M. Night Shyamalan Pranked His Mother-in-Law with the Fake Baby from Servant


-How are you?
-I’m good. I was backstage,
and Tiffany twerked for me. -Yeah.
-I mean, it’s good. -Well, wait. You were backstage
probably looking for Migos on your phone being like,
“I have to have this ready…” -No, she did it without music. -She’s a very kind person.
-Yes. -You’re obviously — You’re
known for being a film director. It’s very exciting to have you
producing a television series, directing some episodes. This is,
as one might expect from you, a fairly haunting idea
about a — [ Laughs ]
I don’t know why I’m laughing. It’s a couple
who’s suffered a tragic loss. -Yeah.
-There’s a nanny. Explain the concept real quick
and how it came about. -You know, I get offered certain
things to either, you know, write, rewrite.
or direct or produce. And this particular idea
came to me of a couple
that had lost a child, and they do this very fringe
therapy, this very rare therapy. It’s actually a real therapy,
where they take a doll and pretend that their child
is still alive and to help with
the emotions and all. And it’s such a tragic
kind of setup. And it’s very eerie
in and of itself. And this doll
that they’re using, the mom thinks
the child’s alive, and she believes it so much
that she hires a nanny. And then the nanny comes in,
and the nanny immediately starts treating the doll
like it’s alive. And so it’s a very eerie setup,
and so I was like, “I need to know
what happens to this couple.” -Yes.
-Yeah. -And that’s how you get into it.
-Yes. -I want to show a clip real
quick because this is sort of — Explain the clip
before we show it. Like — -Yeah, it’s — I can barely
show you guys anything about this show
without giving too much away, but this is in episode nine,
which I directed. And weird things are afoot. And strange things
are happening. And this is a moment, I believe, where she wakes up
in the middle of the day and the car alarm is going off
and it just won’t stop. And she’s trying
to find the key, and she finds the key,
and it just won’t stop. And there’s something
that’s going on that’s infecting their lives
in this house. -All right.
Let’s take a look real quick. [ Car alarm wailing,
horn blaring ] -[ Screaming ] [ Car alarm wailing,
horn blaring ] [ Alarm and horn stop ] ♪♪ -See, it’s very haunting.
You make very haunting films. It’s very distressing
to watch what you make. -Yeah. It’s a mystery,
and it’s been fun to do it in this long form like this
with Apple. It’s been — It’s been fun. -How do you —
Do you ever get scared when you’re watching something
that you have done? -I’m definitely — I’m — If you
watch a movie with me, if we were in a movie theater
together, I am the best audience member. I’m squirming, and I’m jumping,
and I’m like, “Oh, my gosh.
That happened to Kevin Hart? Oh, my gosh!” I’m definitely the guy that’s
totally reacting to everything. And even in my stuff,
when it’s working, I start to react like that,
as well. -And so — Obviously when you make a film
you do test screenings, you are watching
audience members. Are you looking for something
from an audience member when they’re watching
something you’ve made? -Well, it’s really interesting
’cause I make thrillers generally,
like, suspense thrillers. And what ends up happening — I
noticed this when I was younger, and I didn’t realize this was
actually a real thing. But as I’ve made more movies, it’s actually a science
what I’m telling you. So, you screen the first cut of
movie, and it’s really long. It has, like, everything in it.
It’s not paced correctly. And about 50 people
will go to the bathroom during the screening
of the movie. They’ll just get up and go
at some point in the movie. And as you make the movie
and you keep on doing it, then 30 people
go to the bathroom. And the time next,
there’s 20 people, and then 10 people,
then 4 people. And then the last cut of the
movie when it’s ready to go out, it’s two people,
and they’re running, and they’re backwards-watching
the screen as they go to the bathroom. And what’s really interesting
is that, like, you stop thinking about yourself when you’re
completely connected to the movie
and like 500 people forget they needed to go
to the bathroom. -Yeah, I mean, I guess the
perfect movie would just be everybody goes
in their pants, yeah. -Yeah, I’ve never —
never achieved that. -Never achieved that. Yeah. -I’ve never achieved that
Depends level of success. -I do, as would be expected,
like — You know, you mentioned
that it’s like a baby doll. The baby doll, though, is —
We have a photo of it. It is little bit,
I think, more lifelike than people may have expected. [ Audience awws ]
That’s a real — Yeah, exactly. And on set,
I would imagine it’s fairly — As far as props go,
it’s probably fairly creepy. -That is the doll
that they use in the therapy. We had one made for us,
and it’s — It literally moves, and it sits
with you like a real doll. My mother-in-law, who lives
in India, came to visit me, and I was showing her
my offices. And me being
a really bad son-in-law, I decided to trick her. And so we were walking through
the offices, and I went, “Oh, my — Oh, my God!
Someone left a baby!” -Oh, Jesus.
-“Oh, my God.” And she was like, you know —
She’s an older Indian woman. And I was like, “Oh, my God!” And she was, “Oh, no!
Oh, my God! Ohh!” And then I was like,
“Who would do this?! Who would do this?!” And she was like,
“What is this?!” And I handed it to her,
and she starts cradling it ’cause it weighs and it moves
just like a baby, and she starts tearing up,
and I’m like, “This has gone too far.”
-Yeah. -And I said, “I’m just kidding.” -Do you not get this enough
from your work? -“I’m just kidding.
It’s not real.” And she keeps on — she keeps on
doing this as she’s like — It’s a doll, and you can’t stop. Your body won’t stop because it feels and looks like
a real doll. I’m sorry I did that to her.
-Yes.

Trump Threatens War Crimes Against Iran: A Closer Look


-Well, it looks like
2020 is off to a great start. For more on this,
it’s time for “A Closer Look.” [ Theme music plays ] [ Cheers and applause ] I’m just [Bleep] with you.
2020 is already the worst. [ Laughter ] The sky in Australia
is blood red, thanks to a climate crisis; Republicans are trying to rig
the impeachment trial; and the president is threatening
more crimes on Twitter. We’re less than a week
into 2020. The world is like
your friend who tells you this is the year he’s going to
quit drugs and take up yoga, and then, on January 6th, you see him trying to
sell his mat for crack. [ Laughter ] I mean, we should have at least
been able to come together and enjoy the Patriots getting
knocked out of the playoffs, and the first round at home. [ Cheers and applause ] I mean, finally, Bill Belichick
was as sad as his outfit. For a guy who’s supposed to be
good at clock management, he always looks like he woke up
five minutes before game time. And you know, we couldn’t even
take 24 hours to savor that small victory, because the president
spent the weekend threatening war crimes
against Iran after ordering the assassination
of a top Iranian general and then, in Orwellian fashion, claiming he did it
to stop a war. -Breaking news this morning. The U.S. has carried out
the assassination of a top Iranian military and
intelligence commander. The president ordered this. It was carried out by drone
last night in Iraq. -His name was Qasem Soleimani. He was Iran’s
top military commander. -I went to a State Department
briefing today, a background briefing,
and the officials basically said the ball is in Iran’s court, and
we are trying to de-escalate. Actually, one official said this
was an act of de-escalation. -We took action last night
to stop a war. We did not take action
to start a war. -Trump thinks we can’t accuse
him of rushing into a war if he reads his TelePrompTer
super slowly. [ Laughter ] You can’t just kill a top
general of a sovereign nation and call it de-escalation.
That’s like getting drunk and driving your car
into a Kmart and then telling the cops,
“I did it to stop my car.” [ Laughter ] Trump and his allies are lying
in the exact same ways the Bush administration
lied us into a catastrophic war in Iraq nearly 17 years ago, and the exact same people
are doing it. After the attack Fox News
decided to turn to their stable of
lumpy white guys who have been wrong
about anything, like Lindsey Graham, a champion
of the Iraq war, and former Bush officials
and serial liars Ari Fleischer and Karl Rove. Why are these
the best experts we can get? This is like doing a segment
on organizing music festivals and interviewing
Billy McFarland and Ja Rule. And the same people are
trotting out the same lies they did 17 years ago.
For example, Vice President Mike Pence lied and tried to link Soleimani
to 9/11 in a tweet that was not supported
by the evidence. And if that sounds
familiar to you, it’s because it’s right out of the playbook of George W. Bush
and Donald Rumsfeld, who repeatedly linked
Saddam Hussein to al-Qaeda and
other terrorist groups without providing any evidence. -The reason I keep insisting
that there was a relationship between Iraq and Saddam
and al-Qaeda — because there was a relationship
between Iraq and al-Qaeda. -There are reports
that there is no evidence of a direct link
between Baghdad and some of these
terrorist organizations. -Reports that say
that something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me because, as we know,
there are known knowns. There are things
we know we know. We also know
there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there
are some things we do not know. But there are also
unknown unknowns — the ones we don’t know
we don’t know. -Excuse me, but is this
an unknown unknown? [ Laughter ] -I’m not —
-There are several unknowns — -I’m not going to say
which it is. -Oh, you’re not going to say,
so it’s unknown whether it’s
an unknown unknown. But one known that we do know
is what Trump knows, which is a known unknown, because he un-knows
what he doesn’t know. Meaning we know
he knows no knowns. [ Laughter ]
It’s amazing. [ Cheers and applause ] It’s amazing that we found a way to elect people who think
these guys have the right idea. It’s like if, 17 years from now, someone made a movie
called “Cats 2” — this time with genitals. [ Laughter ] So, Pence lied, just like
Bush and Rumsfeld lied. But, hey, at least
this isn’t the first time Mike Pence has been wrong about a disastrous war
in the Middle East. -I am here to report, as the United States military
confirmed in Iraq on Monday, weapons of mass destruction
have been found in Iraq. -It’s fitting
that 16 years later, Pence is telling the same lies, because 16 years later,
he looks the exact same. I mean, I’m pretty sure
he’s just a stock-photo businessman
come to life. When he takes off his shirt, it says “Getty Images”
across his chest. [ Laughter and applause ] So, the Trump administration
tried to link Soleimani to 9/11. They also claimed they were
stopping an imminent threat. But if that’s true,
they haven’t presented any evidence of that threat
to Congress or the public. In fact, a “The New York Times”
reporter tweeted that the evidence
for such a threat was razor-thin.
And “The times” also wrote that national security experts
and even other officials at the Pentagon
said they were unaware of anything drastically new
about Iranian behavior in recent weeks.
But that’s not good enough for “Fox & Friends”
host Ainsley Earhardt, who said today that we just
have to trust the intelligence agencies.
-So interesting that people are critical
of the president’s decisions, of our intelligence community’s
decisions, our generals’ decisions.
-They want details. -General Tata said —
Well, they can’t have it. They can’t —
Everything can’t be made public. We heard Pompeo
over the weekend saying, “Everything that we have, the
intelligence community has” — he said, “I ran the CIA
at one point. We can’t release everything. We can’t release all of our
intelligence information. We’ll release as much as we can, but you just have to
trust us, basically.” -Oh, we just have to trust them? I’m sorry, but I’m not inclined
to trust an administration that lies about everything,
even the most dumbest thing. Let’s not forget, this is
the same guy who literally drew a circle on an official
weather map, in Sharpie, to claim that Alabama was
going to get hit by a hurricane and then pretended he had
no idea how it got there. Can you imagine if Trump
actually tries to present
some evidence against Iran? [ As Trump ]
“I have it right here — the top-secret
intelligence briefing that proves I was right. It says, ‘Iran bad,’
right there.” [ Laughter ] “Right there.”
[ Applause ] [ Normal voice ]
So, there you go. You heard “Fox & Friends.” We have to trust our
intelligence agencies. I wonder, though, if she felt
the same way back in May, when the intelligence agencies
were investigating Trump. What? No, she didn’t? Oh, and the next clip
proves it? Oh, why are you telling me?
You ruined the surprise. Alright, well,
let’s just show it anyway. -There was a Fox News poll,
and folks were asked how likely intelligence
agencies, like the FBI, broke the law
to investigate President trump. Look at that. 58% said “extremely,” “very,”
or “somewhat,” and only 31% said “not at all,”
so that just shows you — -And you get that number when
you add up the first three. -That’s pretty scary
that we can’t trust the FBI. -What?! We can’t? But that lady on the news
just a second ago said we can! [ Laughter ]
Wait a second! Oh, my God, one of two things
is happening here. Either Trump supporters are
self-serving hypocrites who defend intelligence agencies
when they want to bomb other countries,
but attack them when they investigate
the president’s crimes, or Ainsley Earhardt
has an evil twin! [ Laughter ] [ Suspenseful music plays ] [ Applause ] Now, if you’re
a Trump supporter out there, claiming anyone who opposes
this act of war is siding with the enemy,
let’s just remember, this is the same president
who literally said he and Kim Jong-un,
a brutal dictator who starves and tortures
his own people, quote, “fell in love because
of Kim’s beautiful letters.” Trump actually said that
about a brutal dictator. He sounds like a Southern belle
meeting suitors at a cotillion. “My dear Beauregard,
I fell in love with you after your beautiful letters.” [ Laughter ] I’m pretty sure most people hadn’t even heard
Soleimani’s name until recently, and that includes Trump himself,
who was asked about him in a radio interview in 2015 and
clearly had no idea who he was. -Are you familiar
with General Soleimani? -Yes. Go ahead.
Give me a little. Go ahead, tell me. -He runs the Quds Forces.
-Yes, okay. Right. -Do you expect —
-And I think the Kurds, by the way, have been harshly
mistreated by us. -No, not the Kurds,
the Quds Forces — the Iranian
Revolutionary Guard Quds Forces, the bad guys.
-Yes, right. -Do you expect his behavior
to change as a result — -Oh, I thought you said “Kurds.” -I love —
I love how Trump tried to pretend he knew who he was,
even though he clearly didn’t. “Do you know General Soleimani?” [ As Trump ] Yeah — No, I do. But I want to see
if you know who he is. [ Normal voice ]
Clearly, this was a reckless act
by an impulsive president who hasn’t thought through
any of the consequences. But a lot of people,
including prominent Democrats, are also asking, “Why now? Why would a president who’s
facing an impeachment trial, and mounting evidence
of his guilt suddenly start a war with Iran as he heads into
an election year. I wonder if 2011-2012
Donald Trump had anything to say about that when it came
to President Obama. -I say that he starts
a war in Iran before the election, which will make it very hard
for the Republican to win, okay? And I’ve said that,
and I predicted that. He doesn’t talk to anybody.
He’ll start a war. You know, lives will be wasted
for no reason. I happen to think
that the president is going to start
a war with Iran. I think it will be a short-term
popular thing to do, and I think he’s going to
do that for political reasons. Our president will start
a war with Iran because he has absolutely
no ability to negotiate. He’s weak, and he’s ineffective.
So the only way he figures that he’s going to
get re-elected, and as sure
as you’re sitting there, is to start a war with Iran. I believe
that he will attack Iran sometime prior to the election
because he thinks that’s the only way
he can get elected. Isn’t it pathetic?
-Yes, it is. The thing about Trump is
that he never tells the truth about himself in the present, but he always tells the truth
about himself like 10 years in advance. When he accuses people of
crossing the border illegally, that means, 10 years from now,
he’s going to get caught climbing over his wall,
trying to flee to Mexico. [ As Trump ] David, uh,
why did we make it so tall? [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ] So,
it’s already terrifying that the president is
impulsively lurching into an unjust and unmoral war, and then, on Sunday,
he decided to go even further and threaten war crimes
against Iran with a truly psychotic tweet
that he genuinely thought counted as some sort of
official legal document. Here is the very real tweet the president
of the United States sent out on Sunday. “These media posts
will serve as notification to the United States Congress
that should Iran strike any
U.S. person or target, the United States will quickly
and fully strike back and perhaps in a
disproportionate manner. Such legal notice
is not required but is given nevertheless.”
That’s right. The same guy who brought you
such tweets as, “Robert Pattinson
should dump Kristen Stewart,” and, “I have never seen a thin
person drinking diet Coke,” now thinks his tweets serve as official
legal notice to Congress. I don’t think this tweet counts as legal notice to commit
an act of war, but I do think it counts as legal notice
to have you committed. That tweet sounds like something that could be scrawled
on the walls of a psych ward. “Let this serve
as a legal notice that I know you’re hiding pills
in my applesauce, and I will find them
and sue you for malpractice.” [ Applause ]
And by the way, threatening a disproportionate
response is a war crime, just like when Trump tweeted
the previous day that, “If Iran strikes any
Americans or American assets, we have targeted
52 Iranian sites, some at a very high level and important to Iran
and the Iranian culture. And those targets
and Iran itself will be hit
very fast and very hard.” First of all,
it’s not reassuring when the president tweets
in all caps like a lunatic who sees his ex-girlfriend
posting pictures of herself with another guy,
and texts her at 3:00 a.m., “Who is Brad?
Why are you in Cabo? I will hit him
very fast and very hard!” A war with Iran would be
unjust and immoral, cause mass death and suffering, and destabilize
the region and the world. And Trump obviously
hasn’t thought about, or doesn’t care about,
those consequences, because, by all accounts, he made this decision
impulsively, to the surprise of his own
top military officials. “The New York Times” reported
that they were stunned, flabbergasted, and alarmed
when trump chose the option of killing Soleimani. Apparently,
Trump’s military advisers put the option
on one PowerPoint slide to make the other options
seem more reasonable, not actually thinking
he would pick it. One briefing slide
shown to Trump listed several follow-up steps
the U.S. could take, among them targeting Soleimani. Unexpectedly,
Trump chose that option. Oh, oh, did Donald Trump
do the unexpected… [ Laughter ]
…instead of the reasonable? Did you guys
not get a briefing on him? You can’t expect
the reasonable choice from the guy who
stared into a eclipse, and when his umbrella
got caught, just left it on the stairs. [ Laughter and applause ] Congress must do
everything in its power to stop an unjust and immoral
war with Iran that will have
disastrous consequences. That’s why thousands of
protesters took to the streets over the weekend
in cities across the country to say no to war with Iran. We have an impulsive, lawless
president threatening war crimes, who thinks his tweets count
as official legal documents. You got to ask…
-Isn’t it pathetic? -This has been
“A Closer Look.” [ Theme music plays ]

Ben Platt Teases Season 2 of ‘The Politician’ | THR News


– That is why I’m proud to
introduce my running mate today. Infinity Jackson. (cheering) – She already has a 80% approval rating. – If you binged The Politician on Netflix, you know that Ben Platt
stars as Payton Hobart, a privileged teenager determined to win the student body elections
at his high school, you know, as a first step
on his way to becoming the President of the United States. The Tony Award winner spoke
to The Hollywood Reporter about taking on the part
and what fans can expect from season two. Platt, of course, headlined
Dear Evan Hansen on Broadway before starring in the
Ryan Murphy Netflix series. As for what it was like to transition from the stage to the
small screen, Platt said, “A lot of it is in the
practicality of showing up to work “and having someone
four feet away from you “and pointing a camera in your face, “as opposed to walking into a
large room with lots of people “sitting and listening to you. “And particularly in this show, “the writing is so verbose and heightened, “it’s so reminiscent of the theater “that I felt very much at home.” (upbeat music) – See, gentlemen, I’m gonna be President of the United States. I’m merely stating a fact,
I will be president someday. I’m warning you, do not
screw with my dream. – [Tiffany] Platt’s costars
include Gwyneth Paltrow and Jessica Lange. The actor who was also a talented vocalist had plenty of musical
moments in season one, but will there be more in season two? He revealed, “I’ve only read
the first couple of episodes, “but so far, season two isn’t musical. “And if it is, it’ll be
a very similar situation “where only when Payton
would organically be singing “in his life would we try
to put a song in there.” – It’s so hard to have to
try so hard all the time. – You’re gonna change the world, Payton. – How do you know? – For the full interview with Ben Platt, head to THR.com. Until next time, for The
Hollywood Reporter News, I’m Tiffany Taylor. (whooshing)

Hasan Puts #YangGang To The Test | Deep Cuts | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix


“What do you think of the
Lakers doing so well this season?” Alright, look. That’s messed up. You guys know I’m a Kings fan. And you know that the Lakers
have consistently broken our hearts. It makes me so mad that they’re gelling, that LeBron is back, that they’re all getting along. There’s no drama. Dwight Howard is, like,
now all of a sudden mentally there. Alright. Does anyone else have
any questions for me or anything? I’ve got a question! Why’d you cut our interview so short? Ladies and gentlemen,
Andrew Yang! Andrew Yang! You too! Yes! Dude, you did fuckin’…
Did you see the way he did that? Aye man, you got the like,
the swagger’s– I’ve seen it, it’s up now. Oh, thank you, man. Thank you. You hopped up like you had wheelies, man. Let’s see Bernie Sanders do that. Oooh, wow! Shots fired. Andrew, that’s ageist, bro. Don’t do that. Bernie’s an inspiration and
role model to me, uh… Don’t qualify. Don’t qualify. Go full
Nas, Jay-Z. Go full Take— Just go Takeover. Oh… You know what you should do? Like,
the Takeover track, be like, “You little fuck, I got
money stacks bigger than you.” You should do that. Alright, anyways. – You’re not the first person to tell me that.
– Um, are you— are you ready for this? I’m ready. You realize the last presidential candidate
that came on Deep Cuts dropped out, so… We had Beto on the show. The ne—
Like, the following day he dropped out. You have to answer the question while
holding an egg on a spoon. So describe, in Spanish, what’s
happening right now on stage. Ah, pues, es muy complicado… – You ready for the danger zone? This is like—
– You have absolutely nothing to worry about. – Okay.
– I’m gonna undo the Patriot Act jinx right now, Ahh, it’s not a jinx. Come on, man. He was polling pretty low, but alright. Now there’s only one dude on TV
doing this all the time. Alright. So obviously, certain media outlets
have blacked you out. Yes. – I’ma just say it. MSNBC…
– Yeah. And I’ve got to say… They call you John Yang… All I’m asking for is that they say,
“We’re going to treat— – Now you wanna— …you exactly like every other candidate.
We’re going to allow surrogates on our air just like we allow surrogates from other campaigns.”
And they’re going to acknowledge that they’ve omitted me from over a dozen graphics
and have made mistakes in our coverage. Very, very reasonable. Just treat us like everyone
else and then I will be back on the air the next day. Okay, but you’re asking for an apology,
though. They have to admit fault? – I mean they actually—
– You want the news media to admit fault? You want Rachel Maddow to tack on
another 30 minutes to her three-hour show – and be like, “I’m sorry, Andrew.”
– I’m not looking for 30 minutes. – I would take one minute.
– One minute? Okay. Uh, but the fact is they’ve already apologized for
some of the mistakes they’ve made in isolation, so I’m just asking for an apology to acknowledge
that they’ve made additional mistakes, as well. Okay. Why don’t you do this:
Go right to Camera One and say, “Hey, MSNBC… the only time I agree with Trump
is when he’s talking about MSNBC.” Wow. – I, I would not put it that way.
– Aw, come on! Come on, dude! I’m trying to— Look, you’re what, at 6%? – Yeah, I’m in, I’m in fifth place.
– If you get the beef poppin’… I guarantee you’ll go up to 8%. If you really… If you really swing dick at MSNBC… Dude, you already have the internet.
They’ll go crazy. – Look, I got to—
– Reddit loves you! I got to give them a road back… – Just go raw.
– …because after I’m president, you know, I’m going to be doing
interviews with them. – I’m serious.
– We got to give them the path back. But MSNBC, just come clean and say,
“Look, mistakes were made. Let’s put this behind us so we can get to the
business of beating Donald Trump in 2020.” Mike Bloomberg just declared his candidacy.
You’re the numbers guy. Should billionaires exist and be able
to run for office? Two questions. Well, our economic system has been geared
towards this winner-take-all dynamic for years. So, it’s going to produce some billionaires as
a byproduct of the way the economy is set up. Uh, and so, you can’t go back in
time and rewire the way the economy – …should have been starting in the ’90s.
– What do you— what do you mean by that? It’s already designed for people
to get a billion dollars? It is designed so that it’s going to end up
producing some number of billionaires, which we have to remedy and as president— Because of what? Monopolies or what? Like what— Yeah. You’ve seen market power consolidated
in the hands of fewer and fewer companies and then you’ve seen technology
and capital converge. The— But should he, should a billionaire like
Bloomberg be able to run? That’s the real question. Because he can just buy his way
through a situation that you’re not in. Yeah. History has shown that self-funding candidates have a very,
very poor track record in elections. And the fact is, you can’t buy
passion, you can’t buy belief. Uh, if you have people and money,
I’ll take people every single day. And that’s what I believe the billionaires in this race
are going to find out, as well, in the days to come. – But should— Should billionaires be able to run?
– The way we’re set up— You’re Euro-stepping the answer here and then going to the hole. I’m— I’m going man. Now you gotta answer that. Come on, Andrew. Yeah. Billionaires should be allowed to spend money
on behalf of their own campaigns. Yes, I believe so. Okay. But, and you’re— You’re okay going up
against the David versus Goliath situation? Well, I think what they’re going to find is that spending
money on advertising dollars is going to be like pushing on a string where after a certain amount of ads,
it actually becomes more irritating than anything else. Uh, you’re nodding because you see this and you don’t even live in Iowa. So, if— if you live in this age— So, like, people in Iowa are like, “Dude, I cannot…
It’s just Fashion Nova, Fit Tummy Tea, and Michael Bloomberg.” Is that what their Instagram is? There was an article where some teenagers
were doing a comedy routine where they were like, imitating these political ads because
they’ve seen them over and over again. So much so that it’s become a joke. You know what, man? You guys know what time it is. It’s time for
the surprise math quiz. Let’s see it. – Andrew, here we go.
– Alright. Two trains travels in opposite
directions from the same station. The first train travels 20 miles an hour faster
than the second train, but it starts one hour and 30 minutes
after the second train. Five hours after the second train starts,
the trains are 512 miles apart. What is the speed of the first train
in miles per hour? Go. As the math guy, I know
the answer is always C! Dude, it’s E, are you kidding me? It’s E. Go, show the work. Super simple.
We did this before. Let X be the speed of train two. X plus 20 is the speed of train one. Obviously, 3.5X plus 20, plus 5X, five two,
8.5X plus seven equals five over two. X is 52. Speed of train: 52 plus 20, 72.
Easy. You sold a test prep company, bro? I did, I did. I did. Alright, man. – Now you’ve said the Freedom Dividend…
– Number one in the country. tested well as an alternative to UBI. Yeah, yeah. We’ve tested all the
names for giving people money. – Dude. Come on, dude.
– No, true. I’m going to be the only one.
It’s just like, “You really tested it?” You were like, “Okay. Let’s try, uh,
‘Allowance for Adults.’ Eh, it’s not going to work.” Yes. We didn’t have that on the list. – Patriot Bucks. Liberty Dollars.
– We had something very close to that. – Patriot Bucks?
– We had a lot of variants. – We had, uh, we had Freedom Dividend, which won.
– Liberty Bribe. How about Liberty Bribe? How about, how about, how about
‘Not Even Half Your Rent… – Bucks”?
– That’s true here in New York. That is true. – Okay. No, but it tested really well. Yeah.
– Anything with the word “Freedom” in it. Anything with the word “Freedom”
in it tested way, way better. – Yeah. You know the show is called Patriot Act…
– But we tested a whole bunch of that stuff. because the Patriot Act was super fucked up. – Yeah. And it got passed.
– Okay. Uh, the Republicans are really
good at naming terrible stuff… – Okay.
– …really appealing names. Okay. But Silicon Valley people love it.
Shouldn’t we have a little bit of skepticism if Silicon Valley bros love
the idea of the Freedom Dividend? Just based on… everything. – Well, the reason why I love the Freedom Dividend…
– Yeah. is that it makes people stronger, healthier, mentally
healthier, less stressed out. We’ll start to put value on things that, right now, the market ignores.
Like the work my wife does at home – with our two boys, one of whom is autistic…
– Yeah. Caregivers, nurturers, uh, coaches and mentors,
and increasingly artists, creatives, and even journalists. There are people in
Silicon Valley that do support this and some of them support it for the exact
right reason— because they know that we’re in the midst of the greatest economic and
technological transformation in our country’s history and we need to do something
about it as quickly as possible. Are we using the Freedom Dividend
as a short-term solve on massive capitalistic inequality that already exists? So, say me and my wife, we get the Freedom
Dividend of a thousand. So, we get 24 Gs a year. How is that going to take down the structure
of the Michael Bloombergs, the Jeff Bezoses? What does that do?
That’s not even a dent to them. Well, to me, what it is— – To massive economic inequality that’s only growing.
– Yeah. Um, what it is, is a foundation for all of us. Like you have— Do you ever stop building
a house at the floor? You ever be like, “Oh, this is a nice floor.”
Of course not. You have the floor and then you have
to build a structure on top. And you’re going to go after
the technology companies as well? – Oh yeah.
– Monopolies, all that stuff. Well, the biggest thing that I’m stressed out
about where the tech companies are concerned, – uh, is that—
– You know we’re on Net— We’re on Netflix. – We’re on Netflix. Everybody but Netflix.
– It’s cool. Everybody but Netflix. Go ahead. I don’t think this does apply to Netflix, happily. You’ll be— that wasn’t intentional. Okay, good, good, good. Okay. Oh, good. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. – Yeah, fuck Google. Go, go, go, go.
– …is that— Yo, you’ll be like, “Disney’s a huge fuckin’ problem.
Fuck them. I’m gonna break them up…” That’s funny. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. So, I’m a parent, uh, and what stresses me out
most about technology is that we’re going through a mental health crisis in this country—
record high levels of anxiety and depression, and it’s related to technology use and
smartphone adoption and social media apps. Uh, and a friend of mine in Silicon Valley said that we
have some of the smartest engineers in our country turning super computers into dopamine delivery
devices and slot machines for teenagers. And it’s having a disastrous effect
on our mental health. So what we have to do is we have to get into
the guts of these social media apps and recalibrate their design choices so they don’t just
have the profits of the companies in mind, but they also have our mental health and the
mental health of our children. Now… You believe data should be owned
by the person who generates it. Yeah! Our data needs to be ours. These companies
are selling and reselling it and profiting to the tune of billions and billions of dollars… Which companies specifically? What are
we talking about? The Majors. Facebook, Amazon, Google— the Majors,
are selling our data and profiting to the tune of billions, even tens of billions, of dollars. So I’m proposing that our data is ours. Even if we decide to lend
it to these tech companies, they have to tell us what they’re doing with it.
They have to share in the value with us, so we would literally get data checks
from the tech companies. Wow. And then we have to be able to turn the dial off
and unplug it at will. And— And this is fundamental. Right now, we’re in a
position where the tech companies know us better – than some of our family members.
– Yeah, that’s true. – And they’re putting all these—
– That’s very true. It is true, right? Netflix might, too.
But in Netflix— – Oooh.
– No, no— Oooh.
– But in Netflix’s case— Oh, really? I told you to go after MSNBC.
Now you’re trying to fuck with my bag. No, no. But in Netflix’s case, they just figure out what
we want to watch so it’s quite benign, actually. And then they figure out what sort
of money to invest content in. – A lot of times we have all these—
– Nice save, nicely done. Nicely done. I have a subscription. Yours or like, a cousin’s? Be real. My cousin borrows mine,
that’s what kind of cousin I have. Alright, alright. I want to go back to something that I
was really fascinated with in your book. You’re the automation guy. That’s how
you kind of became— and made a name – on the national stage.
– Yes. How bad is this robot situation on a scale from
Roomba to Black Mirror? Where are we at? We are approximately halfway
between Roomba and Black Mirror. We’re about 50% of the way to robot dogs. Whoa, whoa, wait. No, no, no, wait. Half? Like— So, what are we? Like… So, there’s Tamagotchi, Terminator…
– Yeah. and you said we’re halfway? We’re definitely past Tamagotchi. We’re short of Skynet, but we have to move
pretty quickly and rewrite the rules of this economy to work for us because it’s
not going to happen unless we make it happen. What are the biggest threats to automation?
’Cause a lot of people have criticized and said you’ve overplayed your hand on
how bad automation is gonna be. You know, I think it’s a very bad bet
to bet against technology over time. And sure, technology doesn’t proceed in a
straightforward, linear fashion. Sometimes it doesn’t look like stuff’s working and
then they’ll all of a sudden make some advance, and before you know it, we’re buying
all of our stuff on Amazon. So, the pace is unclear, but I’m 100% confident
that we blasted away 4 million manufacturing jobs primarily in the Midwest and
helped get Donald Trump elected. I’m 100% confident that Amazon is closing
30% of America’s stores and malls, paying zero in taxes while doing it, and the most
common job in our economy is retail clerk. So, these are indisputable facts before you get to
artificial intelligence replacing call center workers— Is my job at risk? That’s fine.
Is my job at risk? You’ll be the last person standing
while the rest of us all give up. I shouldn’t be happy. I shouldn’t be happy.
That’s messed up. Oh no, man. It’s good. I mean… having a secure
livelihood is nothing to be ashamed of. Oh dude, it’s comedy. That’s not secure.
You know how un-secure this is? I gotta— that’s one reason why you’re such
an awesome Asian-American role model… – Uh-huh.
– because I’m sure his parents were like, “This is, like, the worst, uh, career move ever.” And now, you can be like,
“Look, Mom and Dad, check it out.” Yeah. This is gonna be on YouTube,
Mom and Dad. Now, I recently watched the Disney Channel
Original Movie, Smart House. Now if you haven’t seen it… it’s basically a movie where the computer
takes over the role as mother and holds the family hostage. How does this
movie play into your fears of automation? Wow. Wow. I haven’t seen this movie yet. Um… Dude, I did my real research. I read the book,
I found a piece of pop culture from the ’90s – early 2000s, connected to it…
– Oh, it’s an old movie? It’s what? It’s— Yeah, yeah. It’s O.G.
It’s Lizzie McGuire level, you know what I mean? It’s that era. Yeah. Now you’ve said before you are going to be,
if you win the election, the first American president that was ex-goth. Yeah and this is— This is one way you know that
I had no intention of ever running for president. Let’s— let’s see the photo real quick. – Let’s see the goth photo.
– Sure thing. Okay. Alright. That’s not goth.
Dude, you’re wearing… you just have long hair and a—
you look like an extra in American Pie. – Well—
– Dude, if you’re really goth… dude, you gotta prove it. – Wow.
– Prove it with the Goth Test. Andrew, when is World Goth Day? I do not know the answer. May 22! Andrew, how many tattoos
of The Cure do you have? Zero. But I— but I do have pictures of myself
with a very Robert Smith-esque haircut. Okay. Andrew, who’s the biggest poser: your mom, the jocks, your teachers, or D, all of the above? Wow. I hate to throw my mom under the bus,
but I’m going to say D, all of the above. It’s your mom… because she brought you into this world. Wow, that’s very goth. Andrew, bangs should cover: bangs… one eye, both eyes, and at least three piercings, all of the above? – Definitely all of the above.
– That’s right. You’ve got to cover
everything to be truly goth. Last question. Name three brands of eyeliner. Uh, um… Maybelline… Nice. Thank you. Oh my gosh. – Maybelline Super Eyeliner.
– Nooo! Nooo! Maybe I was just a Maybelline guy, you don’t know. Alright, I support that. Alright, that’s the Goth Test. You have some pretty deep cut, weird policies.
Like you have the American Mall Act. Yeah. You want to revitalize malls? What I want to do is I want to, to help
these malls transition to new uses. Yeah. They can become theaters, community centers, – uh, places for religious organizations…
– I say, no, no… – even art installation—
– Don’t— don’t do boring religious stuff. Do this. Do skating rinks plus laser tag. – Sure.
– Remember like, when you were in elementary school, and you had a birthday party at a skate rink?
We don’t do that anymore. Put that in a mall, put laser tag there. – Hey, if that’s what the community wants—
– Sky Zone. You know how like, little kids have the big trampoline
places? It’s just all trampoline? Do that for adults. – Put that in a Sears.
– Wow. These are great ideas. So what we have to do
is we have to help the community. – Dude, that’s— come on. Nah, dude.
– No, listen! – Nah, you shot that down. Like, Andrew—
– I’m being genuine. Nah, dude, be a real politician. Be like Biden.
Be like, “That was great. That was great.” – I’m being genuine.
– And then like, massage me. Like do it that way. – Super Sky Zone in the Sears is a great idea.
– “That was a great idea!” Yeah. We just have to help the communities find new
uses for these spaces so they don’t become sources of blight and depress
property values for miles around. Other weird policy:
The Penny Makes No Cents. You want to get rid of pennies? I do want to get rid of pennies. – Did you start snapping?
– They know. They know. You’re like, “Take ‘em out.” I have some other ones.
Okay. Those little stickers on fruit. Get rid of ’em. Dude, get rid of ’em. On an apple— you ever bit into an apple
and you eat a sticker? – I’m anti-fruit sticker.
– You’re done. – I’m anti-fruit sticker. That’s a great idea.
– Okay, that’s another one. Visors. Visors are done, okay? What are you? What are you? Are you a hat or are you sunglasses?
Make up your mind. ’Cause the only people that wear visors
are NFL head coaches, but that’s it. Wow… the Anti-Visor Act of 2021. Alright, third pitch, just take it. I’m giving it to you. Don’t give me Freedom Dividend, this is just
out of the goodness of my heart. Celery, get rid of it. Like, come on. Unless you just had buffalo wings, am I right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But you—
that’s the problem. You have to pair it with something else.
Dude, celery, stand on your own two feet. Celery alone, bad idea, agreed. Yeah, It’s always got to be like,
“Oh, I’m with peanut butter. Don’t throw me away.” Nah, celery. Bring something to the table. Dude, I should be part of the
campaign, like honestly, like… I’m just like… I agree, running mate, running mate in 2020? The all-Asian American ticket! Yeaaaaah! Nah, dude. Nah, dude. You don’t want
a Muslim running with you, bro. Like, I don’t want to fuck up
the situation. You know— You know like, Barack barely made it being black,
but as soon as they were like, “He’s Muslim!” he’s like, “No, I’m not, dude. Come on, man.
I got, I already got one hill to climb here. Don’t, don’t add the M part.” This is like Good Will Hunting where I’m like,
“Hey man, I want you to go places, man.” Remember when Ben Affleck
does that to Matt Damon? – I don’t want you to be with the Ms.
– Aw, that’s touching. – Like, I want you to go places. Alright.
– That’s touching. Now, you want to empower MMA fighters. Um, did you come up with that
after you went on Joe Rogan? – Uh, before.
– Really? Because I’ve been an MMA fan for years, but MMA
fighters get paid only 10 to 15% of the sports revenues. In every other major sport, it’s 50%… – so they’re getting underpaid by 80%.
– Okay, so we actually have an MMA fighter right here. So, yeah… You’re on my side, right? I want you to empower him. Okay, here’s how I would empower him.
First, I’d get behind him. And then I would say, you got this, you got this guy.
He’s nothing to you. He’s nothing. He’s going to feel your power.
He’s going to feel your power. It’s going to make him not want to be here. – That’s how I would empower an MMA fighter.
– I told you, I told you to channel that Biden, baby. – Thank you, brother. You feel powerful, or you feel—
– Oh, way, way powerful. Okay, good, good. Andrew Yang, everybody! – Thank you all. Thank you, brother.
– That was great, man. Thank you, thank you. – Thank you!
– One more time for Andrew Yang. Thank you all. Thank you. Thank you. Andrew Yang!

Hasan Hears Hot Takes From The Audience | Deep Cuts | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix


You know what’s crazy? Uh, so the audience coordinator,
like before I came out, was like, “Hey, like, there’s uh, there’s a
dude here who looks like your twin.” But the whole taping I was like— Like, there’s like seven— You know what I mean,
like, you, you, like I’m like— I don’t know who it is. The whole time I was looking for that. Where is it, where’s the twin? You’re the twin? This is the twin? This is the guy everyone’s like, “He’s the guy?” Right here? Stand on stage, let’s see, let’s— How are you? What’s your name? Prav? Alright, get it on this camera. Let’s see it. I don’t know! Alright, alright. Next one. Next one. Yeah, you dude, you, yeah. Ah, this is too—
this is too, ahh, come on. Okay, okay, okay. Wait, do it, let’s go to— Alright, let’s go to this
camera. Let’s go to this camera. Go like this, go like this. Alright what— put your hand,
put it in this pocket, and then just do this. No?! I think we look the same. Okay. Eddie, what do you think? What do you think? It won’t be racist if you say it’s yes. Yeah. Come on! Yeah, we do. Got the beard, we got the— Let me see it, let me see it on— Aw, come on dude, I’m having fun. This is a strange question. “If everyone lost the ability to sneeze,
how long would it take for us to realize it?” Dude, I would just assume— You know what, I think we would
just assume we’re super healthy. Like, “Ah, I don’t sneeze
’cause I’m super healthy.” That’s all. How long do you think? Six months? You would legitimately have that thought? “Wow, I haven’t sneezed in… a good half year.” Would you miss it? Would you miss sneezing? Would it be like one of those things like,
remember like in Children of Men there’s no kids? Would we— would we long for
sneezing like the way they do in that? “There was one person
on Earth who could sneeze.” Are your sneezes weird? Mine sound
like— I sound like a little mouse, you know? I try to like hide it. I’m like, eh! Do you know how some
people have like really loud ones? Yeah. What’s yours like? You’ve never been told? Every time I’ve sneezed
people are like, “Are you alright?” “Do you have a secret?
Like you’re hiding it.” You know what? The scariest thing about sneezing is
the fact that you’ll do it when you’re driving. How are more
people just not dying? Every time you just
switch lanes on a sneeze? Think about how many, like, car accidents
would be happening just because of that. Dude, if you’re an Athiest
and you don’t believe— Like I’m, every time I’ve like sneezed
while changing a lane and I live, I’m like, “Dude, there is a God.” This is like, for sure for sure. “What is a weird NYC subway
talent you wish you could have?” Um, it would definitely be the dudes
with the boom boxes doing flips. And then sometimes on the subway,
there’s the dude who can like, hang vertically and do, and go perpendicular.
Can go full 90 degrees. That’s… that’s pretty dope. Um… I get nervous though. ’Cause they usually ask for money
and I have a— like, you know, I’ll stare. I just have this problem
where I’ll just stare. A lot of us have
that problem, right? Indian people just stare. And they’ll always be like,
“Ah, this guy, this guy’s having a good time!” And I’m like, “I am, no!” “Like, I’m having the best time right now!” “Where’s the money at?” And I’ll always panic ’cause I don’t have cash. Like, nobody carries cash these days. Sometimes I’ll be like,
“Do you take Venmo?” And they’re like, “No!
We gotta get to the next car!” I’m like, “I’m sorry.” You know what’s wild to me? The fact that we don’t want
to engage with them and yet, most people are like scrolling on Twitter. But you would watch somebody
doing crazy backflips on your phone. But we wouldn’t wanna see it live! Isn’t that weird? Do we hate— is it the choice? Is it the fact that we— Oh, be able to opt in. You’re like, “I don’t want people backflipping at—” Is communiting the
worst part of living in New York? What’s your commute? Uh huh. Oh man. Yeah… When I first moved to New York that
was the one piece of advice everyone gave me. They’re like, “Just don’t commute.
Live across the street from work.” And I actually did that. I lived in Times Square. Yeah, it was right by The Daily Show, so… every day I just saw, like,
people dressed up as M&M’s. It was— I was like, “Is this New York City?” And then Michael Che told
me he lived literally across the street. And I was like,
“I gotta move across the street.” Like, even ten blocks is too much. So I moved across the street and
then I convinced every other correspondent to move into that building. It was very clutch.
It’s like a two minute commute. It’s incredible. I mean, Manhattan is very
boring, but… Like, that part of Manhattan. This part of— this area’s
pretty, pretty boring, but… I had to come to— like I came to just a
point in my life, ’cause Jessica Williams was like, “Move to Brooklyn. Everyone’s cool in Brooklyn.” And I really had to like look
myself in the mirror and I’m like, “I’m not cool.” I’m not that cool.
I’m not gonna do cool things. “Would you rather have to rock
the Zuckerberg haircut for an entire year or go one full winter in which
your only footwear option is Crocs?” Crocs! Hundred-percent Crocs. They’re on my feet and they’re really comfortable.
I don’t care what people say, they’re super comfortable. I have them at home. They’re great. They’re great for dry or wet situations. They’re awesome. Um, yeah. Damn, Anjali. Do you not—
You also find Zuckerberg’s hairline super weird You would do that hair more than Crocs? Really? Okay, your rule wasn’t Crocs all the time. It was just wear Crocs. Oh, “or go one full winter in which” —
Oh, I’m sorry, like reading comprehension. I’m sorry. “Go one full winter in which
your only footwear option is Crocs.” I’ll double up on socks and do Crocs.
I’ll double up on socks and do Cr— No socks?! You’re changing the rules!
You can’t just do that. You’re like, “No socks, and we chop off one of your feet. Now what?” No, come on. You just said Crocs.
I go double— Really? You would want to see me with the weird ass… like his Caesar that’s off? It’s not even ri— like,
come on, dude. You went to Harvard. The angle isn’t even right.
It’s not even straight. I think it’s a power move.
He’s just like, “Yeah, say something about it.” Alright, “What’s your hottest take
that you’re afraid to tell people?” Oh wow. That’s like a Reddit question where
you’re like, “Alright, anonymous. How do you really feel about the world?” Look, I have a lot of hot takes but
um, there was this video actually. It was over the Thanksgiving holiday,
did you guys see it? Of that one guy at the Thanksgiving table
and he had a bunch of hot takes. Did you see this on Twitter? Just play it real quick. Let’s say there was a like, apex predator like
Bigfoot, there wouldn’t be, like thousands of them. There would only be a few. Aliens are an absolute certainty. In an ever expanding universe,
the probability of human life– You can agree, humans exist, right? You’re here, ’kay? That probability’s so low. How about Jeffrey Epstein? Did you see, like the two cops, the two
prison guards got arrested for– yeah. Why do, why do people enjoy swimming pools? Go to, go to the beach. Russia… Russia interfered in the elections. A hundred percent. So I was on Twitter and I’m like, “This guy’s
incredible, he needs to do Deep Cuts with me.” I went down the rabbit hole I’m like,
“Who is he? His name’s Bashir. Alright, find Bashir– there’s a lot of Bashirs.” And I found him. And he came to the taping! This is Bashir. This is the dude. This is what Deep Cuts is all about. It’s just pure passion, no evidence to back it up. Bashir, what’s up man, how are you? – (I’m doing well, man.)
– Thank you for coming from D.C., man. Did you– did you know that this clip
was just gonna go crazy like this? (Oh, not at all.) Really? (Yeah.) Did you know your sister was recording you? (Not until like– I mean, that was like an
hour and a half conversation she cut up.) (It was the whole dinner.) My favorite part was when you’re just,
you’re just like, “There are definitely aliens.” “Think of the statistical probability of us
being here. You believe we’re here, right?” I’m like, that is such, that is such– (I had to convince them.) “This is real, right?” Oh my God. And then I know– Are those your
family members around you? (Yeah.) Like cousins and stuff like that? The burly bearded dude is like
a cousin, right, or something like that? (Uh, it’s my brother.) That’s your brother? (Yeah.) I could so tell like, he’s the one who’s
like– He’s sat, he was just like– Your mom’s reaction was incredible. Is she just tired of it? (Uh, you know, she’s learned to love me.) Alright, look, I gotta ask you– I wanna
hear about some of your hot takes, okay? (I’m in.) Here we go. Um, this is from the video. What’s your take on aliens in Area 51? (Aliens are out there, hundred percent.) (I don’t know about Area 51. I don’t
trust the government. You shouldn’t.) (But like, mathematically, Fermi’s
Paradox like, read into it.) (Like, mathematically it’s a certainty.
It’s all but a certainty.) What do you mean it’s all but a certainty? (The universe is ever expanding.) Okay. (And we are here.) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (So like, at the… so.) Bro, that was such– That was such
like a Middle Eastern uncle move. Go ahead. We’re here, yeah, I believe it. (So there’s at least one chance, one outcome
where it has worked in the whole universe.) Uh huh. (And if it’s, like, ever expanding, it’s going
to happen again if it hasn’t already.) I believe it, look I believe it. It’s like, I believe it but I also– it’s a 50/50. (Well see, there’s a space force now.) Yeah… – (Government’s making that, I’m just saying.)
– Yeah, yeah. That’s never gonna happen, man, come on. Apex predators? (So that’s Bigfoot. So, Bigfoot…) Wait, wait, wait. Bigfoot is– is called an apex predator? (He is a apex predator.) (One of them.) What are the other ones? (I don’t know, humans and sharks.) We’re an apex predator? – (Giant squids.)
– You’re gonna put Bigfoot and humans on the same level? For real? (I’m sorry, Mom.) (Um, like, but it’s just something that
like, it’s the top of the food chain.) (And the reasoning to why Bigfoot
exists tying it to apex predators is that’s why we don’t necessarily like, see
the fossils or know for sure it’s around.) (Like there wouldn’t be a lot of them.) (Like, only a few would survive.) (Dude, tell me why there’s a Yeti and a Sasquatch?) (Like, like the myth is like, throughout the world.) What? For real? What do you mean there is a Yeti and a Sasquatch? Singular? There’s one? – (Like, yeah, like the story.)
– Like, “Ah, you gotta go to Beijing, they have the Yeti there.” What do you mean by that? (Like, like, the stories like, lasted
through like different cultures.) – Sure.
– (Like, Pacific Northwest of the U.S.) Okay. (And then like, out in like, Southern Southeast Asia.) Yes. (It’s there in like Nepal and whatnot.) Yeah. So mermaids exist, too? (Vampires. Yeah.) Vampires? Shut– Come on! Alright, swimming pools are better than the beach. (Yo, that’s, that’s the most important.) (Yeah, swimming pools are horrible.) Why, why are they horrible? (Alright, it’s– It’s a hole in the ground
with bodily fluids and like, dead skin that you have to like chemically
treat to make them usable.) – (Like, just use the ocean.)
– Versus the ocean? – (The ocean at least–)
– Has whale– it has whale shit in it, it has fish shit in it. (Trillions and trillions of gallons of water.) So you’re done– Did you have a bad
experience with swimming pools? (My dad was obsessed with pools.) (We’d go like, like South Carolina, we’d be
like five minutes from the beach.) (And he’d insist we’d go to like
spend the day at the pool. Like…) So just say that. Alright, what’s your take on bread bowls? (Uh, amazing. I love them.) They’re great. That’s a great one, yeah. Bread bowls are legit. They’re very divisive though, people are like, “Fuck
bread bowls, it’s too much bread, not enough soup.” (Penicillin, iPhones, bread bowls. Same–) Penicillin, iPhones, and bread bowls? (Greatest inventions ever.) What? That’s incredible, man. Uh, dudes who wear backwards hats. (I get it, like they’re douchebags
or whatever. Like, fuckboys.) (I ran my student government campaign in college with
like a backwards cap as like the approachable guy.) (Like, we won, so like, I can’t like, shit on it too much.) That was how you– What school did you go to? (University of Cincinnati. Go Bearcats.) So that’s how you, you’re like,
“I have to connect to Ohio voters.” Put on a backwards cap. Really? And you won? (Barely.) By 60 votes? But, but, University of– That’s dope, dude. So you won president? (Yeah.) You’re a Muslim president. (Yeah.) Are you serious? That’s gangster. You pulled it off? (Yeah, yeah.) Dude, you did what– Damn, and
you didn’t even have to like, Barack it. Like, “Ah, no I’m not.” (No, no. I was the opposite.) Barack, come home. Come home. Baby Yoda. Baby Yoda. (Oh, dude, I’d die for Baby Yoda.) – You’d die?
– (I didn’t get it til I saw the show.) You would die for Baby Yoda? (I mean, I’d kill for Baby Yoda.) You’re like, “I don’t wanna take my life.
I would commit manslaughter.” Alright, these were takes that you sent us. (Alright.) You sent our producers. High top tables suck. (They’re the worst.) (I mean you mentioned it during
the Patriot Act like, about stools.) Stools are bullshit. – (Dude, first of all, you’re a tall guy.)
– Stools are fuckin’ garbage. (Imagine, most people are shorter than you.) (It’s height-ist. High top tables.) What?! (You ever at a high top table you drop something you
gotta get, like, down like do a whole thing, like…) Alright, The Office is a depressing TV show,. (Yeah, yeah I don’t like The Office.) Yeah, yeah, come on! The Office?! Steve Carrell. That version? (Steve Carrell’s awesome. Sure the writers
are great, I never got into it from the beginning.) (But you’re telling me like you’re gonna
take The Office over 30 Rock?) – (Like, Parks and Rec, Seinfeld?)
– (Yeah.) (Unbelievable. Alright, whatever. You guys are sad.) Convince them! Convince them! Don’t let them bully you! Make this your fuckin’ Thanksgiving table. Tell us why The Office is depressing. (Alright, alright. So, in TV shows you want
to like, see, like the optimal like, life or laugh or like, see whatever that like,
you would enjoy for yourself.) (You’re telling me you want to
sell paper for the rest of your life?) (You want like a boss that like, is pretty like,
incompetent and you just like, laugh at him?) (Like, it’s a sad show when you
get down to the nitty gritty.) Did you like Breaking Bad? (I never saw Breaking Bad.) Did you like, did you like Game of Thrones? (Yeah.) Okay– So motherfuckers are dying. We’re talking about, there’s incest and dragons. (But there’s like–) And you’re like, “Yeah, the job you want.” Are you serious? (I’d ride a dragon.) “Was it a tough decision to go back to
the original pronunciation of Hasan? I wrote my college essay on my name,
so I thought it was super interesting.” Oh wow, that’s heavy. This is from, this you, Prav? You wrote your whole college essay– my lookalike? Yeah, but what’s– Is your name Prav? That’s it? Yeah. So, what do you do? So what do you do, you hit it with the full– For me it was like this– Like, I remember when I first started comedy. At the first open mics, there was this host–
You’d write your name down and he’s like, “Look man nobody’s gonna be able to pronounce
this, you gotta change your name.” And I legit thought it was like a real thing. He’s like, “Come on man, you think there’s
a guy named Jamie Foxx, he changed his name.” And he did. So for like, two months, I would go
to open mics and I was Sean. And I’m like, “Dude, what am I doing?” Legit I was like, “I’m Sean, right?” Yeah. Like, “Hey what’s up guys, I’m Sean,” right? You know what I mean? And then I remember, I kept trying to negotiate, right? So I was like, all right, Hasan, people
can pronounce Hasan. And um, I don’t know, it just got weirder and weirder. You know, I met so many people, um, a lot of people
even in the Southeast Asian community you’ll have people who are like, “This is my
Chinese name, this is my American name.” But I’m like dude, “Fuck that. Your name’s your name.” And then there’s people like in my
community like, there’s Bobby Jindal. I’m like, “Bro, your name’s not Bobby.” Your name’s Piyush, right? But he went from Piyush and he just took a hard
right and he’s like, “Ahh, can’t do that, Bobby.” It was like, we had like, an uncle in our
community, his name was Iqbal. But then one time he picked up his cellphone
and he’s like, “Hello this is Alex.” And I’m like, “Who the fuck is Alex?” And um, but I would always have that like open mic host in my head,
like, “Oh, you gotta do it to make it,” and all that stuff. And I remember being at Ellen, and my parents
drove down from Sacramento to be there. Like, Mom and Dad are sitting there,
I’ve been doing comedy fifteen years. And Ellen’s just like, “Hey Hasan!” I looked in the audience, my mom’s kinda
sitting like, right where you guys are. She kinda cringed. You know, she left the VA, checked
out of work, “Hey, I’m sick.” Drives down to see her son on Ellen
and she’s like, “Hasan Minhaj.” And my mom who gave me
that name is just like, “Eugh.” And I’m like, dude what am I doing? Like, I have a show with my fuckin’ name
on it and I’m still being like, “It’s with Sean!” You know? And so I was like, “Alright, Ellen,
just let’s do this right now.” ’Cause we can pronounce Timothée Chalamet,
so we’re gonna do this right now. And so, you know I just had her do it. And uh, I didn’t know it would be
this like, viral moment or whatever. But I remember my dad when we drove
home, he was super pissed at me. He’s like, “Hasan, you wasted your chance.
You had seven minutes with her, for four minutes you’re correcting her.
Why are you doing this?” And I think that’s like the big difference between
our generation and our parents’ generation. They’re always trying to survive. And I mean survival is the thing so
just go by whatever she calls you. And that’s cool, I think when Dad, you know,
when he came in ’82 he survived for us. But I’m trying to live. I mean I’m trying to like, “Yo, Muhammad
Ali, say my name. Like, say it.” So, I’m gonna go on Ellen, the most American
show ever, and make you hit all the syllables. I mean that’s like… for me. Alright, thank you guys. I appreciate you.

Immersion – Hitman in Real Life | Rooster Teeth


In stealth games, characters can often grab a disguise in order to blend in seamlessly with crowds. Take “Hitman” for example, where players often conceal their identity, In order to take out high profile targets. Come on. Just wearing a disguise to assassinate someone in the middle of a massive crowd would be MUCH more difficult in real life. …Or would it~? [Loud static] [Epic intro music] [Soft spy music] Welcome to Season 4 of Immersion™. Today, we’ve come out to our Rooster Teeth ‘Ballroom Simulator’ To run one of our biggest experiments, ever. We’re gonna be testing to see whether or not A Hitman could use a simple disguise to stealthily navigate a crowded room, and take out a specific target. AND- To help us run our experiment today, Two of our fan favorite lab rats, Michael and Gavin. Gavin: Hey yo!
Michael: Heeeyyyy! Burnie: Hey, welcome back, guys! Well, Gavin, I felt like you had to do this one because you’re so synonymous with the franchise. The fans all know that you play
this game and play it well. Do you feel pressure to do well here today? Gavin: Yes! I mean, on paper, this should be my game. Burnie: Should be! Michael, do you have experience playing Hitman games as well? Michael: Oh yeah. I’m pretty, uh, experienced. I’ve dabbled in the, uh, in the bald head. Burnie: Yeah?
Michael: Yeah. Burnie: Well, to add to the pressure, we’re gonna be filling this room with over 200 RTX attendees. Gavin: It’s a lot.
Burnie: You’re gonna have to navigate through ’em. Here’s how the experiment is gonna work. You are going to infiltrate a political fundraiser for congressman Mike Hawk. Your mission is to assassinate the target and exit the ballroom without being caught. If your target leaves the event before you’re able to carry out your mission, you lose. If you’re able to kill the congressman and exit the ballroom, you win. But, be aware. If the target goes down, security is gonna start pulling the
masks off of all the guests. If you’re unmasked, you lose. While the target is giving the speech, you can decide how to make your approach. Will you disguise yourself as one of his avid supporters and using a poison sticker take him out face to face? Perhaps, you will dress as a waiter and covertly poison his drink at the VIP table upstairs. Or will you disguise yourself as one of his trusted security guards, and eliminate the target as he takes a private phone call. Gavin: Right. Bollocks, though. Because everyone in this room will recognize our faces. Burnie: Ah. Okay. Well, that’s why everyone in the room will be dressed in the same shirt and they will have a different colored masquerade mask. Now, to give you an advantage, we’ve also given you a selection of wigs, hats, coats, even different shoes so you can customise your look. Just to keep you guys motivated, we have armed all the security guards with one of these. (taser crackling) Michael: Why?! Every time!
Gavin: …every time… Michael: In the show, you just… stun gun.
Burnie: They’re great. Gavin: When was the last Immersion episode without one of them? Gavin: Pacman?
Michael: What you got, look down. Burnie: What? Alright, let’s do the experiment. (spy music) Political assistant: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! Thank you so much for joining us for
this momentous fundraiser. So without further ado, the moment
you’ve all been waiting for, I present to you, Mike Hawk! (crowd cheers) Burnie: Okay, the lab rats will be entering through the second floor elevator. Their first opportunity to take down the target will be downstairs as soon as
the congressman finishes his speech. There are 5 security guards surrounding the perimeter. 2 downstairs, 2 upstairs, and a
bodyguard who follows Mike Hawk. Like our lab rats, all the guards in today’s experiment are Rooster Teeth employees. So they can definitely recognize Michael and Gavin. But, the guards have no idea which of our past lab rats will be running our course today. The guards will not act unless they recognize the lab rats and they see them
performing suspicious activity. If they do, they will begin removing everybody’s masks. Alright! Michael is entering the fundraiser from the second floor elevator. Let’s see how he does. (Mike Hawk speech in background) Michael: Jesus Christ! There’s a lot of people in there. Fucking neeeerrrrves. Burnie: Michael begins already armed
with the poison sticker. If he places this on anyone’s skin, the target will instantly be poisoned. (crowd cheers) Michael: Yeah! Mike Hawk!
God, he looks like a douchebag. Michael: Waiter’s only… Oh, it’s back here. Oh yes! Waiter’s outfit! Oh, poison. Fuck yes.
Ohohoho, this guy’s getting poisoned. Mike Hawk: With my skills, as a master debater. Michael: What the fuck? Is this guy just talking about his dick the whole time?
Mike Hawk: I’m here today, to rally for Mike Hawk. Mike Hawk: God bless you all, and God bless America!
(crowd cheers) Burnie: Michael is taking way too long to put on his waiter’s outfit. Mike Hawk is already
done with his speech. Michael: Yeah, no shit. 4 minutes is
not enough time at all. Guard Tyler: Copy that. The congressman is making his way towards the stairs. Burnie: Alright, Michael better hurry up and get upstairs if he wants to poison that drink in time. Burnie: Wow! Okay, Adam did not recognize Michael. Guard Kyle: Changing positions. Michael: Security only, eh? Okay, interesting. It’s gotta work shit. Assistant: Alright.
Mike Hawk: God, I hate this things.
Assistant: I know, I’m so sorry, sir. Michael: Shit, here comes the guy just fine. Let me just put that in your drink…hohoho…
making you drink so many… Assistant: Can I get a drink for Mike Hawk? Michael: Don’t say nothing…yadatata… Michael: Oh no!
Guest: I’m so sorry, can I help you clean up? Michael: Naw, I’m good. It’s alright. Burnie: (laugh) Did he just spill the drinks? He just wasted all the poison. Assistant: Thank you.
Mike Hawk: Oh, thank you. Guest: Sorry.
Michael: Hey, accidents happen. Michael, under breath: Fucking piece of shit. Alright, new plan. Time to head to the security office. Guard Tyler: Making my way to the congressman now. Michael: It’s fucking go time soon. This bitch is gonna die. Burnie: Whoa! That was really close. I really wanted Tyler to spot him. Guard Tyler: Securing the VIP area. Burnie: Well, that was obvious. Looks like Michael was recognized by a fan. Michael: Alright, I’m going into the security room. Burnie: Yup. Michael blew his cover. The fan has reported the suspicious activity. Guard Jon: I’ll check it out. Guard Jon: Michael’s spotted near the security office. Michael: Oh sweet. A knife! I’m gonna stab him so hard! This is the real test. How does 47 change so fast? Guard Kyle: What are you doing in here? Michael: Oh, I was uhh…just straightening my shirt. Guard Kyle: I got Michael.
Michael: Hey, wait! No! Stop! (dramatic fail sound effect) Burnie: Well, obviously the guards won that round. (elevator ding)
Let’s see if Gavin can do any better. Is that Gavin? If his wig doesn’t give him away, his nose definitely will. (crowd cheer) Mike Hawk: Well, folks, for years I’ve thought long and hard about that question. And I’m here to tell you that Mike Hawk
stands firmly for all of you! (crowd cheer) Gavin: Is Jon the best they could’ve
come up with for a security guy? Guard Jon: I’m not sure, I think I saw Gavin. Be on the look out for him. Guard Adam: Copy that. Burnie: Looks like the guards may have spotted Gavin. He better be careful. Mike Hawk: …to rally for Mike Hawk! God bless you all and God bless America! Burnie: Well, the congressman is finishing his speech. And Gavin still hasn’t made a move. His run may end even quicker than Michael’s.
(Gavin whistling) (crowd chanting “Mike Hawk”) Gavin: Just gotta go in with confidence, is all you need. Just a walk in like you belong in it. That’s it. Mike Hawk: Hey, thank you. It’s gonna be a big rally. I really appreciate it. Of course, I’m ready. Gavin: Alright. Good to go, let’s get some bevs. This one’s for me. Waiters are allowed to drink, I think. So we’re good. Let’s get some more fodder, shall we? That cheese is all for me. Thank you very much.
Just take the whole bloody thing. Assistant: No more handshakes. Gavin: Oh shit! Someone’s behind me. Burnie: Wow! Gavin is cutting it close! Gavin: Cheeeese. Burnie: Why is Gavin not masking his British accent? That’s not very stealthy. Gavin: Okay, I’m going for it. There you go! One for you. I feel like that was obvious. Feel like I just did that in plain sight. Mike Hawk: Oh yeah. (stuffing his face) Ah this is wonderful. Guest: Cheers to you, sir. Burnie: Unbelievable. Gavin is pulling a
hell of a comeback. But he better be careful because as soon as the congressman goes down, the security guards are gonna start
pulling off people’s masks. (Mike Hawk choking)
Assistant: Sir! Sir, are you okay?! Sir!
(crowd surprised) Assistant: 911, I need an ambulance.
Guard Jon: We’ve a code red.
Congressman is on the ground. Guard Kyle: Masks off, up against the wall. Gavin: Potential commotion in here. Adam: Everyone stop, hang on. Sir?
I need you to stop and take off your mask. Gavin: Uhhh, you want some champagne? Guard Adam: Stop what you’re doing and take off your mask. Gavin: Alright, gimme a second. Guard Adam: Gavin! Stop! You’ve been caught! Burnie: (laughs) Oh he’s gonna get tased! Gavin: (screaming) OH SHIT! (dramatic fail sound) Gavin: I DID IT! IT WAS ME! (elevator ding)
Burnie: Okay! Seems like Michael and Gavin can’t slip past the guards while working alone. Let’s see how they do when working together. Assistant: Mike Hawk! (crowd cheers) Michael: To politics!
(drink glasses clink) Burnie: Why are they being so obvious? Michael: Alright, I’m gonna scope out- Oh shit. We’ve got a guy standing right at the security office. Let’s just mingle til he clears out. Gavin: Yup. You want double fist? Michael: Yeahyeahyeah. This looks normal. Just get shitfaced.
Gavin: Yeah. Burnie: Dear lord! Gavin, slow down. Michael whispering: Oh, he’s touching his ring,
he’s going to leave. Guard Kyle: Changing positions. Michael: I’m going in, boi. Watch my back. Gavin: That’s how you champagne, boi. Mike Hawk: For years, I’ve thought long and hard about that question, and I’m here to tell you… Michael: I’m good to go and
I’m not getting caught this time. My boi’s got my back! Burnie: Uh oh. Jon is taking
his post outside the security office. Michael: Dude, this vest is nice.
I should- I should actually steal this. Guard Jon: Moving to the second position.
Guard Kyle: Copy that. Guard Kyle: Circulating second floor. Michael: Buttoning suit, getting dressed. Just like my mommy taught me. What the fuck?! Where’s Gavin? Holy crap. There’s a guard.
(suspense music) Fuck! That was close. I’m gonna murder Gavin! Where the hell is he?! Burnie: Yeah, where’s Gavin? Is he downstairs? Doesn’t appear to be in the waiter’s room. Is he still upstairs? Oh! There he is talking to Michael. Michael: I got the knife.
We can just get him on the way out. Gavin: Okay, how about this? How about this? We’ll wait for them
to be over there, right? Michael: Don’t point.
Gavin: He’s having drinks, right? Gavin: I’ll take out his bodyguard. You take out him. We’ll come down. We’ll shank Ellis on the way out. Guard Adam: Nice to see you, congressman. Gavin: Well, let’s mingle. Shall we?
Michael: Let’s mingle. Yeah. Gavin: Augh man! All the booze is gone. Did you see that? Guard Jon: I think I spotted Michael. I’m not sure. Guard Kyle: I know it’s Gavin. I saw him. Burnie: Guards are confused because they don’t know that both lab rats are inside. Gavin: We should probably pretend
that we don’t know each other. Michael: No, that’s fine. We don’t. Sir? Back off, sir. Gavin: Sorry. Sorry, I just…trying to make friends. Kinda socially awkward at these. Michael: Full of shit. Here he comes, here he comes. Where’s that idiot? Where’s that little idiot? Target’s approaching, target is approaching. Gavin: Oh! Guard Tyler: Well, whoever it is, they’ve gotta be close. Guard Tyler: Be on the lookout for
any suspicious activity. Mike Hawk: Hang on. I- I gotta get a drink here. Assistant: Can I get a drink for Mike Hawk, please?
Burnie: Looks like Gavin is going to use the poison sticker. Let’s see what he does with it. Assistant: He needs a drink.
Mike Hawk: You know, look, I saw a good sick on the road. Take out a few of these drinks, I’d have problems that way. Gavin: Hey. Thanks for doing all the work you do. Burnie: How in the world did Gavin get away with that? Guard Jon: Tyler’s down. I need backup. Guard Jon: Get out of my way. Michael: Ugh *stabstabstabstab* Burnie: I think one stab would’ve sufficed. We should get Michael a therapist. Guard Kyle: What’s going on? Did you see who did that? Michael: What’s going on?
Gavin: That guy there looks suspicious. Michael: Dude, I went all over him. Guard Adam: What’s going on? All guards check in. Guard Jon: It’s Michael and Gavin.
They’ve took down the congressman. Michael: I’m gonna go take out Adam, you keep walking. Guard Adam: Take off your masks. Everyone take off your masks. Michael: I’ve seen a suspicious individual around here. Guard Adam: Huh? Oh! Augh… Michael: There’s a guard sick back there.
Gavin: Don’t mind if I do. Gavin: Don’t mind if I don’t. Guard Mariel: Adam is down. I need backup. Burnie: Wow! They made it! I honestly can’t believe it! (victory music) Burnie: Now Gavin, you play a ton of Hitman. How did this compare to actually playing the game? Gavin: Pretty good! That was pretty immersed. I was like, really planning my routes. You don’t wanna blow it. Cuz you know. The load times. Burnie: Right.
Gavin: To restart. It’s a nightmare. Burnie: Alright. Well, I think on the second run, you guys did a better job. How did you guys think you did? Michael: A plus. Plus!
Burnie: A plus. Burnie: I gotta say I agree. I think you guys did fantastic on the second run. We wanna thank all of our RTX attendees. I think the real winner for today is friendship. Michael: Awwww, yeah!
Burnie: Teamwork. You guys working together
Gavin: That’s us. Michael: Teamwork!
Burnie: Teamwork! Burnie: Is that the poison? Michael: Yeah, you’re dead.
Gavin: Yeah. Michael: You’re dead. Gavin: See the way. Burnie: If you wanna see other Rooster Teeth employees playing Hitman in real life, sign up to become a First member on RoosterTeeth.com (outro music)