and applause ] I mean, finally, Bill Belichick
was as sad as his outfit. For a guy who’s supposed to be
good at clock management, he always looks like he woke up
five minutes before game time. And you know, we couldn’t even
take 24 hours to savor that small victory, because the president
spent the weekend threatening war crimes
against Iran after ordering the assassination
of a top Iranian general and then, in Orwellian fashion, claiming he did it
to stop a war. -Breaking news this morning. The U.S. has carried out
the assassination of a top Iranian military and
intelligence commander. The president ordered this. It was carried out by drone
last night in Iraq. -His name was Qasem Soleimani. He was Iran’s
top military commander. -I went to a State Department
briefing today, a background briefing,
and the officials basically said the ball is in Iran’s court, and
we are trying to de-escalate. Actually, one official said this
was an act of de-escalation. -We took action last night
to stop a war. We did not take action
to start a war. -Trump thinks we can’t accuse
him of rushing into a war if he reads his TelePrompTer
super slowly. [ Laughter ] You can’t just kill a top
general of a sovereign nation and call it de-escalation.
That’s like getting drunk and driving your car
into a Kmart and then telling the cops,
“I did it to stop my car.” [ Laughter ] Trump and his allies are lying
in the exact same ways the Bush administration
lied us into a catastrophic war in Iraq nearly 17 years ago, and the exact same people
are doing it. After the attack Fox News
decided to turn to their stable of
lumpy white guys who have been wrong
about anything, like Lindsey Graham, a champion
of the Iraq war, and former Bush officials
and serial liars Ari Fleischer and Karl Rove. Why are these
the best experts we can get? This is like doing a segment
on organizing music festivals and interviewing
Billy McFarland and Ja Rule. And the same people are
trotting out the same lies they did 17 years ago.
For example, Vice President Mike Pence lied and tried to link Soleimani
to 9/11 in a tweet that was not supported
by the evidence. And if that sounds
familiar to you, it’s because it’s right out of the playbook of George W. Bush
and Donald Rumsfeld, who repeatedly linked
Saddam Hussein to al-Qaeda and
other terrorist groups without providing any evidence. -The reason I keep insisting
that there was a relationship between Iraq and Saddam
and al-Qaeda — because there was a relationship
between Iraq and al-Qaeda. -There are reports
that there is no evidence of a direct link
between Baghdad and some of these
terrorist organizations. -Reports that say
that something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me because, as we know,
there are known knowns. There are things
we know we know. We also know
there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there
are some things we do not know. But there are also
unknown unknowns — the ones we don’t know
we don’t know. -Excuse me, but is this
an unknown unknown? [ Laughter ] -I’m not —
-There are several unknowns — -I’m not going to say
which it is. -Oh, you’re not going to say,
so it’s unknown whether it’s
an unknown unknown. But one known that we do know
is what Trump knows, which is a known unknown, because he un-knows
what he doesn’t know. Meaning we know
he knows no knowns. [ Laughter ]
It’s amazing. [ Cheers and applause ] It’s amazing that we found a way to elect people who think
these guys have the right idea. It’s like if, 17 years from now, someone made a movie
called “Cats 2” — this time with genitals. [ Laughter ] So, Pence lied, just like
Bush and Rumsfeld lied. But, hey, at least
this isn’t the first time Mike Pence has been wrong about a disastrous war
in the Middle East. -I am here to report, as the United States military
confirmed in Iraq on Monday, weapons of mass destruction
have been found in Iraq. -It’s fitting
that 16 years later, Pence is telling the same lies, because 16 years later,
he looks the exact same. I mean, I’m pretty sure
he’s just a stock-photo businessman
come to life. When he takes off his shirt, it says “Getty Images”
across his chest. [ Laughter and applause ] So, the Trump administration
tried to link Soleimani to 9/11. They also claimed they were
stopping an imminent threat. But if that’s true,
they haven’t presented any evidence of that threat
to Congress or the public. In fact, a “The New York Times”
reporter tweeted that the evidence
for such a threat was razor-thin.
And “The times” also wrote that national security experts
and even other officials at the Pentagon
said they were unaware of anything drastically new
about Iranian behavior in recent weeks.
But that’s not good enough for “Fox & Friends”
host Ainsley Earhardt, who said today that we just
have to trust the intelligence agencies.
-So interesting that people are critical
of the president’s decisions, of our intelligence community’s
decisions, our generals’ decisions.
-They want details. -General Tata said —
Well, they can’t have it. They can’t —
Everything can’t be made public. We heard Pompeo
over the weekend saying, “Everything that we have, the
intelligence community has” — he said, “I ran the CIA
at one point. We can’t release everything. We can’t release all of our
intelligence information. We’ll release as much as we can, but you just have to
trust us, basically.” -Oh, we just have to trust them? I’m sorry, but I’m not inclined
to trust an administration that lies about everything,
even the most dumbest thing. Let’s not forget, this is
the same guy who literally drew a circle on an official
weather map, in Sharpie, to claim that Alabama was
going to get hit by a hurricane and then pretended he had
no idea how it got there. Can you imagine if Trump
actually tries to present
some evidence against Iran? [ As Trump ]
“I have it right here — the top-secret
intelligence briefing that proves I was right. It says, ‘Iran bad,’
right there.” [ Laughter ] “Right there.”
[ Applause ] [ Normal voice ]
So, there you go. You heard “Fox & Friends.” We have to trust our
intelligence agencies. I wonder, though, if she felt
the same way back in May, when the intelligence agencies
were investigating Trump. What? No, she didn’t? Oh, and the next clip
proves it? Oh, why are you telling me?
You ruined the surprise. Alright, well,
let’s just show it anyway. -There was a Fox News poll,
and folks were asked how likely intelligence
agencies, like the FBI, broke the law
to investigate President trump. Look at that. 58% said “extremely,” “very,”
or “somewhat,” and only 31% said “not at all,”
so that just shows you — -And you get that number when
you add up the first three. -That’s pretty scary
that we can’t trust the FBI. -What?! We can’t? But that lady on the news
just a second ago said we can! [ Laughter ]
Wait a second! Oh, my God, one of two things
is happening here. Either Trump supporters are
self-serving hypocrites who defend intelligence agencies
when they want to bomb other countries,
but attack them when they investigate
the president’s crimes, or Ainsley Earhardt
has an evil twin! [ Laughter ] [ Suspenseful music plays ] [ Applause ] Now, if you’re
a Trump supporter out there, claiming anyone who opposes
this act of war is siding with the enemy,
let’s just remember, this is the same president
who literally said he and Kim Jong-un,
a brutal dictator who starves and tortures
his own people, quote, “fell in love because
of Kim’s beautiful letters.” Trump actually said that
about a brutal dictator. He sounds like a Southern belle
meeting suitors at a cotillion. “My dear Beauregard,
I fell in love with you after your beautiful letters.” [ Laughter ] I’m pretty sure most people hadn’t even heard
Soleimani’s name until recently, and that includes Trump himself,
who was asked about him in a radio interview in 2015 and
clearly had no idea who he was. -Are you familiar
with General Soleimani? -Yes. Go ahead.
Give me a little. Go ahead, tell me. -He runs the Quds Forces.
-Yes, okay. Right. -Do you expect —
-And I think the Kurds, by the way, have been harshly
mistreated by us. -No, not the Kurds,
the Quds Forces — the Iranian
Revolutionary Guard Quds Forces, the bad guys.
-Yes, right. -Do you expect his behavior
to change as a result — -Oh, I thought you said “Kurds.” -I love —
I love how Trump tried to pretend he knew who he was,
even though he clearly didn’t. “Do you know General Soleimani?” [ As Trump ] Yeah — No, I do. But I want to see
if you know who he is. [ Normal voice ]
Clearly, this was a reckless act
by an impulsive president who hasn’t thought through
any of the consequences. But a lot of people,
including prominent Democrats, are also asking, “Why now? Why would a president who’s
facing an impeachment trial, and mounting evidence
of his guilt suddenly start a war with Iran as he heads into
an election year. I wonder if 2011-2012
Donald Trump had anything to say about that when it came
to President Obama. -I say that he starts
a war in Iran before the election, which will make it very hard
for the Republican to win, okay? And I’ve said that,
and I predicted that. He doesn’t talk to anybody.
He’ll start a war. You know, lives will be wasted
for no reason. I happen to think
that the president is going to start
a war with Iran. I think it will be a short-term
popular thing to do, and I think he’s going to
do that for political reasons. Our president will start
a war with Iran because he has absolutely
no ability to negotiate. He’s weak, and he’s ineffective.
So the only way he figures that he’s going to
get re-elected, and as sure
as you’re sitting there, is to start a war with Iran. I believe
that he will attack Iran sometime prior to the election
because he thinks that’s the only way
he can get elected. Isn’t it pathetic?
-Yes, it is. The thing about Trump is
that he never tells the truth about himself in the present, but he always tells the truth
about himself like 10 years in advance. When he accuses people of
crossing the border illegally, that means, 10 years from now,
he’s going to get caught climbing over his wall,
trying to flee to Mexico. [ As Trump ] David, uh,
why did we make it so tall? [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ] So,
it’s already terrifying that the president is
impulsively lurching into an unjust and unmoral war, and then, on Sunday,
he decided to go even further and threaten war crimes
against Iran with a truly psychotic tweet
that he genuinely thought counted as some sort of
official legal document. Here is the very real tweet the president
of the United States sent out on Sunday. “These media posts
will serve as notification to the United States Congress
that should Iran strike any
U.S. person or target, the United States will quickly
and fully strike back and perhaps in a
disproportionate manner. Such legal notice
is not required but is given nevertheless.”
That’s right. The same guy who brought you
such tweets as, “Robert Pattinson
should dump Kristen Stewart,” and, “I have never seen a thin
person drinking diet Coke,” now thinks his tweets serve as official
legal notice to Congress. I don’t think this tweet counts as legal notice to commit
an act of war, but I do think it counts as legal notice
to have you committed. That tweet sounds like something that could be scrawled
on the walls of a psych ward. “Let this serve
as a legal notice that I know you’re hiding pills
in my applesauce, and I will find them
and sue you for malpractice.” [ Applause ]
And by the way, threatening a disproportionate
response is a war crime, just like when Trump tweeted
the previous day that, “If Iran strikes any
Americans or American assets, we have targeted
52 Iranian sites, some at a very high level and important to Iran
and the Iranian culture. And those targets
and Iran itself will be hit
very fast and very hard.” First of all,
it’s not reassuring when the president tweets
in all caps like a lunatic who sees his ex-girlfriend
posting pictures of herself with another guy,
and texts her at 3:00 a.m., “Who is Brad?
Why are you in Cabo? I will hit him
very fast and very hard!” A war with Iran would be
unjust and immoral, cause mass death and suffering, and destabilize
the region and the world. And Trump obviously
hasn’t thought about, or doesn’t care about,
those consequences, because, by all accounts, he made this decision
impulsively, to the surprise of his own
top military officials. “The New York Times” reported
that they were stunned, flabbergasted, and alarmed
when trump chose the option of killing Soleimani. Apparently,
Trump’s military advisers put the option
on one PowerPoint slide to make the other options
seem more reasonable, not actually thinking
he would pick it. One briefing slide
shown to Trump listed several follow-up steps
the U.S. could take, among them targeting Soleimani. Unexpectedly,
Trump chose that option. Oh, oh, did Donald Trump
do the unexpected… [ Laughter ]
…instead of the reasonable? Did you guys
not get a briefing on him? You can’t expect
the reasonable choice from the guy who
stared into a eclipse, and when his umbrella
got caught, just left it on the stairs. [ Laughter and applause ] Congress must do
everything in its power to stop an unjust and immoral
war with Iran that will have
disastrous consequences. That’s why thousands of
protesters took to the streets over the weekend
in cities across the country to say no to war with Iran. We have an impulsive, lawless
president threatening war crimes, who thinks his tweets count
as official legal documents. You got to ask…
-Isn’t it pathetic? -This has been
“A Closer Look.” [ Theme music plays ]

Ice T Addresses Why He Never Ate a Bagel Before Law & Order: SVU

-Before we get into
“SVU” stuff — congrats and everything — I want to talk about
Ice-T quickly. I don’t know
if you heard this, but there was a big… covfefe on Twitter about you
never having a bagel before. Never…
-Yeah, true. -You’ve never eaten a bagel? -I had never eaten a bagel. I’ve eaten one
since then. But what happened was,
on the show, they wanted me
to eat a bagel. I said,
“I don’t eat bagels.” So… [ Laughter ] But it was in the script. So, you know,
I just did it. -Yeah.
-So, then, somebody… But I acted like I ate it.
I didn’t eat it. So, then, on Twitter,
somebody goes, “Why that kind of bagel?” I said, “Because it was
in the script.” Then, they said,
“What’s your favorite?” And I said,
“I’ve never had a bagel.” And then, everybody lost
their Goddamn mind. [ Laughter ] And then, I said,
“I’ve never had coffee, either.” So, I don’t know why that’s
so hard for people to believe. -…two weird things.
One is that you’ve never had a bagel bef–
-Why? Why? Look. Look.
I’m from South Central. Could you imagine Snoop singing,
“Rolling down the street smoking indo,
eating some lox and bagels”? [ Laughter ] It don’t work.
-You never know. -That’s not how it
happened for me. It didn’t happen
like that for me. -I understand. But through your life,
you’ve been on sets. I’m assuming there’s food
on the sets. -There’s a lot of stuff
I won’t eat on the set. I just never ate one.
So, I ate one the other day. I did an actual commercial
for a dating site called “Coffee Meets Bagel,”
or something. And — and —
and basically, I ate one. And it tasted like —
one bite, it felt like I ate
a loaf of bread. [ Laughter ] Why would I eat
an unsweetened doughnut? I’m okay with it.
Coffee’s cool. I’m good.
I like jelly doughnuts. Let’s keep it moving. [ Laughter ] -It’s all wrapped up. -I know,
but I’m interested in this. What’s your thought
on coffee? Just so we don’t have to ever
talk about it again,
what was your thoughts — -Black coffee —
why would someone do that to themselves? Okay? [ Laughter ] They put some cream.
They put a little sugar in it. I got it. It’s cool. I prefer tea —
not because my name is Ice-T. I just prefer tea. [ Laughter ] Black people like sweet stuff,
just in case you didn’t know. We don’t drink unsweetened tea,
stuff like that. White people do that.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ] Black people like
sweet things. -Yeah, but —
-Can I live? -Yes. You can definitely live.
-Can I live? -I don’t know why everyone
freaked out, either, but just, it sounded
very interesting. -Okay, talk to Mariska
about that other stuff. -Uh… Mariska… you’ve had a bagel before?
No, I’m just kidding. -I have to say — I couldn’t
believe that anybody cared. I didn’t understand why people
cared if Ice had a bagel or not. -It’s just fun.
-Is it? -It’s fun. -Have you ever had a sardine?
-Yeah. -I love sardines.
-Some people — My wife had never eaten
a cheeseburger till she was 31. And then, I go,
“‘Cause she was a vegetarian.” And they go,
“Oh, I understand.” [ Laughter ] Some old dumb — listen. Eat what you want to eat. -Oh, my gosh.
-I’ve eaten a lot of things. -I don’t think
you’re over it yet. [ Laughter ] -We brought a therapist
on to the show. -[ Mumbles ] Let’s talk about you guys,
first of all. What was your first impression
of Ice-T when you first met him? -Well, I was so nervous
to meet Ice-T, ’cause he was a rapper.
He was OG. He was, like, the man.
He was the rapper. And so — I didn’t even know
what OG meant back in the day. [ Laughter ] But I was excited about it. “The og is coming.
The og is coming.” -“The og.”
You don’t pronounce it — -It took you guys minutes.
-You don’t pronounce it “og.” -How do you mean?
How you mean? I’m not following. -You don’t pronounce “the og.” So, he came on the show, and
he was the sweetest, kindest, most open — we call him
“the philosopher” on the show. And it was… such a joy,
and it’s been for 20 years, and an education, for me.
-Yeah. -He’s taught me about
so many things, and… -Good for you.
-Yeah. Really. I mean, really.
-20 years. -We’re very fortunate,
you know, to be on a show that, you know,
everyone likes each other. Everyone gets along. 20 years is a long time,
and you know, it’s… a very cool
work environment. Mariska’s the best. -Do you feel that way —
’cause at first, did you think you were gonna
work on the show for 20 years? -I came on for 4 episodes.
-Wow. -Yeah. And then, they —
then, they kiss-kick you. They go,
“Well, we don’t know if you’re working out
with Belzer.” You know,
“We don’t know.” And then, they go,
“But we’d like you to stay.” And I’m like, “Well, you try
getting along with Belzer in four episodes.”
You know? [ Laughter ] And so, then,
they asked me to stay. And I’ve been there,
and I’m happy, and I’m not going nowhere
till she’s gone. -We’re sticking together.
-You’ve got to stick together. -We’re sticking together. -You work great —
you work well together. Why stop it?
-We do. It’s been so — It’s just been such a crazy
surprise journey and gift. -You’re one season away —
one year away — from being the longest
running drama in the history
of television. -Yeah.
-In history. [ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah.
-I mean, if… If you guys do that,
how cool will that be? -So cool. Yeah. -It’s cool. -Whoa.
[ Stammers ] Oh, it’s gonna be
that cool. [ Cheers and applause ] You’ve never had a bagel,
but you’ve been wearing a reverseable jacket
the whole time. That is cool, right there.
Come on. It’s gonna be great,
and I just… Thank you for all
the entertainment, and all the cool things.
We love you guys.

David Holmes Testifies That US Diplomats Didn’t Want to Work with Rudy Giuliani

-Let’s get to the news. Today was third and final day of this week’s public
impeachment hearings. “Finally!” said Devin Nunes,
only to find his car wouldn’t start, his
phone died, he had to walk home, and he couldn’t stop
stepping in buckets. [ Laughter ]
U.S. Embassy Staffer
David Holmes testified this morning
that U.S. diplomats did not wanna work
with Rudy Giuliani, with EU Ambassador
Gordon Sondland once saying, “Every time Rudy gets involved, he goes and effs everything up.” [ Laughter ]
It’s true. I mean, for example, here’s what New York City looked
like before Rudy was mayor. [ Laughter ] During last night’s debate,
Senator Amy Klobuchar touted her fundraising ability and claimed she set
an all-time Senate record by bringing in $17,000
from ex-boyfriends. [ Laughter ]
So, either she has one or two wealthy exes or… she freaky. [ Laughter, clapping ] Former Vice President
Joe Biden’s campaign sent out a fundraising
email yesterday, asking supporters to evaluate
his debate performance six hours before the debate
actually took place. Said Biden, “Damn, and with
the election next week!” [ Laughter, clapping ] Senator Cory Booker last night attacked former
Vice President Joe Biden for coming out
against marijuana legalization and said Biden’s opposition
was so ridiculous, “I thought you might’ve been
high when you said it.” [ Laughter ] Really? I mean, it’s hard
to accuse someone else of being high
when you’re polling at 1% and you start every sentence
with “When I’m president…” [ Laughter, clapping ] [laughing] Google is
rolling out a new feature for its Google Docs app that
will study users’ past writing to suggest personalized
sentence completions. Donald Trump tried it out
and the app killed itself. [ Laughter ] [ Cheering and applause ] Authorities in Florida
arrested a man on Tuesday who allegedly robbed a bank
while wearing a Make America Great Again
T-shirt. Said the police,
“Could you describe the man? I mean, other than he’s white. We know that.
We get that. [ Laughter ]
We know that already.” And, finally, the adult website
Pornhub announced today it will offers users
a $300 lifetime subscription on Black Friday. It’s the perfect gift
for that special someone who’s too dumb to find free porn on the Internet.
[ Laughter ]

What Does Millennial Late Night Writer Karen Chee Know: MC Hammer, Thigh Masters

One of our writers, Karen,
is 24 years old. To give you an idea
of how young that is, the same year I joined
the cast of “SNL,” Karen joined a taekwondo class
for first graders. As a result,
she has a much different frame of reference
than a lot of us. So we thought we’d find out
exactly what Karen knows about the past in a segment
called “What Does Karen Know?” ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Hey.
-Welcome back, Karen. -Hi. Yeah.
-I always enjoy this so much. I’m going to show you a photo, and you’re going to try
to tell us what or who it is. -Okay.
-Are you ready? -I’m ready.
-Okay. -[ Gasps ] Oh. Um…
Okay. It’s a person who dressed up
to look like the thing he won. A costume for Halloween? -You think — No, it was not —
This is — This is — I’ll give you
the first two initials. -Okay.
-M.C. -Hammer.
-Yeah! [ Cheers and applause ] He — He designed
his own line of pants. Those are called Hammer pants.
-Okay. -And he was a forerunner of the
#MeToo movement because he was very insistent that
you should not touch this. -I see what you did.
And I like it. -You like it.
-Yeah, that was cool. [ Laughs ] Oh, my God. Okay. It’s clearly called My Buddy.
-Okay. -And it couldn’t —
-Good job, guys. -Oh, is it actually called
My Buddy? -Yeah. -Is it a haunted doll?
-No. This is actually supposed to be a friendly toy
that you would play with. -Oh.
-And, yeah, it had a song. It was on — There were
commercials all the time. ♪ My buddy, my buddy ♪ ♪ Wherever he goes,
I’m gonna go ♪ Or something like that.
I don’t know. But, yeah,
but then they had to — They recalled it because
it kept murdering people. [ Laughter ] -Did you have one?
-I didn’t have a My Buddy. -Okay.
-Yeah. Um… -That’s too bad.
-Yeah. I mean, I asked. [ Laughter ] What’s that? -Oh. Well, it’s not what
I initially thought it was. -Well, instead — “Karen
After Dark,” we’re gonna — -Okay. It’s something to make
your inner thighs stronger? -Yes! Now, what would you
call a product that makes your inner thighs
stronger? -Stronger Thighs! Thigh Man. -Thigh Man is very close.
-Oh. -Thigh — First two letters
of that are right. Thigh M-A… -Thigh Madam? -Thigh Madam? -Thigh. Thigh…
-Thigh mas… -Master? -Yeah!
-Wow. -Very good.
-I got it. -And the key to the Thigh Master
was you had to use it in an all-white room
with a white chair. -Very cool, very cool.
-Very cool, very cool. Who dat? -Um, uh, somebody
who did a bad thing. But also depending on how
this photo was taken, maybe he was married? -Married? -In case it was like a flip —
It’s his wedding ring? Never mind. Forget I said it.
-All right. So, you know how this is — So this doesn’t mean
anything to you? -Um, I mean, no.
-Okay. -In the ’90s, this person was
known by 75% of all Americans. Isn’t that crazy? -George W. Bush. [ Laughter ] Sorry. ’90s.
George H.W. Bush. -Yeah.
-Yes. Thank you. -Right. No, yeah. That’s right. So you know how sometimes
you have a house guest and they’re really irritating?
-Yes. -Well, sometimes you’re the
house guest and the people you’re staying with
are the problem. -Did he murder somebody? -No, he’s —
His name was Kato Kaelin. And he — he was a house guest
for a football player. -Oh. -And that’s all you need to know
because, uh… I feel like
there are certain things your generation
doesn’t need to hear about. -Okay.
-All right. Is it my turn? -Yes, it’s your turn.
-Okay. -I’m going to show you stuff
that you haven’t seen. -There you go. Or maybe I have.
I’m cool and young. -Um, okay. I just forgot.
You sign my paychecks. You’re so cool, so young. Okay. Do you know what this is? -Well, those are sneakers.
-Yes. -Oh, but they have
that roller thing. So they’re, like, skate shoes? -Yeah! Do you know
what they’re called? -Um, Thigh Masters.
-Yes! They’re called Heelys.
-Heelys. -Yeah.
-Oh, that’s really cool. Yeah. -They’re really awesome.
-Were you good? Did you have a pair of Heelys?
-I did have a pair of Heelys. I really wanted them
in first grade. And my parents made me wait
until I was in second grade, because I was very small
for my size. -But it seems to me Heelys would
be better if you were small, ’cause then if you fell down,
you’d be closer to the ground. -Oh. That’s actually
a really good point. -I’d be a better parent
than your parents. -Yeah, that’s fair.
Okay, the next one is — Do you know who that is? -Um —
-Wow. They know. -People know. I mean, I — You know, I — I mean, I don’t know
the context of this. I’m going to assume
it’s a penguin. I mean, I know that much.
-Yes, absolutely. -I don’t know why — Yeah.
-Why he’s there. -Why you would need
to have this. -Okay. First off,
because it’s awesome. -Okay. Is it a toy? -I actually don’t think
they ever made merch for it. But basically it’s part of this
website called Club Penguin. -Okay.
-And you can go on and hang out. And you can have
your own penguin and then play a lot of games
and then chat with strangers. -Wow.
-Yeah. -So it seems like
a gateway to abduction? -Yeah! That’s pretty much it. -And what’s his name?
What’s this penguin’s name? -Well, you get to name
your own penguin. -Gotcha. Did you do this?
-I did, yeah. -What was your penguin’s name?
-Mine was supposed to be Margot. But I forgot the “R”,
so it was just Magot. And I couldn’t change it. -And what grade were you in
when you were rocking Magot? -Well, I was too old.
I was in, like, eighth grade. [ Laughter ] -So you were on wheelies,
being a cool-ass dude when you were in second grade.
-Yes. -And then you just plummeted.
-I truly — Yeah, I peaked. I also skateboarded
in fourth grade. -Oh, my gosh.
So you were like, active, active,
virtual penguins. -Yeah.
-Thank you so much. That’s Karen, everybody. This has been
“What Does Karen Know?”

Trump’s First 100 Days and a Possible Government Shutdown: A Closer Look

-President Trump
has been scrambling for literally any kind
of positive achievement as he nears the end
of his first 100 days in office. Meanwhile, he and Congress are
facing down an imminent deadline to avoid a government shutdown. For more on this,
it’s time for “A Closer Look.” [ Cheers and applause ] Trump is nearing
the 100 day milestone with record low approval ratings and a White House
in constant chaos, which means today
was the perfect day for a jovial, well-rested
former President Obama to show up in Chicago
for his first public appearance after leaving office
and say this. -So, uh… what — what’s been going on
while I’ve been gone? [ Laughter ] [ Chuckles sarcastically ] Everything! Everything has been going on. Of course, after that comment,
Obama threw on some shades, kite surfed
out of the auditorium and yelled,
“Somebody get me a mai tai.” But Obama’s first
post-election public appearance was especially well-timed, because Saturday will mark the
100th day of Trump’s presidency. Which is traditionally
when presidents get their first big report card
on their performance so far. And this will shock you. Most people
think he’s not doing great. -We have our brand-new NBC News
Wall Street Journal
poll so tell us
just how Americans think the president is doing
as we approach Day 100. In short, not well. -The worst approval ratings
around the 100 day mark for any president
in modern times. -He laid out a very detailed
100 day contract he called it — Obamacare, tax reform,
border wall funding, infrastructure spending,
new trade tariffs, labeling China
a currency manipulator, ending the common core
education standards. 100 days in or one week
from 100 days anyway, incomplete at best. None of this,
none of this has been done. -None of this has been done. If this were a movie,
it would be called “100 Dayz and Confused.” Now, the polls did have one bit
of good news for Trump, which if a new election
were held today, Trump would win over Clinton
43% to 40%. And of course, Trump could not help but brag
about those numbers, tweeting yesterday… Still? Does he think he won
the popular vote the first time? Because I got news for you,
buddy. You can’t still do something
you’ve never done before. It’s like me saying
“It’s been 100 days, but Rihanna
would still go out with me. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Thank you for sticking with me. Nonetheless, the 100 day
report card is on the way. And like every terrible student, Trump is trying to turn an “F”
into an “A,” tweeting last week… Yeah, the 100 day report card
is an arbitrary, meaningless political milestone
that most people care about. Most people, that is,
except Donald Trump. -I propose the contract
with the American voter. It’s a set of promises for what
I’ll do in my first 100 days. What follows
is my 100 day action plan to make America great again. Just think about
what we can accomplish in the first 100 days
of a Trump administration. -And then after
you thought about it, tell me what you came up with,
because I’ve got nothing. [ Laughter,
cheers and applause ] So as the 100 day milestone
nears, Trump has failed to deliver on almost everyone of
his major legislative promises. Now, there are many reasons for
this including Trumps ignorance about the basic political
realities of governing. In fact Trump is so ignorant, he’s ignorant
of his own ignorance. For example, he apparently
just learned that there were
different factions within the Republican Party and talked about
as if it was a brilliant insight telling the AP
in an interview… Trump is like
an annoying 8-year-old kid that just got home from school. Did you know fish can breathe
underwater by using their gills? Yeah, Timmy, I did know that. Everybody knows that,
now go suck on your juice box. In fact, Trump even seems
to have trouble remembering the names
of Congressional leaders as we discover last week when he kept referring to
House Speaker Paul Ryan as Ron before catching himself
and trying to save it. -My thanks goes to Speaker Ryan who’s represented the city for
nearly two decades in Congress. And you know where he is? He’s with NATO, and —
So he has a good excuse. I said, “Ron,
make sure these countries start paying their bills
a little bit more. You know, they’re way,
way behind, Ron. I’m gonna talk to you
about that, Ron.” But, Paul,
you’re over with NATO, get them to pay their bills. -I said Ron, “I mean,
I’m talking to you, Ron. Your names not Ron?
I meant Don. I was talking to myself. Don, you’ve got to get them
to pay their bills. Good idea, Don.
Thank you, Don.” [ Laughter ] So, with less than a week
to the 100 day deadline, the Trump himself champion, the president
has failed to deliver on nearly every one of
his major legislative promises. How could things get any worse? -Shutdown showdown. -The White House is racing to avoid marking the president’s
first 100 days in office with a government shutdown. -If Congress doesn’t send
President Trump a the government funding
bill midnight on Friday, the government
will run out of money and a shutdown would begin. -A sticking point
as you may know is money for the wall
along our border with Mexico. -He could be the first President
in history to face a government shut down
in his first 100 days. -Okay, but are we sure the government
wasn’t shutdown already? Because it was reported recently
that… Under Trump, our federal
government is staffed as well as Duane Reade
on a Sunday morning. Hello? Hello, I need my heart pills. Duane? Reade? So the White House is requesting
money for the border wall and the bill
that funds the government. But the crucial question is
will the president veto any bill that does not include
money for the wall? The government staying open
hangs on this question, so when the AP asked Trump
that question point-blank, this is what he said — and this
is his full unedited answer. As opposed to everything
up to that point, which had been
super [bleep] telligible. [ Laughter ] So let’s get back — Let’s get back
to his answer about the wall. I’ll tell you one thing, that answer would have
definitely made a much tougher chant
at Trump rallies. Who’s going to pay for the wall? We don’t know yet.
People want the border wall. Your base definitely
wants to border wall. You’re base really wants it.
We’ve been to many rallies. Unintelligible. [ Applause ] Now… Trump’s answer on the wall
might be confusing for you for many reasons, including the fact that,
as you may recall, Trump promised repeatedly that
Mexico will pay for the wall. And on Sunday he took to Twitter
to settle the discrepancy with his signature bravado
declaring unequivocally that
without any hesitation that… Trump’s tweets are starting to
sound like the fine print on a contest to win
a free cruise. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Trump was also asked
how much the wall would cost? And again
this is his real answer. Man, even the biggest sucker
at the used car lot knows to walk away when
the salesman says super-duper. [ Laughter ] And I’ll tell you what,
I like you. I’m gonna throw
the undercoating for free. I just have to talk
to my manager, super-duper. Now publicly, Republicans
and the Trump administration have downplayed the risk
of a government shutdown over border wall funding. But privately,
they seem excited. One unnamed top White House
official told theNew Yorker…We’ve all been saying “get outta
here, it’s too ridiculous” for two years,
yet here he is. Get out of here! So, Trump… [ Cheers and applause ] So, Trump obviously has very few
concrete achievements to celebrate
his first 100 days. Which of course left Trump brag about the thing he loves to brag
about the most — ratings. In fact Trump is so enamored
by ratings, he’s even basing major personnel
decisions on them.The Washington Postreported
yesterday that when the prospect
of firing Sean Spicer came up in a recent meeting,
Trump replied… Yeah, everyone tunes in
to watch Sean Spicer for the same reason this video
has 31 million views. [ Grunting ] [ Laughter ] Incidentally Trump just made
that guy Secretary of Pools. [ Laughter ] So Trump is facing a 100 day
milestone with virtually no successes
to brag about, which may be why, when asked
by reporters last week about
the sudden flurry of activity and how his administration
was doing as it neared
the 100 day deadline, he resorted to the most
meaningless platitudes possible. -It’s going to be great.
It’ll happen. -You’re gonna do healthcare
and tax reform? -It’ll happen.
We’ll see what happens. No particular rush,
but we’ll see with happens. But healthcare is coming along
well. Government is coming along
really well. [ Laughter ] -That’s the President
of the United States saying government is coming along
really well. It’s like going home to your
wife and saying, “Hello, wife, our marriage
is coming along really well.” This has been “A Closer Look.” [ Cheers and applause ]

Maisie Williams Accidentally Drops a Major Spoiler in Game of Thrones’ Final Season

-Everyone’s probably asking you the same questions
about “Game of Thrones” and it’s the final season.
but I was gonna ask you, do you have a top five maybe iconic moments
of your character, of Arya’s moments on the show? -I do.
I mean, there are so many. But in terms of things
that have really defined her, I think number one would be
Ned’s beheading in season 1. That was what
spiraled her whole arc. -Yes. -And then she was with the Hound
for a long time. I think there was a line in
maybe season three where she was like, “One day,
I’m gonna stick a knife through your eye
and out the back of your skull.” That was, like,
a pretty defining moment when you realized how —
[ Laughter ] how messed up in the head
that she’d become. -Yeah.
-And in season five, I think she threw away
her original costume. And I was in that costume for
like four years or something. So, she threw that
into the water, and it was
a really emotional moment. I guess last season,
she reunited with Sansa again, so that was a pretty big moment. And then they both united
and killed Littlefinger, and that’s pretty —
-That’s like kind of — yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
That’s not bad. This is the final —
the final season. Everyone’s been waiting. Can you tell me anything? Are you allowed
to talk about anything? -I’ve decided to just keep
a tight lip on everything. HBO have sent out a lot of memos
recently about just say nothing. -Yeah.
-So there’s really nothing that I can say.
They would absolutely kill me. -You couldn’t give —
You couldn’t give one little spoiler,
one little hint of a a little —
a crumb is all I ask. [ Laughter ] Milady. Just a crumb
is all I’m asking for. [ Laughter ] -Um…I don’t know. Like, during shooting,
the final days were really, like, emotional, saying goodbye
to all of the cast. Because when I found out that
Arya died in the second episode, I was —
[ Audience gasps, laughs ] -What? Are you kidding me? That’s a spoiler. [ Laughter ] -Is this live?
-No. -We can edit that out.
-Are you serious? -Yeah. -Dude, yeah, totally. -They’re still
gonna tweet about it. -No. Don’t worry about it.
Are you serious? It’s fine.
-I’m really sorry. -No, don’t worry about it.
No, it’s fine. -Okay.
-We can edit it, right? Yeah.
We can edit it out. Don’t worry about it.
-Okay. -Yeah.
Don’t worry about it. No one’s gonna —
It’s fine. It’s cool.
Let’s just start — Can we do applause,
and I’ll just go from the applause
and go into it again? [ Cheers and applause ] Let’s talk about, uh… Let’s talk about the final — Let’s talk about
the final season. -I’m… -Um… Is she okay? Is she okay? We’ll just go… -April Fools! [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -You were so good!
Oh, my gosh! We got you guys so bad! Maisie Williams, everybody!

The Women’s March and the Government Shutdown: A Closer Look

-The one-year anniversary of
President Trump’s inauguration was marked this weekend
by nationwide protests and a government shutdown
that ended today despite Trump doing as little
as possible it resolve it. For more on this, it’s time
for “A Closer Look.” ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] It’s been a year since
Trump’s inauguration and the historic
women’s marches that followed. And on Saturday, we saw yet
again that the women’s march wasn’t merely
a one-time phenomenon, but a sustained movement unlike anything the country’s
seen in decades. -Women across the country were
on the march today. Thousands took to the streets
from coast to coast. They rallied for a variety
of causes with a focus on having their voices heard
in November’s midterm elections. -Taking to the streets in over
300 rallies in all 50 states. -But it just wasn’t in the U.S.
where women marched. This was the scene in
Nova Scotia, where half the town of Sandy Cove also participated
in the women’s march. -Wow.
Half the town was protesting. That, I have to say… [ Applause ] That’s got to be super awkward
for people who weren’t there. [ Laughter ] “Dale, I didn’t see you
at the women’s march.” “Oh, yeah,
was it a good turnout?” “Half, Dale! It was half.” [ Laughter ] Of course, one of the best parts
of any protests are the signs, and this year was especially
refreshing to see children participating, like this sign
that said “Vote for women!” This sign that said “boys are equal to girls
and girls are equal to boys,” and then there was
this little girl who clearly got
to write her own sign. [ Laughter and applause ] Although…
[ Applause ] To be fair, it’s possible
she spent more time on that than the Trump administration
did on the original travel ban. [ Laughter,
cheers and applause ] [ Imitating Trump ]
“Don’t forget. “Don’t forget
the purple circles. The purple circles make it
legally airtight.” [ Laughter ] Of course, Trump, who was cooped
up in the White House all weekend watching coverage
of the protests, couldn’t help but weigh in,
tweeting… Dude, you know that’s not why
they were marching. [ Laughter ] Trump’s the kind of guy, who if
he came home to find his wife dumped all his clothes on
the sidewalk, would say to her, “I get it.
You want to see me naked.” [ Laughter and applause ] “I pick up on stuff.
I pick up on stuff.” [ Applause ] So the one-year anniversary
of Trump’s inauguration saw a second straight year of
sustained nationwide protests but, of course, it wasn’t just
the protests that marred Trump’s celebration. -The government is shut down for the first time
in more than four years. “The Art of the Deal” President
could not reach that deal with Democrats
and a few Republicans, and just a few hours ago, they
marked the one-year anniversary of his presidency
by rejecting a budget bill. -This is the first time
in modern history, the first time
in modern U.S. history, that a party that’s controlled the House, the Senate,
and the White House, has had a government shutdown
on their watch. -You got to hand it to Trump, he finally did something no
other President has ever done. [ Imitating Trump ] “Bush
couldn’t do it, Obama couldn’t. We made history.
We made history.” Now Trump has, of course, tried
to claim it’s actually Democrats who will suffer politically
from the shutdown, tweeting over the weekend… But there’s at least one
immutable law of physics that still applies
in Washington. For each Trump quote, there’s an
equal and opposite Trump quote. And the question of who’s to
blame for government shutdowns is no exception because when
Obama was President, Trump was very clear about
who was to blame. -Who’s going to bear the brunt
of the responsibility if, indeed, there is a shutdown
of our government? -Well, if you say,
“who gets fired?” it always has to be the top. I mean,
problems start from the top, and have to get solved
from the top, and the President’s the leader. In 25 years, in 50 years,
in a hundred years from now, when the government is,
you know, they talk about the government shutdown,
they’re going to be talking about the President
of the United States. Who was the President
at that time? If there is a shutdown,
I think it would be a tremendously negative mark on the President
of the United States. I hear the Democrats are going
to be blamed and the Republicans
are going to be blamed. I actually think the President
would be blamed. -There’s literally, literally… [ Cheers and applause ] …not one situation where there
isn’t an old Trump quote that completely contradicts
his current position. I wouldn’t be surprised if
there’s an old Trump tweet out there that says,
“Only a loser would wear a baseball cap
with a suit.” [ Laughter ] In fact, Trump was asked
point-blank in 2011 how he would handle a potential shutdown
differently from then-President Obama. And in retrospect, let’s say
he was a little overconfident. -I’m a deal man. I made hundreds
and hundreds of deals and transactions.
He never did deals before. How can you expect a man
that’s not a deal man that never did a deal
other than, frankly, becoming President
of the United States, he never did a deal — how is he going to corral all
these people? -So how would you do it now?
Now you’re in the Oval Office right now, it’s Wednesday —
-I would get everybody together and we’d have a budget.
-They’ve all gotten together. -Well, that’s because they
don’t have the right leader. You don’t have the right leader. This is the President
of the United States has to get this done,
but it’s pretty sad because the whole world
is looking at us and laughing at us. [ Laughter ] -It’s amazing. [ Cheers and applause ] I agree with everything
he just said. Of course, in reality,
Republicans control all three branches of government
and on top of that, we have a President
who repeatedly sold himself on the campaign trail
as an ultimate dealmaker. -We need a President that’s
going to be able to make deals, great deals.
I want to make great deals. That’s what it is.
For the people. I do hundreds of deals.
The deals come out of my ears. If you can’t make a good deal
with a politician, then there’s
something wrong you. You’re certainly not very good. You can’t leave the White House,
go to Hawaii and play golf for three weeks
and be a real dealmaker. It doesn’t work that way. -That’s right. You can’t go
to Hawaii to play golf and be a dealmaker.
You have to go to Florida. And you can’t do it
for three weeks. You have to do it
for an entire year. And yet even as the government
shutdown ended, the self-proclaimed deal man
was M.I.A., completely absent
from the negotiations and leaving everyone confused
about where he stood. In fact, in order to counter
that growing impression that Trump was sitting around
doing nothing, the White House released
a series of official photos of what they called
President Donald J. Trump working in the White House
during the Democrat shutdown, including this photo of Trump
walking around, this photo of Trump talking
to people, and this photo of Trump
supposedly on the phone. Look at him. [ Imitating Trump ]
“Hello, police, come quick. Somebody stole
all the work off my desk.” [ Laughter ] You know, you don’t really look
like you’re working when you’re staring directly
at the camera. You look like you just got
busted having phone sex. [ Imitating Trump ] “I got to…
call you back.” [ Cheers and applause ] The main reason the government
was in this mess in the first place
was that Trump doesn’t know what he believes other
than the fact that he spent the entire campaign promising
to build a wall, and now his party’s scrambling
to find a way to follow through on that promise even though
they know it’s absurd. Even Trump’s Chief of Staff,
John Kelly, reportedly told lawmakers
Trump’s promises on the wall were uninformed and is now
saying the so-called wall doesn’t even have to be
an actual physical barrier. -Did he really say the President
was uninformed on the wall? -Yes. Well, I had a meeting.
I was sitting right next to him, next to Mr. Kelly,
and here’s what he said. He said, “the President
of the United States, “when he was campaigning,
made promises that were not fully informed.” He said “I’ve educated
the President, and the President
has evolved on the issue.” And when I asked General Kelly
“what’s a wall?” he said it could be
the inhospitable terrain, it could be border patrol agent,
it could be drones. -Oh, my God, this wall
keeps getting worse and worse. It could be terrain,
it could be drones. Soon, it’s just going to be
a tunnel painted on the side
of a mountain. [ Laughter ] So we have a President making
cartoonish demands that everyone
knows are impractical. There’s absolutely
no guiding principles or knowledge of policy, and he
changes his views on a whim depending on who
he’s talking to. And a former campaign aide told
“The New York Times” that Trump
doesn’t even care to learn… So it’s simple.
It’s not that he does not know what he does not know,
it’s that he does know what he does not know,
which means he doesn’t know what he does know
and he does think that he doesn’t need to know it.
You know? [ Cheers and applause ]
Just to give you… [ Applause ] Just to give you an idea
of how incoherent and scattershot Trump’s views
are, he spent the weekend bashing Democrats over DACA,
tweeting… Even though he, himself,
has spent months insisting that he wants to deal
with the DREAMers, the young undocumented
immigrants brought here as children,
with compassion. -The DACA situation is a very,
very — it’s a very difficult thing for me because, you know,
I love these kids. I love kids. I have kids. They shouldn’t be very worried.
They are here illegally. They shouldn’t be very worried.
I do have a big heart. We’re going to take care
of everybody. Well, I have a great heart for
the folks we’re talking about. A great love for them. I feel having the Democrats
in with us is absolutely vital because this should be
a bipartisan deal. This should be a bill of love,
truly, should be a bill of love. -Of course, a bill of love
is also what Trump pays porn stars in hush money. [ Rimshot ] [ Cheers and applause ] This weekend’s shutdown was
very much the Trump presidency, a microcosm, the President
with no guiding principles and no knowledge of policy,
flailing wildly, and relegated to making
cartoonish demands from the sidelines while
everyone else scrambles to figure out how
to make it work. I don’t know what Trump would
say about that, but I do know how
his biggest critic feels. -The whole world is looking
at us and laughing at us. -He’s right.
This has been “A Closer Look.” ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]