The Best And Worst Of The NYT Democratic Questionnaire



OF COURSE, TRUMP'S GOT PLENTY OF
COMPETITION TO BE HIS COMPETITION, AND I'LL GIVE YOU
THE LATEST FROM THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY IN TONIGHT'S "DOIN' IT
DONKEY STYLE"! ( APPLAUSE )
THIS WEEK, "THE NEW YORK TIMES" INTERVIEWED A HUGE GROUP OF
CANDIDATES, ASKING THEM ALL THE SAME 18 QUESTIONS. CHECK OUT THE GRAPHICS. THAT'S A LOT OF MOUTHS. IT'S ALSO THE OPENING CREDITS
FOR "THE BRADY BUNCH: OOPS ALL PARENTS." JOE BIDEN DIDN'T SIT FOR THIS,
BUT WE DID LEARN A LOT ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE. AND SEEING THEM ALL TOGETHER
RAISED SOME NEW QUESTIONS FOR ME, LIKE, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS YOUR NAME? AND I'M GONNA SAY… DAN? OR SEAN? COME ON! THESE TWO ARE EXACTLY THE SAME
GUY! THE "TIMES" ASKED THE CANDIDATES
SOME LIGHTER QUESTIONS. >> WHAT'S YOUR COMFORT FOOD ON
THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL? >> WHEN YOU'RE A VEGAN, THAT
MEANS LOTS OF VEGGIES ON THE GO. >> COFFEE. MY FAVORITE COFFEE IS A MOCHA. >> MINTS. >> KIND BARS. >> I DON'T HAVE A COMFORT FOOD. I HAVE A COMFORT DRINK, WHICH IS
ICED TEA. >> Stephen: OH, THEY ARE DOOMED. MINTS?! ICED TEA? COME ON. YOU'RE IN AMERICA! JUST SAY BURGERS! OR PIZZA! OR NACHOS! OR FRENCH FRIES! OR JUST CHUGGING ALFREDO SAUCE
STRAIGHT FROM THE JAR! COMFORT FOOD! ( APPLAUSE )
POP OPEN A CAN OF HERSHEY'S. CHOCOLATE JIMMIES. JUST GO TO TOWN ON YOURSELF WITH
A SPOON. COMFORT FOOD IS WHAT YOU EAT
BECAUSE YOU RAN OUT OF XANAX. BUT ONE CANDIDATE HAD THE RIGHT
TAKE ON COMFORT FOODS. >> GLASS OF WHISKEY AT THE END
OF THE NIGHT?! THANK YOU, SENATOR! THANK YOU, SENATOR GILLIBRAND,
THANK YOU FOR FINALLY RECOGNIZING WHISKEY AS A FOOD. IT IS MADE OF CORN AND IT IS MY
ONLY SOURCE OF FIBER. THE CANDIDATES WERE ALSO ASKED
HOW THEY'D HANDLE THE CRISIS OF CLIMATE CHANGE, AND THE
BOLDEST PLAN CAME FROM CONGRESSMAN ERIC SWALWELL. >> FIRST AND FOREMOST, I WOULD
HOST, IN THE UNITED STATES, A CLIMATE SUMMIT. >> THERE'S THE FIGHTING SPIRIT! (AS SWALWELL)
"THIS COULD END CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT, SO I'VE RENTED SOME
CONFERENCE ROOMS AND ORDERED SOME ICED TEA AND MINTS." ( LAUGHTER )
THE "TIMES" ALSO ASKED THESE CANDIDATES, "WHO IS YOUR HERO?"
AND A LOT OF THEM PICKED THE SAME GUY. >> POLITICALLY, I WOULD GO
WITH LINCOLN. >> ABRAHAM LINCOLN. >> ABRAHAM LINCOLN. >> ABRAHAM LINCOLN. >> CERTAINLY ABRAHAM
LINCOLN. >> Stephen: KIND OF A COP-OUT. THAT'S LIKE SAYING "MY
FAVORITE BAND IS THE BEATLES, MY FAVORITE WEATHER IS SUNNY,
AND MY FAVORITE THING TO DO WITH MY LUNGS IS BREATHE." ( LAUGHTER )
BUT A FEW OF THE CANDIDATES CHOSE A HERO A LITTLE CLOSER TO
HOME. >> UH… MY WIFE
>> MY WIFE. >> MY WIFE RIGHT NOW. >> IN MANY WAYS, MY WIFE. >> WOW– I MEAN, RIGHT NOW
IT'S, LIKE, BAKER MAYFIELD, THE QUARTERBACK OF THE CLEVELAND
BROWNS. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( APPLAUSE )
DID HE SAY BAKER MAYFIELD, THE QUARTERBACK OF THE CLEVELAND
BROWNS? TIM RYAN, THE ONLY WAY IT COULD
HAVE BEEN WORSE IS IF HE HAD SAID– I DON'T KNOW, THE LAST
GUY'S WIFE. SHE SEEMS GOOD." TIM RYAN DID BRING UP HIS WIFE
WHEN ASKED WHERE HE WOULD GO ON HIS FIRST TRIP AS
PRESIDENT. >> EUROPE. I WOULD GO TO EUROPE. IN FACT, I ALREADY TEASED MY
WIFE THAT WITHIN THE FIRST FEW WEEKS OF GETTING SWORN IN, WE'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO EUROPE AND REALLY REBUILD OUR ALLIANCES
IN NATO. >> Stephen: WHY WOULD YOU TEASE
YOUR WIFE LIKE THAT, TIM RYAN? ( LAUGHTER )
WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO TAKE BAKER MAYFIELD. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: OH, WOW! >> Stephen: THE CANDIDATES
WERE ALSO ASKED ABOUT THEIR NIGHTTIME ROUTINE. >> HOW MANY HOURS OF SLEEP DO
YOU GET A NIGHT? >> NOT ENOUGH. >> NOT ENOUGH. >> JUST ENOUGH TIME TO BE ABLE
TO HAVE DREAMS AT NIGHTTIME AND VISION STATEMENTS DURING THE
DAYTIME. >> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN
MEAN? "I'VE GOT DAYDREAMS AT
NIGHTTIME, NIGHT DREAMS AT DAYTIME, AND WHEN PIZZA'S ON A
BAGEL, YOU CAN HAVE PIZZA ANYTIME." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ TRUE STORY. >> Jon: YEAH, IT'S NICE. >> Stephen: STEVE BUT A BIG
GROUP OF THESE CANDIDATES IS STILL POLLING AHEAD OF DONALD
TRUMP. HE'S CURRENTLY LOSING TO
JOE BIDEN, BERNIE SANDERS, ELIZABETH WARREN, KAMALA HARRIS,
AND PETE BUTTIGIEG." OR AS TRUMP CALLS THEM:
(AS TRUMP) "SLEEPY, CRAZY, POCAHONT-Y,
PROSECUTE-Y, AND THE GUY WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH 'BUTT.'"
WITH AN ADVANTAGE THAT LARGE, THERE'S NO WAY THE DEMOCRATS CAN
SCREW THIS UP… IS SOMETHING ONLY PEOPLE BORN
AFTER 2016 WOULD SAY, BECAUSE LAST WEEKEND, WE GOT A WARNING
SIGN WHEN THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY TRIED A LITTLE TOO HARD TO
APPEAL TO THE YOUTHS WITH THIS TWEET REFERENCING A THREE-YEAR
OLD BEYONCE SONG: "THIS IS A WHOLE MOOD. TEXT 'BOY BYE' TO GET THIS
EXCLUSIVE WALLPAPER." THAT, OF COURSE, WAS THE WORK OF
THE DEMOCRATS' HEAD MILLENNIAL OUTREACH, MORRIS. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) COME ON! COME ON, DEMOCRATS. THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY IS AT
STAKE! DON'T BLOW IT TRYING TO BE HIP! THIS IS LIKE IF PAUL REVERE
STOPPED MIDRIDE TO TWEET, "ISN'T MY HORSE LOW KEY THICC
THO?" WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. NAOMI WATTS IS HERE! BUT WHEN WE COME BACK:
MEANWHILE!

45 Replies to “The Best And Worst Of The NYT Democratic Questionnaire

  1. Trump is disgusting but I fear he is going to get reelected because Dems are going too far left. It's all about race, gender, and sexual orientation now. Don't get me wrong, they are important issues but they are not the priority issues!! What;s the next priority of the dems? Um….legalizing pot??? Wow, seriously, that is a priority? Getting high is a priority? SMH… Dems just don't get it.

  2. Can't watch when he does this bit.its really a stretch for him desperately trying to be funny. What happened to his writers? oh yeah, probably with the daily show and Trevor.

  3. Why are these people running? It's ridiculous.

    Good God, though I hope Trump loses, mostly because I want home to feel insulted.

  4. "Within the first few weeks I'd go to Europe"

    Dude, you're not getting elected. Why are you even here?

  5. Seriously??? We couldnt get one intelligent or charismatic or down to earth or relatable candidate?? I swear even though conservatives are unrepentant liars, totally unlikable, towering misogynists, unashamedly working for the rich, hate mongering fanatics without a shred of human decency the dems STILL cant find an actual genuine person with a clue what its like to be a middle class person. Ugh, i miss obama.

  6. Ok, the positive on the number of candidates is the diversity of ideas and that so many people want to be involved.

  7. For the love of Satan our dark lord!!! Stop saying "millennials", when you mean "young people". Millennials are not young anymore. A millennial is a person who reached adulthood around the year 2000. The average millennial is around 35 years old!

  8. So the democrats favorite president is Lincon ( Republican) yet they forgot about their hero FDR (Democrat).

    Dafaq?!

  9. This was hilarious ~ especially Colbert's expressions. On the subject of narrowing the field, I can see one problem already and that is Bernie. It's worrisome~! Just today (6/26/19) When asked if "you are trailing far behind will you drop out before the Convention?" he replied by criticizing "2016 rigged Primary". He refused to answer implying he would not step down. However Bernie might have "thought" it was rigged, HE SIGNED UP FOR THAT EXACT PROCESS by filing as "a Democrat". The "Super-delegate" system had already been in place for MANY years (not sure whether they now discarded it). He "used" the DNC as he is not a Democrat but wanted their campaign dollars. So, neither then or now, do I feel sorry for him. And now, he is going to use last election's blunders to do what? Prove what? How stubborn he is? I do not like stubborn people. Nothing can change w them as a leader. He would be like Trump – my way or the highway. No doors would open. Down w Bernie. And we all, whether people like him or not need to tell him to step down as he begins to trail. I swear I think he acts as he does and wears his goofy hairdo cause he wants to infer an image of Einstein. Bernie is no Einstein. And the matter of his wife Jane pulling off the stunts she did w donor money at the University is not settled.

  10. we need some substance for the future not a bunch of silver spoon vanilla white middle of the road wankers. America needs better than this folks. Democrats you embarrass me. The orange turd needs to go and this is the best you have???????? Hey we are tired of senile old white guys and Biden is the front runner. This is America we are talking about not some fucking nursing home.

  11. Heroes?Adams,Jefferson, Beethoven, Michaelangelo, William Blake, Coleridge, Rilke, Einstein, the soldiers of Normandy, Guadalcanal, …etc…

  12. These are my questions;
    Military industrial commercial and banking complex is it a thing and is it a threat to freedom in the USA?
    Recreational marijuana yes or no?
    Plan for the south of the border situation?
    Israel aid yes or no?

  13. People still don't realize that Abraham Lincoln wasn't an abolitionist, the Emancipation Proclamation was a political/military maneuver, 4 states didn't free their slaves after the bill became law. Black soldiers helped win the civil war. Lincoln didn't see black folks as equal at all; he took advantage of them. And people treat him like a damn hero.
    They don’t tell you these parts.
    Oh, and on December 26, 1862, thirty-eight Dakota Indians were hanged in Mankato, Minnesota, in the largest mass execution in US history–on orders of President Abraham Lincoln.

    Spoiler alert. He was assassinated.

  14. I am unsubscribing from The Late Show w/ Stephen Colbert (even though I find him funny and agree (liberal) with the shows STRONG political stance) because how unfair Youtube pushes corporate content that I can see on TV and destroying user created content that falls with in the guidelines of youtube. Corporate content pushes the lines more and nothing happens to them.

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